Jesus Luz says his name is pronounced “Zhay-Zoose. Loose.”

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The New York Times has an epic profile of Madonna’s boy-toy/lover/in-house-deejay Jesus Luz. I have absolutely no idea what’s going on with the NYT lately, because their celebrity coverage seems all over the place. Two examples: this weekend’s strange, overly-critical piece about Brad Pitt and the Make It Right Foundation, and secondly, the weirdly complimentary profile of Megan Fox and her dumb, vapid media strategy several weeks ago in the NYT Magazine. Now comes this Jesus Luz piece, which is just fluff, legitimized as some kind of exploration of how and why Jesus became famous. I’ll boil it down for everyone: because he’s bangin’ The Gristle.

The NYT goes on and on painting a picture of The Epic Rise of Jesus, and much of it is pretty boring. But there were some interesting pieces of info. Like, all this time I though his name was pronounced Hay-soos Looz. Not so much. Jesus corrects everyone, and claims the Portuguese pronunciation of his name is actually “Zhay-ZOOSE. Loose.” Seriously! Here are some of the highlights (complete NYT piece here):

Before Madonna: Jesus made $500 a day as a model in Rio de Janeiro, said Sérgio Mattos, his agent at the time. Then in December 2008 he landed a shoot with Madonna for W magazine in which the two played lovers in a Rio hotel. “At the moment he met Madonna, I never see him after that,” said Mr. Mattos in a telephone interview. “I sent him to the job and after that he changed phone numbers and I never see him again.”

Deejaying for $15,000 for 90 minutes: Jesus enrolled at a D.J. school in Manhattan and in no time has landed high-profile gigs. For the 90-minute set he was spinning Nov. 12, only his second professional D.J. outing in the city, he was being paid around $15,000, said Matthew Isaacs, a promoter who had booked him, at a lower cost, to spin two nights later at Hiro in the meatpacking district.

Jesus on deejaying: “I love the energy of the crowd,” Luz said, stepping away from the D.J. stand to pose for photos with admiring female fans. “It’s good to have two careers going on, modeling and D.J.ing. I feel good.”

Jesus on his name: Before Mr. Luz, muscular and curly haired with piercing blue eyes, returned to the laptop and mixing board, he explained the proper way to say his first and last names: “Zhay-ZOOSE. Loose.”

Jesus on Madonna: “I don’t talk about my girlfriend. Let them come to their own conclusions.” (Through a spokeswoman, Madonna declined to comment for this article.)

Jesus on Kabbalah: “When I was a teenager, I thought I couldn’t do nothing in my life. I felt very hopeless. And then something started to happen.” He studied Buddhism and yoga and an ex-girlfriend introduced him to kabbalah. “I’m just looking for something to make me strong, and kabbalah has given me that,” he said. “I’m looking for something to make me comfortable and happy in my life.”

Does Jesus get an allowance from Madonna? Although some gossip Web sites have reported that Madonna pays Mr. Luz an “allowance,” he said that was ridiculous. “I’m laughing so loud,” he said.

Jesus on his love of New York: “I like the strong energy of the people in the city and how they work and run behind your ideals here,” he said. “It is very contagious in a good way. Sometimes when I look at the Statue of Liberty, I feel a sensation similar to when I look at the statue of Christ in Rio.”

[From The New York Times]

They go on and on about the deejaying career, but they do note that people are only hiring Jesus with the hope that Madonna will show up to support him. Which is sad, I think. I mean, sometimes I do feel for this kid, especially now that he’s said Madge doesn’t even give him an allowance. I shouldn’t be surprised though – Madonna is famously cheap, and she’s also delusional enough to think that Jesus should be grateful to be with her and she shouldn’t have to give him money. I’m starting to get the feeling that Jesus works his ass off to try to keep Madge happy and keep the modeling and deejaying gigs coming so he can save enough for a rainy day. Zhay-ZOOSE!!

Jesus “Zhay-ZOOSE” Luz deejaying in Rio De Janeiro on October 22, 2009. Credit: Bauer-Griffin. Also, Jesus in Rio on November 11, 2009. Credit: Fame.

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20 Responses to “Jesus Luz says his name is pronounced “Zhay-Zoose. Loose.””

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  1. birdie says:

    Whats with the new format on CB?? I have a mac book pro and use Safari, and all the pages are really messed up. The top has nothing but blank space and adds, and then I have to scroll all the way down the page below the top stories to see the story, the formatting is messed up.

  2. Tess says:

    Okaaaay, it’s Zhay-Zoose.
    Until Madge gives you a goose and tells you to Vamoose.

  3. ccoop says:

    “because he’s bangin’ The Gristle”

    That is so perfect, I don’t know whether to laugh or puke.

  4. Firestarter says:

    Who gives a fig about what he has to say. He is a nobody. Only claim to fame is who he is scrogging. Thats it.

  5. e says:

    That is a lot of oooooooose in his caboose!

  6. Sumodo says:

    The article seemed to indicate that Zhay-ZOOS was raised with Kabbalah.

  7. TwinkleToes says:

    Man, someone get this guy a chin implant stat! A new hairdo is in order, too. His profile is horrible. I’ll be impressed when Medusa gets a guy as hot as that Sawyer from Lost, Josh Halloway. She never really did have a truly handsome man in her life. And she’s still going at it with this one.

  8. snowball says:

    I always thought Jesus Luz was pronounced “boy toy.”

    Crazy me.

  9. Firestarter says:

    LOL@Snowball!

  10. Emily says:

    @snowball, I had the same problem! I think it’s quite a common problem, actually.

  11. Cristi says:

    “Bangin’ the Gristle”- hilarious :)

  12. Karin says:

    15’000 $ for 90 minutes of work? Hmmm, maybe I should go to New York and “run behind (my) ideals”. Could even forego pocket money or allowance for that kind of arrangement…

    Am off to pack!

    (5 mins later)

    Am unpacking again…
    Not convinced Madge would be my ideal.

  13. kris says:

    well that IS how its pronouced in Portuguese…dont be so ignorant people. i live in s. america and my name is kristen and its constantly mispronounced…you guys have no idea how annoying it is when you say “kristen” at starbucks and they put down Rosalyn.

  14. Diane gillan says:

    dress it up any way they want …he’s 22 for God’s sake.

  15. gg says:

    ^^ lol @ kris!

  16. lway says:

    @ TESS – LOL! Good one!

  17. Larissa says:

    FYI:
    you people can mock all you want but that´s exactly how they pronounce it in Rio´s accent, so get over it already.

  18. gg says:

    No need to take it personally …

  19. Rio says:

    “FYI:
    you people can mock all you want but that´s exactly how they pronounce it in Rio´s accent, so get over it already.”

    Hey! I resent this blatant intrusion to my privacy, where my accent can be mocked and held up to public ridicule! Why, if I want to pronounce my “J”s as “H”s, or even “X”s– after all, in Latin American Spanish it is all the same– it it my right to do so! Why my Grandpappy once said…
    Oh, wait…you were talking about the city in Brazil, weren’t you?
    (Writes, “I will not be egocentric, I will not be egocentric” 100 times on the chalkboard) ;-)

  20. Rio är en fantastiskt fin stad, tycker att ska ta sig till Rio under karnevalen. Där finns