The Girls Next Door premiere: Hef is older, girls younger & less interesting

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Spoilers for 1st episode below
Hugh Hefner officially introduced his latest trio of girlfriends on the season opener of “The Girls Next Door,” which aired last night on E! Hef’s last set of women, Holly, Bridget and Kendra, all left to pursue careers at about the same time last year. Hef seems to have hastily replaced them with this latest set of very young women, who seemed incredibly bland and uninteresting when compared to the last three. (Remember that 1996 movie Multiplicity, in which Michael Keaton cloned himself and the copies turned out to be dumber cardboard cutouts? It was like that.)

The twins: one bland personality between the two of them
Hef’s new girls are 23 year-old former college student Crystal Harris (it’s unclear from the show whether she graduated) and 20 year-old convicted felon Floridian twins Karissa and Kristina Shannon. Like their predecessors, they all seem good natured and genuinely friendly. You don’t sense that there’s any cattiness or competition between them and they seem fond of each other. Unfortunately you also get the impression that they wouldn’t have much to compete over.

The most interesting thing about the twins is that they complete each other’s sentences and seem to be on the same dull wavelength. That gets old within a couple of minutes, and we were left with riveting scenes of them exercising, dyeing their little white dogs, Dolce and Chanel, pink, and frolicking naked while washing one of Hef’s classic cars for a video shoot. The twins said they ended up moving in after receiving a letter from Hef three weeks after they met him. Hef’s letter said he liked them and wanted them to be girlfriends. “We’ve been here ever since, we haven’t left.”

One of the twins explained their simple identity. “Our personality is together. Like, if I’m alone, I don’t have my full personality without her.” Crystal also explained that she doesn’t think of the twins as separate people and that “I do consider the twins one person, because they eat the same thing, they sleep in the same bed, they wear all the same clothes. They kind of have a ‘don’t care’ attitude. People either love them or they hate them. And they’re fine with that.” That pretty much sums up the twins. I don’t think they’re all that polarizing, though, because that would mean that you have to really care either way. Again, they did seem to be nice enough, and were super friendly in a scene where they signed autographs on their Playboy issues. (They even signed an issue and posed with a young boy who wasn’t yet in his teens and probably shouldn’t have access to Playboy.)

Crystal: loves Hef for his personality, likes to scrapbook
Crystal had more personality than both of the twins put together, but that’s not saying much. She seems like a good person and you could tell that she really cares for Hef. She does seem kind of awed at the lifestyle, and explained that she moved in after dating Hef for a month and that when he asked her to be a girlfriend she “got all my clothes into trash bags” and moved in. Crystal’s interests also include exercising and scrapbooking for Hef, for which she’s paid $10 an hour. “I have a regular job, I make $10 per hour in the scrapbook room. I’m not the new Holly, Holly’s the old me.”

Along with cataloging Hef’s memories, Crystal also posts message from the 83 year-old Playboy founder on Twitter. In one scene she lounges with him on a bed while she shows him their Twitter account on her iPhone. I swear she’s yelling so that he can hear her, and the scene really highlights their age difference. Crystal yells to Hef “I looked on your Twitter this morning and you have 73,000 people following you.”

Hef then tries to make a joke about it that just falls flat. “I knew there was something weird going on, I looked over my shoulder and I saw all these people following me. Creepy.” With that Crystal giggles hysterically.

Crystal explained that she likes Hef for his sense of humor and doesn’t consider the age “I never thought I’d fall for a man that is Hef’s age. Day to day life, I don’t notice his age, it isn’t a factor for me. The thing that made me fall in love with Hef is his sense of humor. I just fall in love with him more and more each day.”

Hef is probably only sleeping with Crystal
I don’t think that Hef is romantically involved with the twins, although it’s of course possible. While giving him a hug during their naked video shoot, they both angled their hips back so that they weren’t hugging him full on. There weren’t any scenes of the twins looking intimate with Hef at all. They said that he’s a great guy, though. “We love Hef. He’s smart, he’s outgoing, he’s down to earth. Hef’s a good boyfriend.”

The end of the episode was a trip to Vegas where the twins had their Playboy signing and met up with Hef’s ex girlfriend Holly at the wax museum. Holly tricked them by telling them ahead of time that they would see a wax figure of comic Carrot Top which farted when you pulled its finger. The real Carrot Top was there and they couldn’t tell the difference. Preview scenes from next week promise some drama as new head girlfriend Crystal meets Holly for the first time.

Now that I’ve been introduced to Hef’s new girlfriends, I don’t think I’ll be making many repeat visits. The last set of women all had outside interests and distinct personalities. These three just seem to be in the mansion for the company and eye candy, and frankly it’s not that entertaining. At least Hef has some companions in his old age.

Photos are from 7/17 (twins in bikinis at signing), 9/18 (fundraising for LA AIDs walk) and 10/12 (the twins’ 20th birthday at Kress restaurant in LA). Credit: WENN.com

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24 Responses to “The Girls Next Door premiere: Hef is older, girls younger & less interesting”

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  1. Kaboom says:

    He’d have more personality in the house if he traded them all for a pair of dachshunds.

  2. Kerri says:

    I didn’t even watch it but from what you said i definatley won’t be doing so now. it just sounds like they are all full of shit and trying to recreate what the previous girls had. i knew they would fall short though.

    Who wants to watch a bunch of airheads do nothing anyway.

  3. Firestarter says:

    The picture of Hef drinking from a straw is priceless!LOL! I bet that is how he takes most of his meals.

  4. Faedra says:

    I looooved the old The Girls Next Door. You had Holly, the go getting #1 so in love g/f, then you had Bridget, the soft spoken, made of steel, but sensitive beauty who had career goals, and Kendra, the funny, wild and crazy, no B.S. new kid in the bed. Each one had so much to offer individually, but really complimented one another, and especially Hef. I tried so hard to like this one with the vacant, boring, tiresome to watch girls Hef has now, and i finally had to make myself accept that this trio is not worth the hope they would do something entertaining, so i switched to Discovery Channel. That alone should say volumns! Sorry Hef, they are ALL losers for this show. They are like gag presents…so pretty outside, but absolutely NOTHING inside!

  5. ToddRH says:

    Not saying much but this has to be far more entertaining than “Jon & Kate Plus 8″ or any of those other fake reality shows. The girls can call it whatever they want, they’re just legal “escorts” for the old guy and as creepy as it sounds and looks…GOOD FOR HIM!

  6. lin234 says:

    Didn’t watch it. I find it funny that even when you combine all 3 girls ages, Hef is still 20+ years older. Ick! I wonder how many stds that old man has had in his lifetime. How has he escaped from herpes, aids?

  7. Allegra says:

    Hef will still be Hef no matter how old he gets. He will have enough sense to retreat from the public eye when and if it ever becomes sensible. I do not like and won’t be watching the new show. The pervading theme to me would be sadness. What was a home (albeit an unconventional one) is just a parody of what it was. Naturally I do realize the old show was fantasy as well, but the personalities did work and genuine relationships were at work in the dynamics. This is just all window dressing. Blah. Miss you old girls! Bet Hef does too.

  8. Guest says:

    won’t be watching. too blah.

  9. HEB says:

    Crystal’s voice is really annoying.

    The twins are pretty much trying (and failing) to be Kendra.

  10. sol says:

    I loved GND.The original girls Holly,Bridget and Kendra,each with their unique style and way of being.Each had a side job or studied.Each was true to their feeling.

    The show showed them interacting and it was about each of them on their own too.It had the family and friends factor and Hef was on but just to meet and greet ,he didn’t appear for long periods of time.

    I won’t watch this show ,i don’t care about this girls, they don’t inspire me in any way.

    The true girls next door are Holly ,Bridget and Kendra.thanks for the fun, the inspiration and the laughs!!!

  11. original kate says:

    the twins are creepy.

  12. KelBear says:

    Faedra you said it exactly!

  13. Weekends Off says:

    I don’t care about these girls at all. I love the original girls though!

  14. Eden says:

    I watched the new show and these girls are so FAKE and pathetic. It’s no longer about “The Girls Next Door” it’s about showing T&A. Ok, it was T&A before, but not like this!!! All the twins do is take their clothes off every time the camera is on, no personality what so ever!

    I miss Kendra, Holly & Bridget. They were funny, sweet, sincere & seemed to really care about Hef. The new girls act stupid, fake and completely phony when it comes to showing Hefner any sort of affection.

    Oh well, glad I have a remote control…..

  15. Popcorny says:

    Buddy looks like a propped-up ancient Popeye sans the muscles. A very pathetic sight and a very pathetic sleazeball.
    Speaking of sight, his must be getting worse because as far as sluts and whorebags go, these ones look sub-average.
    Just another group of tragically glorified bottom-feeders.

  16. Hieronymus Grex says:

    An even more effective contraceptive is thinking about this crusty withered old lecher spooning with any of those young women. If that doesn’t make you want to puke–

  17. For Sooth? says:

    So I’ll call this hair color Devoid Blonde because these women are devoid of personality, just like the hair color. I sadly caught them on Chelsea Handler. They are a BORE! No wonder Hef is taking so many naps now.

  18. Maritza says:

    I saw the show and frankly I will not watch again. Without Bridget, Holly or Kendra its just not worth watching!

  19. stacy says:

    i watched them on Chelsea Handler and felt dumber for having sat there and listened to it. These girls are dumb. They had no idea that Chelsea was making fun of them the whole time. Go to eonline.com for the interview. its ridiculous. Having said that, I loved the old girls. These girls are no comparison. I will not be watching this show.

  20. pt says:

    I watched the show last night, I loved the girls next door with Holly, Bridget and Kendra. I won’t be showing this season, those girls are dumb and boring as a box of rock!!!!!

  21. Sindy says:

    I watched both episodes thinking that it would get better. I was sooooo wrong. The twins are wannabe Kendra – not working out for them. Crystal is fugly and fake. The biggest surprise was Hef. He acted different. Makes me wonder was he fake then or now? This trio is ridiculous. I watched because Holly was on it and we were told that it would show her and Bridget moving out. Not true. All Crystal does now is go around bragging how better she is than Holly. Tell yourself that enough than you believe it. Hef talks about how much his relationship is real now than with Holly. I don’t think so, I saw more of the real Hef when Holly was in the room. Boring!

  22. adgirl says:

    Dumb. Slutty. Lazy. Trashy. Boring. Annoying. Their voices are weird (like teenage boys whose voices are changing– kind of masculine). I liked the old show even though I really didn’t think I would when it premiered, this one– painful. No thanks.

  23. boredtodeath says:

    wow I was wondering if it was only me. These new girls are so boring and lack any sort of personality. I definitely wont be watching the whole season. It’s the 5th episode and I am already forcing myself to watch. The twins make Kendra look like a rocket scientist because at least she knew pop culture and sports

  24. Me says:

    The new girls are so boring. I tried to like it, but I feel asleep watching it. The twins voices annoy the hell out of me and they try to be outgoing, but you can tell it is out of their comfort zone. Crystal is okay, but still really boring. I found it funny that she said she had a job when all she is doing is the scrap booking which Holly did for Hef first. I guess he liked it so much he wanted all the photos done.