Minka Kelly on her abortion: ‘The smartest decision I could’ve made’

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Many women have been sharing their abortion stories using the hashtag that Busy Philipps started, #YouKnowMe, in light of the very scary, backwards laws sweeping the US, in Georgia, Ohio, Mississippi, Alabama and Missouri. (More on the states which are passing these laws, and the status of each, is in this article on CNN.)

Chandra/Kaiser and I talk about this in the opener to our next podcast, coming out Monday. We haven’t been covering these stories as much because we’re frankly sick to our stomachs about them. It reminds us very much of the #MeToo stories and how difficult they were to write about. The end game is to get one of these state laws to the Supreme Court so they can overturn Roe v. Wade, which is why someone paid off that alcoholic rapist’s debt and installed him there. We are living in Gilead, where they want us to have less control and say over our bodies than corpses do. Here are just a few of the #YouKnowMe stories and People has compiled more, including celebrities who have previously opened up about making reproductive choices. I’m leading with Minka Kelly in the title but there are so many more stories, some from women who are famous, some not. I’m including just a few below.

Here’s part of Minka’s story, from Instagram:

When I was younger I had an abortion. It was the smartest decision I could’ve made, not only for myself & my boyfriend at the time, but also for this unborn fetus.

For a baby to’ve been born to two people — too young and completely ill equipped — with no means or help from family, would have resulted in a child born into an unnecessary world of struggle.
Having a baby at that time would have only perpetuated the cycle of poverty, chaos and dysfunction I was born into.

Forcing a child to be born to a mother who isn’t ready, isn’t financially stable, was raped, a victim of incest (!!), isn’t doing that theoretical child any favors.

For those of you insisting abortion is murder, and to Rep. Terri Collins who said “an unborn baby is a person who deserves love and attention” — forget bringing up the mother might be in need of some “love and attention.” What do you think happens to these kids who end up bouncing around in foster care, live on government assistance because the mother has no help, can’t afford childcare while she works a minimum wage job, and is trapped in a cycle of trying to survive on the meager government assistance so many of you same pro-lifers are determined to also take away.

If you insist on forcing women to carry to term, why do you refuse to talk about comprehensive sex-ed, the maternal mortality rate, free daycare, paid maternity leave?
Our lives, traumas & family planning is for no one to decide but us. Certainly not a group of old white men.

There’s the pressure when covering these stories not only to discuss, but to emotionally come to terms with our own MeToo and abortion stories. I wasn’t able to acknowledge being assaulted, even to myself, until after I heard Dr. Ford’s testimony. I had worked to bury it for 30 years. By total luck of the draw I have never needed an abortion. I did have to do emergency contraception on my own with birth control pills well before the morning after pill was legalized. That was in the early 90s when a condom failed. (I wrote about that about a month ago and previously in 2006.) If my mom hadn’t bought the magazine describing how to do this, if I hadn’t read it and remembered, if I didn’t know when I ovulated, and if I didn’t happen to have old pills on hand my life would have turned out much differently. Or maybe not, because I knew where the clinic was. Abortion is health care and I’m scared for women younger than me, I’m scared for their partners including my son, I’m scared for our country and the way our rights are being systematically stripped from us.

This (below) has happened to me too:

Also:

Let’s look at Minka’s dog. Also where can I get that sweatshirt?

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Same, Freddy.

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photos credit: Getty and via Instagram.

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155 Responses to “Minka Kelly on her abortion: ‘The smartest decision I could’ve made’”

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  1. The Dot says:

    I had an abortion when I was 22. Best decision I ever made. #youknowme

    And yes, it’s sad that we as women are AGAIN having to share our traumas to get people to realize the importance of reproductive freedom. Frankly, I’m sick to death of it.

    • Aang says:

      I was 17. It makes me sad I had to do it but I don’t regret it. My grandmother was married at 15 and had 6 kids, 7 pregnancies, by age 24. My mom was married at 15 and had 3 kids by 21. I saw what that does to a woman, her choices, and her ability to be her own fully formed person. Never would I have chosen that path for myself and I’m so grateful I had the freedom and resources to do what was best for myself and my future family.

      • a reader says:

        I had one at 24. I was in a brand new relationship, it was condom failure, and I’d just lost my job so I had no health insurance or income. In addition, I have NEVER wanted kids. It was a good decision, one that was difficult and which took a while to heal from mentally, and I do not regret it for one moment.

        And isn’t it sad that we feel we have to explain our reasons? To justify our decisions? We shouldn’t have to engage in these emotional gymnastics nor should we have to air our trauma, but there it is.

    • M says:

      Indeed. I was 21 #youknowme

      Guy turned out to be a sociopath and tried to have me murdered six years later. Had there been a baby/child involved and he not get his way, I would 200% be dead today.

      • Helena says:

        I was 18, in a new relationship and my freshman year of college. I had no doubt in my mind I wanted to have my abortion and I did it willingly. Luckily I was in New York and it was a relatively simple process. My boyfriend came with me and looked after me for a few days afterwards. I am so grateful to have had this procedure available to me. I had a couple of pangs of regret when my boyfriend died a few years later and a couple when I was going through infertility, but I am at peace now and so grateful for all the women speaking out. It certainly makes me feel less alone. #youknowme

    • Jag says:

      I’ve had 2 abortions. The first, I was 17 and forced to have it by my mother. She wouldn’t let me go to the “unwed mother’s home” that our church had in order to give the child up for adoption. Decades later, I asked her why, and she said that she “was too young to be a grandmother.” (I had run away before because both parents were abusive, so I knew that if I ran again, they would put me in juvenile hall again.)

      The second was when I was 20. I had been on Accutane and neither my G.P. nor the dermatologist could tell me how long it stays in a woman’s system. What they did tell me was that if it were still in my system when I got pregnant, that the baby would suffer from horrific birth defects and would die – either inside of me or shortly after birth. (Dying inside me could have killed me, too.) And if he or she lived past birth, there would be millions of dollars’ worth of medical bills while my child suffered until he or she died. I couldn’t do that to a child, so made the decision and my boyfriend took me. (He was later emotionally and physically abusive, so it ended up good that I wasn’t tied to him forever by a child.) #youknowme

      • Lex says:

        That is severe criminal negligence on the part of those doctors. It was drilled into me that I couldn’t get pregnant on Accutane and I was 15. I had to go on birth control before they’d prescribe me.

  2. Seraphina says:

    Bottom line is that if they want women to keep these babies, they need to provide resources to help them. Which is not the case and these poor women must do it alone. And child support is a joke. Let’s be honest about that.

    It infuriates me that we are being told what we can and cannot do to our bodies. Throughout history women have found ways to abort pregnancies and at the risk of their own life. The more I type the angrier I get. I had a co worker (white male southern baptist) tell me abortion is wrong and as a Christian I should be against it because it’s a sin. I told him: it’s God’s to judge her and not your right to impose your will on others. You won’t be held accountable, she will. He could only say: it’s wrong. Just infuriating when I think about it.

    I really feel sad and scared for young women growing up having to deal with this issue.

    • Omelette says:

      Completely agree. I’m a Christian and I believe any talk about being “pro-life” while upholding a ruthless system that glorifies profit and wealth while kicking vulnerable people to the curb and destroying nature is a bunch of hypocritical BS.

      I’ve been thinking a lot about the reasons why I never considered an abortion when I had pregnancy scares in my teens. It’s because A) I never had to go through the trauma of rape B) I have kind, loving parents with means who told me they would raise the baby if I couldn’t C) the system here, while far from perfect, garantees at least universal healthcare and 16 weeks of mandatory paid maternity leave, which is imo the bare minimum it should provide to babies and mothers. It’s not because of some inate moral superiority, or because I was afraid to burn in hell, or because abortion was illegal. I was very lucky in life and society cared enough about my rights as a person that I didn’t panic at the thought of bringing a baby into this world.

      You want to make abortion numbers go down? Change society. Make it more kind and caring. Support women in tough situations. Educate men to be responsible. Give everyone easy and cheap access to contraception and healthcare. Stop telling everyone that the end-all to human existence is getting rich while you destroy natural ressources for future generations. But oh noez, all of that requires decent public service and costs money, which is exactly what these greedy old bastards are not willing to give up. They say they want to “protect life” and they abuse God’s name to make it sound as if they’re charitable men, but in the end the only thing they care about is whether or not it will make a dent in their coffers. They are washing their hands of the women who will die because of their law.

      • TQB says:

        Omelette, that was truly beautifully said and touching. Thank you.

      • DP says:

        Yes, thank you for sharing!

      • North of Boston says:

        Wonderfully said.

        The hypocrisy of these so-called “pro-life” so-called “Christians” is abhorrent.

        There are many humane, responsible ways to reduce the # of abortions (better, more affordable access to reproductive education, health care, contraceptives; support systems for expectant parents, sane maternity leave policies, better and affordable access to child care for working parents, etc etc) Making abortion illegal is not one of them. Neither is punishing victims of rape or punishing victims of incest or punishing woman carrying nonviable pregnancies by FORCING them to carry a pregnancy to term.

    • whatWHAT? says:

      anytime a man (or ANYONE) says “it’s wrong”, answer with “then don’t have one”.

    • Seraphina says:

      My husband and I discussed “what if” when I was pregnant with our first. And if the baby was ill what we would do. Being a Roman Catholic, my husband was dead set against an abortion. And I realized this was probably something we should have discussed before pregnancy or even marriage, but I digress. So his argument was that it was a sin and we should have the child. I explained to him, that he was worried about his own morality and his eternal damnation then the quality of life of another human being. And that alone is selfish. We were sacrificing a human to (in essence) to save our souls. And especially if the quality was so poor that it wasn’t really a life??

      It raises more philosophical issues between us but thankfully he could see my point. Why bring in a life, into this world, when there is no quality?

      And the older I get the more I see abortion as a way for men to control women. I once heard a psychologist say that men never really know if the child is theirs, not like the mother who carries (if that makes sense) and that is embedded into the subconscious. I believe it. Sheds light on many subjects.

      • Tiffany :) says:

        “he was worried about his own morality and his eternal damnation then the quality of life of another human being.”

        Wow, that’s very profound.

      • Seraphina says:

        @ Tiffany, profound? How so.

      • Tiffany :) says:

        Because I’ve always heard it described as if the abortion is the selfish thing, but in reality, to extend the suffering of a baby because you are afraid of what will happen to yourself in the afterlife is even more selfish. I’ve never heard it phrased that way and I found it to be very powerful.

      • Seraphina says:

        @Tiffany, Thank you for explaining. I was thankful my husband saw the irony. And especially when the afterlife is unknown. Like my youngest said when he was 10: so we aren’t sure if there is a heaven? No one has come back except Jesus???? I confirmed and that we go on belief. He got real quiet and I saw the wheels churning.
        And regardless of the health of the baby, it’s always a woman’s right to choose. She alone will answer for her actions and to impose my beliefs on someone when it will not affect me personally is so wrong. I’m very pro choice :)
        My body, my choice, my right.

      • Tiffany :) says:

        “regardless of the health of the baby, it’s always a woman’s right to choose. She alone will answer for her actions and to impose my beliefs on someone when it will not affect me personally is so wrong.”

        I agree 100%! It is impossible to separate the pregnancy from the mother, as it is her body that is doing the work of creation, and she alone will absorb the total impact of her decision.

        I find it very heartwarming that you and your family can have such discussions and work through these big issues together! That you and your husband didn’t just dig into your positions, but you talked it out. It’s very positive and healthy trait in a relationship! I hope you have a wonderful weekend. :)

      • Seraphina says:

        Thank you Tiffany, you too!!! :)

      • Marianne says:

        NO. He was worried about the taking of a human life. What’s so hard to understand about that?

        These quality of life arguments puzzle me. Whose quality of life are we talking about? You don’t know the child would not want to live. All you can say is that you don’t want the child to live. That’s not the same thing.

    • Meghan says:

      @Seraphina- I’ve had an abortion and I’ve always said ” I am the one who has to answer for it when I die. Pretty sure you won’t be present to TSK at me for my decisions.”

      It shouldn’t even matter if a woman strolls into a clinic for an abortion just because it is a day that ends in Y, that is HER decision and SHE has to deal with that, no one else. I was lucky and had a couple cramps and was fine the next day and i know it was the right decision. Dude got another girl pregnant right when I would have been having the baby and he also recently committed suicide because of a minor drug possession charge and left behind 3 kids.

      My pregnancy with my almost 3 year old almost killed me health wise and psychologically, I would not have survived a pregnancy with that dude.

  3. Megan says:

    Men are responsible for 100% of abortions. Where is the accountability for them? None of these laws address child support and co-equal parenting.

    • Elkie says:

      Criminalise non-consensual impregnation, then once it is a crime, use the civil asset forfeiture laws to seize the entire cost of pregnancy care and raising a child until it is 18 (since women being anything other than stay at home mothers is against God’s will. Or something).

      I’m pretty sure most guys would rubber up if their homes and cars were on the line.

    • Millenial says:

      Design Mom did a great post of my irresponsible ejaculation is responsible for 100% of abortions. If men could just ejaculate responsibly, this wouldn’t even be an issue. It was really an interesting way to frame it, but (most) men aren’t listening.

  4. Kimma1216 says:

    I agree, I have also had an abortion and I had never spoken about it because it is personal and private and it was nobody’s business. But it’s disgusting that we have to air this to the public now that we are regressing back on women’s rights and issues. I am beside myself with how horrible all of this is..

  5. Sparker says:

    Canadians are having this conversation also, because it’s the flip-side of the anti-immigration conversation. Birth rates are abysmally low so if the immigrants aren’t replacing us someone has to make babies. Also, these policies mark the end of the American dream and the last nail in the coffin for the middle class because the wealthy will always have a choice and these policies only keep poor people poor. It’s the wealthy few deciding to farm the rest of us.

    • Arpeggi says:

      Let’s not forget that before Trudeau’s election, there was no abortion clinic on PEI; women had to go to Nova Scotia to abort (yes it was covered, but you still have to take the days off to go). That’s one thing I’m thankful for. And women in parts of New-Brunswick still have to go to Quebec to abort cuz there aren’t facilities closer… And Plan B isn’t always sold in pharmacies because of their owners’ ideologies (not a problem in Qc but many of my Maritime friends have struggled with that. We’re definitely not better than the neighbors!

      • HK9 says:

        No we’re not. It should be accessible to everyone and the fact that whole provinces are being obstructive and well as judgy pharmacists is problematic. If you don’t live in certain cities an abortion is very hard to get, much less coming up with the money for travel and lodging if necessary.

      • Megan says:

        Moving abortions from hospitals to clinics really hurt access and created a space to harass and threaten providers. If hospitals can perform D&Cs, why can’t they perform abortions?

      • DM2 says:

        Megan – a lot of hospitals perform abortions in conjunction with clinics, which are found mostly in the major cities.

  6. Anilehcim says:

    I never had one, but my older sister did. So did my mom. In the case of my sister, she’s ashamed bc of the horrible stigma that our society places on this. It’s like a deep dark secret for so many women because they’re automatically viewed as trash or whores. I have always hated that we live in a world where any woman is made to feel like it somehow makes her “less than.” In the case of my sister, it was an accidental consequence from a one night stand at 18 years old.

    I cannot begin to understand anywho who thinks their religious views should be forced upon other people. It’s so simple: if you don’t like something, don’t YOU do it, but how fucking dare you think you can stop someone else from doing something bc you disagree with it.

    Thank you to the women who are talking about their abortions now. Talking about it makes the stigma go away. These lawmakers are hateful and they’re hoping that they can shame women into bending to their will. They delude themselves that this country can somehow become a Christian theocracy because THEY want it that way. It really is so simple: women have ALWAYS sought abortions and we always will. No law will ever stop that. But if you want to deny women access to safely obtain them, you cannot possibly give a single fuck about your fellow human beings. A clump of cells does not matter more than the woman whose body contains it.

    Don’t like abortions? Don’t have one! MIND YOUR OWN FUCKING BUSINESS. THE END.

    • HeyThere! says:

      “Don’t like abortions? Don’t have one! MIND YOUR OWN FUCKING BUSINESS. THE END.”

      ONE MILLION PERCENT THIS!!!!!!! This sums up my feelings exactly!!!!

      • TQB says:

        Don’t have one, and don’t have unprotected sex. And don’t BS me that “she said she was on the pill.” If you don’t know for sure, don’t go there. Wear a rubber and pull out anyway. Get a vasectomy. Stop acting like your penis is somehow out of your control.

    • otaku fairy... says:

      All of this. Just thinking about all the possible bad situations this can put women (and their children) in makes it more upsetting and shows how cold these anti-choice positions are. Too many people place so much importance on upholding that brand of morality that they don’t care or think too much about how women and girls will have to be hurt and put at risk to uphold it.

    • Celebitchy says:

      ooh thanks! Not in my size or budget bummer.

      • LolaB says:

        If you google “Odd Future OFWGKTA cat rainbow hoodie,” a bunch of them come up in various sizes and prices (from like $3 to $300, who knows why). Good luck finding your cat hoodie!

  7. Cas says:

    I can’t believe men who faint while watching childbirth videos think they have the right to make a woman go through that against her will.

    I’m pro life for myself but I have no right to impose my views on another woman. Wish the right wingers understand that.

    • Omelette says:

      Same as you. I have my own views on the matter but I would never dream of supporting an anti-abortion law. If these clowns opened a history book once in a while they would see that making abortion illegal never did anything to stop it from happening.

    • NightOwl says:

      And that is the very definition of pro-choice, which is that you have the right to choose your path and allow others to do the same.

  8. Digital Unicorn says:

    Many of the anti-choice brigade are men who hate the thought of not having control over a woman (mind, body and soul) – its not and never has been about the baby, but always about having control over a women’s body. We are nothing but a piece of meat to these people. As for the anti-choice women, they have been so brainwashed by the misogyny of the patriarchy – there isn’t anything we can do to change their mind such as the amount of KoolAid they have drunk.

    Even in the UK this is becoming an issue with certain parties seeking to reduce the limit, again parroting the ‘its used as a form of contraception’ nonsense.

    I am also very alarmed that the number of men who are refusing to use condoms, claiming they are allergic to them when the reality is they don’t want to wear them as it interfere’s with their ‘pleasure’. They also seem to have the attitude the STD’s are the women’s problem not theirs.

    The more rights women get the more hateful certain types of men become.

    • Elkie says:

      The guy behind Alabama’s bill openly admitted that the destruction of IVF embryos – which are just as “human” and have the same potential for creating a baby as those in utero – would not be covered as they’re not “in a woman’s body. She’s not pregnant”.

      I’m sure it’s just a coincidence that keeping a frozen embryo alive against someone’s will doesn’t physically/economically compromise them in the same way that pregnancy does and that the kind of women/couples who have IVF are those who can afford $10-15K a cycle…

    • NotSoSocialButterfly says:

      This is precisely right, Digital Unicorn.

    • Harryg says:

      Totally agree with you Unicorn.
      People who ban abortions should be taxed extra to help these children all the way through college. They should be forced to foster children whose parents are unable to take care of them. They should be ferried to an island where they can happily live in their Handmaid’s Tale dystopia.
      Your twelve-year-old daughter is raped by her brother or father or grandfather? Or whoever? Really, she would have to go through pregnancy? I’m furious. The Alabama abortion banners are revolting people.

    • lucy2 says:

      100% about control. The more they feel it slipping away, the harder they fight to keep it.
      You don’t see them out there mandating vasectomies, right?

  9. Ali says:

    Joining the chorus of this is so frightening and maddening.

    My best friend in high school had an abortion the summer we graduated. #iknowher

    Where are all of the men who say they support women and women’s rights? We can’t do this alone.

    • Celebitchy says:

      My best friend in high school also, also the summer we graduated.

      • Ang says:

        Mine too. I paid for it with the little savings I had because she was scared to tell her parents.

    • Alissa says:

      My mom had one when she was 17. My sister had one when she was 17 and one when she was 21. I have so many friends who have had one. And only two of the women I know who have had one are not currently mothers.

      My stepson’s girlfriend, who we love, had one this month last year – and she messaged me the other day saying how hard it is for her to hear these conversations now. #Iknowher

      I have never had to have one, but my husband and I had a lengthy conversation about it the other night. And our conversation made me really happy that I married a good man.

    • Jess says:

      I’m in Alabama and attending a peaceful protest Sunday, my dad is coming with me and my 11 year old daughter. My mother had an abortion after she had my younger brother because she knew she couldn’t mentally handle it, she was drowning with the 3 she had and my dad supported her decision 100%. I’m so proud he’s coming with me!! My husband is flying out of town otherwise he would be. We definitely need the men to step and speak here as well.

      • Snowflake says:

        Good Jess. Where is it? I’m in Florida but close enough to drive depending on where it is. Scary times.

  10. Veronica S. says:

    Honestly, we should all be afraid of this. Because I guarantee that some of these are calculated legislature designed to reach the Supreme Court. They know it’ll be challenged, but they want it to be – because with a conservative majority, Roe v Wade is in more danger than ever before. Won’t take long for Griswold vs Conneticut to be challenged soon after if it is overturned, and then women will really be in the shit.

    • Rapunzel says:

      Griswold v. Connecticut is the biggie here. Then no Birth Control pills. That’s been the fight since the pill was invented.

      • North of Boston says:

        Heck some of them (the old white men and other misogynists) even get wrapped around an axle at the thought of birth control pills being available to women who need them to treat serious, debilitating medical issues, such as endometriosis.

        It’s mean-spirited, judgemental, misogynist BS!

  11. Katkat says:

    My sister had an abortion. She was raped by her husband. She doesn’t regret her decision. She divorced her abusive ex. She doesn’t owe anyone an explanation or apology. We support her!

  12. SM says:

    Ok. I never discussed it with anyone apart from my husband and my doctor, but I got pregnant unplanned. I was on a verge of finishing my PhD, had sick parents to take care of and most importantly I never saw myself as a mother. Now I think that my decision NOT to terminate the pregnancy is the best thing that ever happened to me. But I also know that I was the one in control of that decision and it was mine because I did have a choice and it was made freely. The right is about being in control of your life decisions and taking up the responsibility that comes with making choices in life rather than being forced into a situation you have absolutely no control over. Now every time my son drives me into complete desperation by acting out I remind myself I chose that. It gives the difficult toddler situations a completely different spin. I can’t understand how is it possible to force unto someone this enormous responsibility to raise a human when they are not ready…

  13. Mophie121 says:

    I’ve never had an abortion, never needed emergency contraception, I’ve always had healthcare and loving healthy relationships based on respect with my partners and other men in my life (Dad, brother, uncles, cousins etc.). To my knowledge this has been the experience of the women in my family and my friends. I’ve never needed a woman to talk about their abortion, their assault, their trauma in order for me to strongly and vociferously advocate for women and their basic rights as humans. Because I’m a human who can think outside myself and my immediate circle.

    I hate that women are in a position where there’s a need to tell these stories. I commend the women who do and support the women who keep their experiences a private experience.

    The morning after the election I SOBBED on the phone to my dad saying they were gonna overturn Roe v Wade (among many other things). He called me this week and apologized for telling me at the time it would be okay, and that I was right.

  14. Suki66 says:

    Some of the most moving stories I’ve ever read were collected by Andrew Sullivan at the daily dish. He asked women to speak about late-term abortion. The stories are so heartbreaking, but they really humanize the women who find themselves in that situation. A really good read: http://dish.andrewsullivan.com/threads/its-so-personal/

    • Harryg says:

      Thank you. This should be high school mandatory reading.

    • Tiffany :) says:

      I read a woman’s story today that was so heart wrenching.
      Trigger warning…

      She said that her baby that she wanted very much started to deliver far too early at 17 weeks. The doctors told her there was nothing that could be done to save the baby. She was in Kentucky, and so they wouldn’t step in to terminate the pregnancy, they made her wait through it for hours with the baby’s feet coming out of her mother. The mother was vulnerable to infection, but they wouldn’t intervene unless she was near death. The woman’s cervix wasn’t open far enough, the baby was breech, so the baby’s head was stuck and she ended up suffocating to death.

      For all of their talk about caring for life, it shows no compassion or mercy to make a baby die a slow and traumatic death. How could anyone who cares for other human beings make a woman suffer through such a slow end to the life she wanted to bring into the world? They use horror stories about late term abortion to hide the very legitimate medical reasons they might be necessary.

    • Tiffany :) says:

      From your link:
      “Our priest told us that he believed we were not choosing our son’s death, only choosing the timing of his death in order to spare him a great deal of suffering.”

      So powerful.

  15. Franny says:

    Sadly, even these exceptions for rape or incest are meaningless. We know that it is nearly impossible to get a rape conviction, as our society and justice system are designed to protect the predator. How many thousands of rape kits go untested every year? When rape is proven, judges slap the perpetrators on the wrist.

    Does a traumatized pregnant woman have to endure a rape trial and then if there isn’t enough evidence (because only video will do for some of these people), be forced to have the baby?

    The burden is always on the victim when it comes to sexual assault. It’s worse for kids who are in abusive households. A child who is raped by an adult male is in a bad situation. These laws pile on and make it that much worse for them. If Roe v Wade is overturned, the justice system would be throwing these kids to the wolves in exchange for cheap political points.

    • Léna says:

      I was also wondering that. How does it work if abortion is only allowed in case of rape? Does the victime has to prove it, press charges, go to court to get a conviction against the rapist to have that abortion? In the end it is impossible. So it’s also meaningless because those procedures can take months or years (at least in my country)

      • Franny says:

        I’m not sure what the laws say about rape, but since they are designed to be as restrictive as possible, I can’t imagine that any woman or girl will have a fair way to make that claim.

  16. Becks1 says:

    Like others, I’m infuriated that women once again have to share their personal stories to get through to people (because its not just men. A white woman signed the Alabama ban into law.) But, I do think its helpful (unfortunately, it shouldn’t be necessary) because so many pro life people just think that abortion is bad because its the woman who is 37 weeks pregnant who waltzes into Planned Parenthood because “she was tired of being pregnant.” Um, no. That’s not what it is. That’s not what happens.

    I hate the rape/incest exceptions, because to me it is just forcing more trauma on someone after an already traumatic event.

    I have never had an abortion, but I had two kids, and after those pregnancies (which weren’t that bad overall) I am way more pro choice than I ever was before. No one should have to do that to their body if they don’t want to. No one.

    • North of Boston says:

      “…because so many pro life people just think that abortion is bad…”

      People who want to bar access to abortions for everyone are NOT pro-life. (If they were, they’d be advocating for better access to health care, maternity leave, child care, early childhood education, etc etc.)
      And they are NOT anti-abortion. (if they were, they’d be advocating for better access to reproductive health care and birth control)
      They are anti-choice- they want to control other people’s bodies and other people’s lives.

  17. NightOwl says:

    I ran across an interesting take on reproductive rights that starts with “men are 100% responsible for unwanted pregnancies:” https://twitter.com/designmom/status/1040363431893725184?s=12

    • Gil says:

      There is a episode of HBO’s “Young Pope” in which the pope is having a debate with a cardenal stating that women shouldn’t not be held accountable for unwanted pregnancies. The Pope says something like this: Women cannot control their eggs emission but men can control they sperm emission.

      I thought that was interesting I mean I cannot ovulate to my own will but men can ejaculate to their own will. So yeah men should be held accountable for unwanted pregnancies too

      • Megs says:

        This. How are men not held accountable for pregnancies (well, I know) but honestly, if these woman can’t get legal and safe abortions, then we need to hold the biological father responsible, financially, or how about jail them for a few weeks for cocreating this circumstance to begin with?
        I would really just love for this party to be open and honest and say “yeah, we don’t care about the baby, but you sluts need to be responsible for your poor actions” (I’m not calling women sluts, I’m imagining that is how they think of us.

  18. Tootsie McJingle says:

    There’s a woman I used to go to church with that I’m friends with on Facebook (although I really need to unfriend her). She is very religious and the most sanctimonious a-hole I’ve ever come across. She is very against abortion so of course she is posting articles celebrating the decisions in Georgia and Alabama. She is very into shaming women who have had abortions and will happily let you know that those women are going to hell. She had a baby not too long ago and while she was pregnant, she made the point of posting at different points in her pregnancy how the baby could be aborted in gruesome detail. She is one of the worst people I know and yet she considers herself a Christian. It’s disgusting. I call myself a Christian as well. We use the same term yet could not be more different.

    • Chaine says:

      Yeah, I think you should unfriend her.

    • Omelette says:

      I wonder if your Facebook acquaintance is also strongly opposed to the death penalty, war, weapons trade, owning a gun, fracking, using fossil fuels, privatising land to exploit natural ressources in spite of the damage it does to ecosystems, and turning away refugees stricken by misery and violence at the border. Wish someone would point out to her that if you pick and choose what the “life” in “pro-life” actually means for your own convenience, you’re playing God.

    • Franny says:

      The Bible never even mentions abortion once, so that mentality makes no sense at all.

    • Betsy says:

      I would unfriend her after letting her know why.

      And I’m guessing that kind of over the top anger is focused inward. Like I’m 90% sure she had an abortion that she didn’t totally want or now regrets and this is how she makes herself feel better/distances herself from her past.

  19. BCity says:

    One of my friends had an abortion at 14 years old after being raped by her stepfather. Can you imagine forcing a traumatized child to not only carry a pregnancy to term, but also possibly undergo a c-section? The GOP and their Christian-fascist followers can. Fuck every single last one of them.

  20. lanne says:

    I comment a lot on the Duchess Meghan posts because her experience in the media highlights how black women have been treated in all walks of life forever. The ghastly media pile-on she gets has shocked a lot of people, as it seems so heavy-handed and unwarranted. Her abuse has triggered a lot of us, women of all backgrounds. Women with narcissistic or abusive parents, women held to toxic and undermining double standards, WOC held to different standards than white women. Her story even showcases how white women’s tears are weaponized against WOC. I say all of that because I want to thank the women who have told their stories here. This is a gossip site, and yet it’s been so much more for so many of us. It’s been a place where we can give voice to some of the things that threaten to crush our spirits and push us backwards. I’ve received so many insights here, been affirmed. I’ve laughed out loud at the wit of fellow posters.

    So here it goes. I’m taking to American white women who post here now. It crushes my soul to have to say that as much as I have loved and cherished individual white women in my life, I cannot trust you as a group. Over and over, you show that when push come to shove, you will stand with white men and accept your place in their hierarchy so long as you get to be placed above black women. We are in this place in the USA because of your complacency at best and your complicity at worst. It hurts me to say this because we SHOULD be in solidarity. We share so much with each other–our experiences, our pain, our trials, our accomplishments. We can learn so much from each other. All of those wonderful connective experiences we have on individual levels, why can’t we build on them? Or better yet, why don’t we?

    Black women can’t do this by ourselves. We show up. We vote. We carry the progressive cause on our backs and get kicked in the guts by black men, who take us for granted, and white women, who only reach out to us when it’s convenient. White women, get over your collective “cool girl who hangs with the boys” bullshit. You’re not “different from other women.” You’re not “cool.” When push comes to shove, so many “cool girls” come to realize that in the eyes of men, you’re just another “some bitch.” (How many times have I read white women write about “I used to be a cool girl but now I know better?”). White women, stop acting like collective Cool Girls! There are so many white women out there marching, protesting, canvassing, speaking out, but there are still too many who are just fast asleep.

    If you’re a white woman who doesn’t vote, or just votes the way your husband does, or “I just stay away from politics because I want to make everybody happy:” WE CANT WIN THIS WITHOUT YOU!!! I don’t want any daughter I may have to to have to (god forbid) carry her rapists child to term and share custody with a rapist! I don’t want any 16 year old girl who gets pregnant to have to carry a child to term because babies are “slut punishment.” I don’t want a mother with three kids who gets pregnant again to have to give birth to a child she can’t feed. I don’t want a woman who learns that her much wanted child has a condition incompatible with life to have to carry that life to term only to see it die in pain. I don’t want a women who has a miscarriage to be investigated for murder. I don’t want a women who’s in an abusive relationship have a miscarriage weaponized against her by a vengeful partner or in law. I don’t want a 12 year old girl who gets raped by her father to have to carry a child to term that her body is too immature to deliver safely. We aren’t just slouching toward Gilead. We’re on a runaway train to Gilead as we speak. What terrifies me is that the men who are driving the train are doing so out of pure spite. They hate us. They hate our power, our voices, our intelligence, our resourcefulness, our sex positivity, our independence, our strength. They have staked their manhood on taking it away.

    Please help us, white women. This is your fight. Help us by talking to other white women about this, by voting, by calling out people who make ignorant comments instead of sitting in embarrassed silence. Please.

    • Chimney says:

      I agree with all of this top to bottom!! White women, stop being afraid of confrontation and “rocking the boat.” Black women, poor women, and other WOC are just canaries in the coal mine, policies that negatively affect us will come for you too. Alabama is largely black (more than a quarter) and will be a litmus test for how easily the right can take our rights away. Wake up and stop being complacent. Vote!

      • duchess of hazard says:

        @Chimney YES at everything written here, especially this: Black women, poor women, and other WOC are just canaries in the coal mine, policies that negatively affect us will come for you too.

    • snappledietpeach says:

      Lanne – I hope you dont get any replies starting with #notallwhitewomen

      this is the absolute truth

    • otaku fairy... says:

      Beautiful. There’s so much truth in this post.

    • Leah says:

      Thank you so much for your words. White women pushed Trump’s election into reality. Let’s not forget that most black women and Latinos OVERALL voted for Hillary Clinton.

      I work with so many privileged white women who mistakenly prioritize their “friendships” and close work relationships with men. Our women’s group at my corporate office gets constantly lambasted for dividing and being “uninclusive” while the “pride” group has flourished, I wonder why!? Could it be because men take up the majority of that group’s membership? Every room, every event, every promotion, every logical raise in salary is either for men or by men.

      Complacency and complicity are the issues with white women in today’s society.

    • Christina says:

      Lane, I agree 100 percent.

      I’m nauseated with fear for our young women. I had two abortions. One when I was 15 and one at 17. Birth control failed the second time. The first time, I didn’t understand that I could become pregnant while at the end of menstration. I was young, Catholic, a woman of color, poor, and expected to become a statistic.

      This is horrible. Misogyny has control now. #youknowme

    • Tiffany :) says:

      Very well said. It is an important responsibility for progressive-minded white women to work to change the minds of white women who support the status quo.

    • Jaded says:

      Thank you lanne. You are brave to write this and you are spot on. At 17 my older sister was forced to go to a Quebec nunnery to have an unwanted child because it was back in 1965 when there was no access to legal abortion in Canada. She was treated horribly by the so-called Christian nuns and berated daily for her immoral behaviour. It traumatized her for life. I became pregnant when I was 21 – I had a mentally and emotionally abusive boyfriend and did I mention he was an alcoholic? We broke up, got back together, wash, rinse, repeat and I kept going off the pill. Big mistake. By the time I realized I was pregnant I’d broken off with him for good, was in a deep depression, didn’t have a job, was barely scraping by and could not bring a child into this world under those circumstances. Fortunately I found a sympathetic doctor in Toronto and although it was one of the hardest things I’ve had to do, I really didn’t have a choice.

      All this to say, it’s hard enough being white and having to go through this but being a WOC makes it all that much harder and we women, white and black and yellow and brown, need to band together to fight the scourge of reproductive control. There is an uber-conservative creep happening from the US into Canada and several of our Premiers are voicing personal opinions that birth control should not be considered a “medical benefit” and that abortion should be banned. They’re men dontcha know. We need to demand that men should be JUST as responsible for unwanted pregnancies, that THEY should be on birth control as equal partners, and that they should also stand up and be heard in the chorus of voices against the repulsive tidal wave of disallowing woman their own reproductive freedoms.

      • DM2 says:

        Jaded – which Premiers? ‘Cause even Ford, who is Trump-lite, said he wouldn’t open the debate again – not that he can be trusted. It’s considered to be political suicide for any party that brings up any reversal to this issue, but we can never not be vigilant.

      • greta says:

        Jason Kenny?

      • Jaded says:

        DM2 – Jason Kenny, the new Conservative leader Andrew Scheer, B.C. MLA’s Rich Coleman and Laurie Throness, Niagara West MPP Sam Oosterhoff. Doug Ford says he won’t reopen debate on the subject but nobody trusts him as far as they can throw him and he has welcomed support from an anti-abortion/ultra-conservative group called “Right Now” which is involving itself in provincial leadership races. Doug Ford was one of their picks in Ontario.

    • Tiffany :) says:

      I found this article from CNN about how Alabama cares for “life outside the womb”, and it is so informative.

      It contains some really horrifying numbers about the mortality rates of black mothers in the state. Nationwide, black maternal mortality rates are unacceptably high, but in Alabama, they are truly criminal. From the article:

      “In 2017, there were 31 pregnancy-related deaths out of 100,000 live births for white women in Alabama and 84.1 per 100,000 live births for black women and others.
      In contrast, between 2011 and 2014, there were an average of 12.4 deaths per 100,000 live births for white women and 40 deaths per 100,000 live births for black women in the United States, according to the CDC.”

      MORE THAN DOUBLE the national average for black maternal death in Alabama! That is a CRISIS!

      “There are 46 hospitals in Alabama that offer obstetrical care, but they exist in only 29 of Alabama’s 67 counties” (That means 38 counties have no hospitals with obstetrical care!!!)

      https://www.cnn.com/2019/05/16/health/alabama-treatment-of-living/index.html

    • Laura-j says:

      As a white woman I cosign 100%. I absolutely try to use my privilege that is nothing but the lottery of birth to bring up POC with me as best I can. I don’t have enough power to do a lot, but I push for hiring POC and WOC especially when I get a say. I do my best to stand by you and call things out as I see them. And I try to have those hard conversations with my POC friends.

      My main takeaway from these abortion laws is that the privileged will always get their abortions, it’s law to keep down the under represented people in our community and it’s just so f’n obvious. My money and my votes will go to help these causes.

      I’m not perfect, but I’ll keep trying and I will stand beside you and up for you, as long as I live.

    • yati says:

      So much this! Also I see it’s the majority of actresses sharing their abortion stories are white- and it’s another added layer of privilege to be able to do this. Like the actress on this post- yeah sure it’s brave to share but women of color don’t feel that safety net of confidence.

    • DP says:

      I agree, Lanne. I am a white woman and I will keep trying. My husband and I both despise Trump and everything he stands for. I speak to my like minded friends about it often. I speak up when people are saying something offensive or stupid. I talk openly to my kids about it. Thankfully, husband does too.
      It’s not enough though. I’m sorry to say, we both avoid the tough topics with anyone we think may be a Trump supporter. I just don’t want to engage.
      During the election, I spoke out against Trump. I fought with my dad, I left an in-laws party because I couldn’t believe what was being said (and I made it known). When I found out people were thinking of voting for him, I tried to talk them out of it.
      But something has happened since then. I think of these people as lost causes and I try to avoid them and or the topic. If it comes up, I do speak up, but it usually doesn’t. It’s as if everyone is afraid to rock the polite boat. I talk to only a handful of friends about how scared and disgusted we are by this administration, but I need to do better.
      Thank you for calling me out. I just signed up to go to a local meeting of mostly woman democrats that are trying to figure out how we can better organize and supports important causes and candidates.
      I’m not sure I would have signed up if I hadn’t read your post.

      • lawyergal says:

        Lanne is completely right – and it’s not that hard. Here’s the harsh truth. You don’t change anything by going to that meeting. Cut every Trump supporter out of your life immediately, including your father and in laws, and leave your husband if he doesn’t do the same. Social annihilation is what’s needed here.

    • Betsy says:

      It’s a sensible position you have here, Ianne. I’m white. My female family, my friends are all liberal and I don’t understand why most white women keep supporting the patriarchy. I don’t. So your newfound conviction to not trust white women collectively – I’ll go ahead and call us a Becky of women – seems sound to me.

  21. Gil says:

    I live in Japan and here things are a bit better but so wrong in so many levels. Here in Japan abortions are legal but you need your husbands/partner consent in order to get the procedure. You read well, it doesn’t matter if your are a single woman deciding to get the procedure you will need the dude’s sign. If not you will need to present a police report stating that you have been raped. This is BS, abortions are legal here but women don’t have agency over their own bodies. It pisses me off to no end.

    • Omelette says:

      When my sister lived in Japan, one of her friends had an abortion and a male friend of theirs agreed to go with her pretending to be the father even though he wasn’t, since she’d gotten pregnant before even arriving in the country. He signed the form and that was that. They must know this happens all the time because it’s not like they can go through with a DNA test, and yet they continue to infantilize women.

      • Gil says:

        It’s pointless indeed but they really make a big deal of it. If you don’t have a guy’s approval you cannot get procedure done. The doctors won’t say anything but the nurses would tell you just need to get the papers sign by a friend and that’s it.

    • Léna says:

      How can they be sure the guy agreeing to the abortion is the “father” of the embryo? Just wondering, how can they prove it, doing DNA test afterwards?

      • Omelette says:

        As far as I know, they don’t (or at least they didn’t ten years ago). They just take the guy’s word for it, which makes it even more pointless.

      • Léna says:

        Interesting! So I guess a woman could “just” bring a male friend who agrees to help her. Strange and pointless indeed

  22. line says:

    I absolutely do not understand people who are pro-life, for me the choice to keep a child or not is something of the order of intimacy, for me it is as intimate as the people who decide to have children or to decided the names of theirs childrens.

    No one has to force women to have children, especially that these same people, will not be the people who will have to take care financially to the children and to provide to theirs the affection and a love.My mother became pregnant at the age of 19, she was in first year of rights, her boyfriend (my father) had let him down when he learned that she had become pregnant.

    The main reason she did not choose abortion was that my grandparents was rich, consequently they could get care of me while she finishes her studies.But not all young girls are likely to have rich parents who will be ready to raise the child. And if she had made the decision to abort, I would have taken it pretty well because I would have done the same thing.

    • North of Boston says:

      “I absolutely do not understand people who are pro-life…”

      That’s because many of them are hypocrites and therefore not making logical sense. They aren’t actually “pro-life” or even “anti-abortion”. They are, in fact, “pro-government control of women’s bodies” and “anti-choice”.

  23. Lightpurple says:

    I have never been pregnant so never had an abortion. However, I did have breast cancer. As part of my treatment, I was put on medications that caused increased fertility, double barrier was the recommended contraceptive method. I was told that if I did become pregnant, they would have to stop treatment immediately, meaning I would die or I would have to terminate the pregnancy, a pregnancy that would never be viable anyway, even if I lived into the third trimester because of the chemo drugs that the fetus would have been exposed to at the time of conception. No, there would be no “miracle baby,” just dead me. It was abundantly clear to me what my choice would be if that happened. It infuriates me that people think they should have the right to force women like myself to die for some “miracle baby” that won’t ever be. Some will argue that they “make exceptions for the life of the mother” but they really don’t and it also infuriates me that they would expect a woman and her medical team, at such a difficult time, to document for them a horrible medical condition so they could have approval on whether a woman lives or dies. It is none of their damn business.

    As for abortion without a serious medical crisis, that is not something I would have chosen but I don’t impose my views on what others should do with their bodies and lives. If this is something that angers God, well, that’s between that woman and her God, not me.

  24. Mel M says:

    I’ve had one. I had a boyfriend who basically made me feel like nothing and did whatever he told me. My mom helped me and we never told my dad. Now she’s a trump supporter so I guess when it was convenient for her it was fine. Not going to go into detail because it’s still a trauma for me but that’s for me and I wouldn’t impose my feeling on anyone else’s decision. All of this makes me sick, the hypocrisy of it all. All of these people are pro birth and that’s where it stops. How can you be proud of yourself for protecting a life that comes from rape? Incest? Human trafficking? The women that infuriate me the most are the ones with the signs that say “I regret my abortion.” Ok that’s fine go ahead and regret it but not everyone does and it was your choice and you’re lucky you had the choice. You don’t get to then take you’re regret and use it to decide what’s best for other women. I live in a very conservative town and there are all kinds of anti abortion billboards and one that says 90% of women regret their abortion. I mean obviously that’s not true but how can they even put this random made up false information up like that?? This is all so depressing.

    • duchess of hazard says:

      A lot of pro life people have abortions and use the same clinics they remonstrate against when it suits them. It’s a terrible business, all of this.

      A woman’s abortion is none of our business, you know? Like, all I need to know that it was done safely, and that the lass has access. Jedi hugs to you, Mel M, if you’ll have them.

  25. Chaine says:

    I wish there were also some celebrity men saying they supported their partner in her choice.

    • Leslie says:

      I get what you’re saying, but I think it would be a violation of a woman’s privacy for a man to talk about his partner’s abortion. It’s not his body or medical history, you know.

    • Leah says:

      Right? I was recently a part of a documentary on women’s right to live a child free life and I told the story about my abortion 10 years ago at 21 years of age. I did not have health issues, I would have been able to raise that child if forced, but I prioritized my own life and now have a lot more options and opportunities. My husband was also asked to be a part of the filming as a supporter since the pregnancy was his and he stood by me through the decision. He’s a white man of a lot of privilege and his fear took over given his complacency and shame around his conservative family and he didn’t have the courage to take part-he didn’t feel like he had to. Mind you, it should have been more difficult for me, a Latin woman of catholic background (I had to share this with my mother before deciding to participate) to discuss the matter. All men need to step the f*** up.

  26. Jerusha says:

    Here’s how to solve the abortion conflict: all anti-choicers would have to sign up for a draft, like the Selective Service. Then when a woman/child wanted/needed an abortion that zygote would be transplanted into the womb of the next in line anti-choice woman. The next in line anti-choice man would have to provide financial support until adulthood. If that were a thing, abortions would be free with clinics on every block. Put your money where your mouths are, you mfing hypocrites.

  27. Michael says:

    I do not understand how white men can consistently support the stripping of rights and freedoms from non white men and there is not more outrage. Black men and Latinos get painted as criminals constantly in this country but it is always White men going on mass killing sprees and turning the country towards anarchy but they always seem to escape scrutiny as a group. Why is that?

    • Chimney says:

      Because of racism. Under the system of white supremacy, white people have the benefit of being seen as individuals so when one goes on a shooting spree it’s “oh he was a disturbed lone wolf.” POC are painted with broad brushes and thought of as representative of their group

    • Franny says:

      White men (Trump supporters) get to be individuals who are only accountable for their own actions, but not the actions of other white men. And since people of color are their scapegoats, all black people and Muslims get lumped in together as a group.

      This means Trump supporters can sit on the couch in front of the tv and complain about “Chicago, Detroit, etc” and never have to do one single thing to end white violence.

      They would rather cite statistics about disproportionate violence in black communities. So even though their job should be easier if the rate of violence is lower, they find it easier to use a scapegoat and stay in front of Fox News.

      So basically they are lazy and full of it just like their president.

      • Aren says:

        Exactly. I was watching the other day somebody complain that the Simpson’s character Cletus was racist but nobody mentioned him, only Apu.
        But it seemed to me that Cletus was actually a stereotype of only one type of white people, as 90% of Simpson’s characters are also white, unlike Apu, which was the stereotype of a whole race.

  28. Angela82 says:

    My mom admitted to me that she had an abortion when she was 17. My dad had gone back to Canada for a little while bc he didn’t have a greencard (before she even found out that her pill had failed for whatever reason). She says she never regretted it and it hasn’t weighted on her mind except that it was the best choice for her at the time. Eventually my dad came back and they got back married and had 2 kids. I know if I got pregnant right now I am not equipped to ever be a mom even though my finances and relationship are stable. I just can’t raise children on an emotional level. I knew this from the time I was 5. The idea of adoption is not plausible as I cannot even imagine going through 9 months of pregnancy and having to explain to everyone in my life why I wasn’t keeping it given I’m 36 and stable and loved. Especially work. I would be traumatized. In summary children just aren’t for me and no one should be made to feel guilty for their decisions.

    I also have a friend who had to get two later term abortion bc of severe birth defects and health issues. They were much wanted and planned babies and she was devastated but knew she had to terminate for her own health and the fetuses. Everyone has a story and its not one’s business except the woman and her doctor.

  29. S says:

    I am lucky enough to be someone who probably will never have need of this procedure due to my age and current life situation, but also know if I did, I have the means to facilitate travel or whatever else it took to get the care I needed. All that being said…This is awful. It’s awful for ALL women, and men, and, yes, even children. Not bringing children into the world who are unwanted, who would jeopardize the health of the women carrying them, or who themselves may be saddled with lifelong health issues that make their quality of life abysmal, is good for EVERYONE.

    Letting a young women not carry a child to term that will keep her from graduating high school, makes her a more productive person in our society, more likely to be successful and, yes, more likely to be a good mother down the road. Not making a women already caring for more children than she can handle bear her abuser’s child so she can escape is a good thing. And on and on. A mass of cells should never, ever be more important, or more respected, than the living, breathing actual human being standing in front of you.

    Important to note, since men in power only seem to care about themselves, it’s not just true for women either … Countless young men have gone on to full, productive and extremely successful lives BECAUSE their teenage girlfriend didn’t saddle them with a child and responsibilities before either were able to handle it. In fact, I’d wager that’s even the case for more than a few of these lawmakers voting for these disgusting laws.

    And then there’s the undeniable fact that outlawing abortions doesn’t actually stop abortions from happening, it just makes them more dangerous. In fact, societies with safe, legal abortion on demand usually have LOWER rates of pregnancy termination than those where it’s illegal. If you want to prevent abortions you increase sex education and provide low or no-cost reliable birth control; doing just the latter can decrease abortion rates 62-78%. But guess what else this admin is against?

    It was never, ever about, “killing babies.” It was always, and remains, about control. About punishing those who are already at the bottom of the social and economic ladders, because these lawmakers know that if their daughter/mistress/girlfriend/whatnot is in need of such a “procedure” they have the means and connections to make that happen. The punishment and cruelty is for other people.

  30. Miasys says:

    I live in Missouri and called my representative to tell her that i wanted her to vote no on HB 126. I made this call with my 15 y.o. daughter in the room so that she could hear me do it. . I actually received a call back from Representative Unsinger’s office letting me know that she voted no and will continue to do so. Light up those phones!

  31. lucy2 says:

    Thankfully never needed one, but always knew it was an option if needed. My aunt had one when she was young and in college. A friend in high school did too. She was maybe 14 or 15 at the most. Another had a baby right after graduation. They were the choices that they made, and theirs to make.
    It’s infuriating that at the same time as doing this (infuriating enough on its own) they are also constantly trying to cut education, healthcare, WIC, subsidized housing, and are damaging the environment and the economy. Forced births, yet no help afterwards.

    The comment about women having to air their trauma to be seen as a person is devastating, and true.

  32. april says:

    wow, that last tweet (by ashley..) so true

  33. HeyThere! says:

    When are people going to quit forcing their religious beliefs on other people who do not have the same beliefs?!?!?! UGH. Anyone who’s had an abortion never made the decision lightly. It is not a fun decision to make no one is excited about it. It’s all too personal for a stranger to be making the decision you! The fact that they think a women should go through with a pregnancy when it’s RAPE…..it’s the most evil, vile thing I can even imagine. Hell no. I would move mountains to get my daughter an abortion if that’s what she needed. I read a child, A CHILD, as young as 12 years old will be forced to give birth if it’s incest or rape in Alabama. WHAT EARTH DO I LIVE ON?!?!? I want another planet please!

  34. Gutterflower says:

    I saw a fb post today that said “When the penalty for aborting after rape is more severe than the penalty for rape, that’s when you know the war is on women.”
    I know it’s only one factor in the numerous reasons for a woman could have for getting an abortion, but it’s so true and made me so mad. It’s a personal choice and NO ONE else should have a say. I used to be pro life when I was younger, until I grew up and realized pro choice does NOT mean pro abortion. Just because someone may not have one/need one does not mean they get to decide for everyone else. Especially a frickin man.

    • Franny says:

      Even when rape is proven, judges let these criminals off with a light sentence. They don’t consider sexual or assault to be as bad as say, getting mugged.

      If a PhD male professor with a family and a job had accused Brett Kavanaugh of knocking him down and trying to steal his wallet in college, he would have received the benefit of the doubt because who would lie about that? But there is a different standard for women and for the crime of sexual assault.

  35. Stacy Dresden says:

    I was 19, no regrets. Allowed me to complete my college education and start the life I deserve with my husband and beautiful children. Thank you Planned Parenthood.

  36. Stephieblob says:

    I had one at 28. I had a massive alcohol problem and couldn’t even be sure the baby would have been born healthy even if I wanted to put it up for adoption. I have no regrets.

  37. Aren says:

    Oh and forgot to mention, loved the photos of the pup, Freddy is everything!
    Glad you added them.

  38. DP says:

    Where are these lawmakers when children are being ripped away from their parents seeking asylum on the border? Where are these lawmakers when mothers and children don’t have access to healthcare? Where are these lawmakers when children are growing up in terrible poverty or neglect?
    Where are these lawmakers when children are SHOT in their own classrooms?
    The hypocrisy is sickening! They say they want to protect the unborn, but don’t want to help or support them once they are born.
    Let’s work on passing laws to stop rape and incest. Let’s help young women have better access to birth control. Lets hold men more accountable for their role and stop judging woman. Let’s give single mothers better support and options. More Education, support and compassion is needed all around.

  39. Nikki says:

    Celebitchy, tears filled my eyes as I read your post. I too worked very hard for decades to bury a trauma; I was raped at age 14 by a family member I completely loved and trusted. I think it’s a miracle I EVENTUALLY pulled out of a long, silent withdrawal from life, and now have a fulfilling and happy life I never would have dreamed possible. But the scars were horrific on my psyche, and if I had gotten pregnant, I’m sure I’d have ended up in a mental hospital. Just had to send love and admiration to you after your statement, and loving support and admiration to all the brave women who are sharing their stories.

    • DP says:

      Sending love to you too, Nikki. So sorry that you experienced that trauma. So glad you survived and are now thriving.

  40. Catherine Page says:

    It wasn’t “the hardest decision I’ve ever made.” I saw the positive test and knew immediately what I wanted. I didn’t and still don’t feel bad about either abortion. Other women had different experiences. Those are legitimate, too.

    It feels like we’re expected to self flagellate over the experience. I don’t care if a woman was being careless with birth control. I don’t care if she’s already had 10 abortions. I don’t care if she “doesn’t learn from it” and needs 5 more. Frankly, I don’t care if it’s late term. To have a late term abortion is a physical trauma, so someone getting one has reasons (that are none of my business).

    It’s healthcare and an individual choice or it’s not. I refuse to pander by softening my viewpoint at the expense of other women who are entitled to bodily autonomy.

    • Berlin says:

      Catherine Page: #What you said. I also do not feel that my choice to have two abortions 5 years apart was a hard decision. I too knew immediately that it was what I wanted and what I needed to do in my life at that time. Thanks for your on point post.

    • Betsy says:

      Very well stated.

  41. ME says:

    I had a very close friend who had an abortion in her early 20s and about a decade later became incredibly anti-choice and was cheering on Trump in 2016 (why I ended our friendship). This happens sometimes but it is so frustrating when women do things like this – she had choice but now wants to take it away from everyone else.

  42. JB says:

    I was 19 and in no way ready to have children. Nor was the embryo’s father. The choice was clear.
    At 37, ending a much wanted pregnancy due to chromosomal abnormalities was devastating but I was very appreciative we had the choice, and my doctor was able to do a safe abortion at nearly 20 weeks.
    Lucky to have two healthy children.
    #youknowme

  43. janice says:

    I just don’t understand what is wrong with the United States. It is so incredibly backward to reverse something like this. I think the rest of the world feels like you are going back to the dark ages.

    • MoreSalt says:

      This is why the GOP isn’t concerned with prosecuting/removing Trump – while he’s demonstrably horrible, they are stacking the courts with conservative judges to prepare for these legal battles over reproductive rights. His endless scandals provide cover for them to ram through whatever they can. This is their endgame. It’s horrifying to watch from the inside, believe me. I’ve never felt so sad, frustrated and powerless with the state of my country.

  44. Raymon says:

    just do that for one time here

  45. teehee says:

    If women insisted on all men getting vascectomies as birth control the outcry would be heard from Saturn.
    We cant make decisins to impose on their bodies, adn they shouldnt make decision to impose on ours!

    I dont think any woman who has an abortion is being cruel; quite the opposite if this was about lives and sanctity then it applies to ALL esp the living but we have tacit proof, no pro life politicians give a damn about life.

    It all comes down to punishing women, for being women. For having a vagina, for being sexual, even if passively- cos if we are raped, well thats cos we are too pretty or dressed wrong etc. So the punishment = have that baby– since they havent succeeded at reversing the sexual liberation by any other means. This is the biggest weapon they can use against us.

    And most importantly: THEY CAUSE IT. A woman cannot get pregnant without a man. (normally speaking).
    So what are THEY gonna do about improving this situation?? Thats right: SH1T for NOTHING!!
    If you dont want so many abortions, use condoms, use “gels” for men, use vascectomies, and stop treating women like your playgrounds!! And stop raping women, and stop incesting them, and stop abandoning them when they have a baby! The men are usually ALSO a big reason why a woman will choose an abortion!

    • DM2 says:

      At least vasectomies can be reversed. There is no law on the books that police mens’ sexual reproductivity. Can you imagine the hue and cry if there was a law that in effect stated that: all men, and boys once they’ve reached puberty, must undergo a vasectomy, which can be reversed at such a time as they decide they want children with a consenting adult woman. What do you think they’d say? Maybe something along the lines of: ‘Hell to the no!’ And: ‘You have no right to legislate our bodies, our reproductive organs and choice!’ Just imagine the outrage if *they* were treated as second-class citizens and had their bodily autonomy decided by women on the Bench.

      • Gia says:

        I think that this is actually a rather good idea :-)
        A vasectomy is such a quick inexpensive procedure with little risk and it can be reversed.
        And it would save such a lot of money women have to waste on contraception if the men were obliged to get one in puberty before becoming sexually active.
        And when they are ready to commit it will be reversed. After-honeymoon medical procedure.
        ;-)

        Try from 17:30
        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5DJO_44xWqM
        https://youtu.be/5DJO_44xWqM?t=1056

  46. Patrizio says:

    All these abortion laws are an attack on the working poor. Don’t think for a minute that when those “good Christians” who become inconveniently pregnant, and have the resources won’t have an MD who will do a D&C, and call the reason for it something else. Also, super easy to go overseas and have it done- just gotta have the bucks. Had a abortion when I was 20, some 30+ years ago, never wanted children, and don’t have them now. People ask me “Well, who’s going to take care of you when you’re old?” I sometimes want to ask them the same thing but it would be cruel.

    • Gia says:

      thank you for sharing.

      And i would like to add that this is just so true: a distant family member got pregnant in the 1960ies at the age of +/-20 and the mother of the pregnant lady and pregnant lady decided that she shouldn’t have the baby because she wasn’t married. Pregnant lady was financially dependant on the family at the time.
      As a result there was a “vacation” planned for three weeks into a country where abortions were legal. Official reason for this health trip was an ailment which the pregnant lady really has had for years (and still has). And so officially she went for a “treatment” at a “health resort” and that had been communicated to all the neighbours to explain her absence.
      All was organised rather quick quick so that she wouldn’t show any signs of a baby belly.

      I don’t think the lady regrets this development of events but she was rather grateful.
      Don’t blame her family as they were rather decent people who understood that this had to happen this way in those years because otherwise the lady wouldn’t have had any kind of future and no chance at a husband.

  47. Franny says:

    The states with exceptions for rape or incest might as well be Alabama. It’s nearly impossible to get a rape conviction, even for a child.

    RAINN reports that only 5 rapes in 1,000 will lead to a felony conviction. Only 9 cases out of 1,000 are even referred to prosecutors. Not surprising that only 230 out of 1000 are even reported – we’ve all seen how victims are treated.

    So, these exceptions are total bs anyway, and the heaviest burden will fall to girls and women who are in the most horrific circumstances.

  48. Marianne says:

    I’ve always been pro-choice because a)its frankly not my business b)there could be a lot of reasons why someone doesnt want to go through with a pregnancy. Was raped, poor sex education, abusive home life, would have to go off meds etc. Of course the reason doesnt always have to be dramatic/tragic but we just dont simply know what this person’s backstory is. C)if you’re pro-life….shouldnt you be pro for the life of the mother too? It always seems crazy that a 6 week fetus that doesnt have any brain function supercedes the living and breathing human that is carrying the child. c)Banning doesnt stop abortion. It just wont be done in a safe controlled environment. And those who have complications or hurt themselves will be unwilling to seek help.

    Also, I was reading this great post this morning that talks about organ donation. We have the right to refuse to donate organs even though it could save a life. Even if we’re dead they still cannot take organs unless we are a designated organ donor or the family gives permission. We give basic autonomy rights to the dead but not our living women.

  49. ChiaMom says:

    So sick of having to lay bare our deepest secrets just to not be heard

  50. Gia says:

    There are also stories about women trying to get abortions before it became legal. The fear and anxiety and the danger when a woman tries to find some doctor who does illegally perform that procedure and who is “shady” by definition of the law because abortions had been illegal then.

    These stories are absolutely awful. The woman does not only have to find a doctor but she also has to get there and she has to pay him. Often the women had little money and had to drive a long route / be driven because they didn’t have a car or a driving license (driving license minimum age: 18 and it is expensive, Euro 2.500-3.000). So they had to try to get a friend to drive them. They had to scrap together some money and some more because doctors charge extra when it is illegal. They had to get back in time because they might have to go back to work/school. They had to hope that everything went okay because if they needed some medical after-abortion care and if they went to their local doctor he might report them. So some didn’t go for necessary after-care until it got so bad that they just fainted and often they had serious long-term effects from delaying necessary procedures (think infertility and such).
    They often couldn’t tell their families who would either shame them or report them or kick them out of the house and no support there. There were families who supported their daughters but everything had to be done in secret because there was the danger that the daughter and her family might lose their reputation. So sometimes families let it be “known” that mummy and daughter visited “relatives” in a far away town (or country) for a week but in reality they went somewhere where abortions were legal. Sometimes mummy and daughter didn’t even tell daddy what was going on.
    And of course when a daughter visited family members in a different for real then there would be talk and suspicions. Some nutty members of your community would find some friends or relatives in that town and ask if the daughter really was there for a family visit. Sniffing around and gossiping and destroying girls’ reputations. It was all so disgusting. sometimes the girls wouldn’t even come back to that town but try to start a new life elsewhere.

    It was all quite disgusting. Abortion is a medical procedure and legalising it saves lifes and reputations and relationships and most of them all: women. Legal abortions save women of all [sadly, sic!] ages.

  51. Dre says:

    As someone who was forced to stay pregnant by my family I think everyone should have a choice .

  52. Naddie says:

    It’s anti-women. Society has this twisted image of the woman who aborts, just like the mistress: a selfish, hedonist monster, moved by impulse. How easy for them is to dehumanize us, specially when sex is involved.
    And reading this post I kinda have the illusion that the world is full of enlightened people, but when I turn off my pc, reality bites.