Jennifer Garner on what ‘breaks the girlfriend code’ and ‘is not part of the deal’

I’m sorry for making the title clickbaity but I couldn’t figure out how to explain this in our two line format. The first thing that comes to mind when I think “girlfriend code” is “sleeping with your ex or current boyfriend.” In one of the segments released from her People’s Most Beautiful interview Jennifer Garner makes it a lot milder though. She says that making you feel guilty for not keeping in touch, or for hanging out with someone else, breaks the code. I feel like the code is reserved for more serious violations involving the most important people in your inner circle. The women who do the guilting thing are the ones whom you never let in, you know? Nobody has time for that and those people are easy to spot, but I get what she means.

[Jennifer Garner] knows what’s important when it comes to the girlfriends in her life.

“Sense of humor,” she tells PEOPLE in this week’s cover story. “And a lack of guilt. I do not believe friendship should or can come with guilt. Like a friend who says, ‘You haven’t called me,’ or ‘I saw you out with someone else.’ That is not part of the deal. That breaks the girlfriend code.”

[Garner] especially appreciates her friendships with other mothers.

“Oh my gosh, I was the world’s most anxious first time mom that ever lived, and I really did it in a vacuum,” she explains. “I didn’t have girlfriends around who were having babies at the same time. I wasn’t part of a moms’ group with my first. I was so isolated that I really missed out on everything.”

Garner has a wealth of support from her tribe. “From girlfriends modeling for me or seeing something and thinking, ‘Oh, I’m going to cherry pick that from you’ and ‘I love the way you handled that’ and ‘I want that sentence in my brain’ and ‘I need to write that down,’” she says. “Because that’s what it is when you are parenting in a community. I mean the moms at my kids’ school are the moms that I look up to and try to emulate.”

“There is nothing more important, other than your kids — no man, no relationship, no anything — than your girlfriends,” Garner says. “You find your tribe, you take care of them, you treat them with the love and respect they deserve, insist on the same back for yourself.”

“If something goes wrong, if you can let it go, let it go. If they’re not serving you, let that friendship go,” she adds. “See if you grow together, [or] if you grow apart, but your girlfriends are the key to life.”

[From People]

Again that’s just an annoyance from an acquaintance, not a code violation. I would put that on the level of being flaky as hell. Like you consider someone as a friend candidate but they’re not reliable so you don’t bother. That said, I bet she has someone specific in mind and I wonder what happened there. Will that person know and be like “that’s cold?”

Garner was also on Ellen this week. She said she “didn’t even know” that People was going to choose her Most Beautiful, that she was “really honored and flattered” and that it was “so nice of People to think outside the box.” Remember when she called out People for running a cover of her without her permission? She also said, of the quote on the title that she’s grateful every day, that gratitude is an important quality to have, especially to model to your children. I thought that was nice actually, I did! I need to remember that more.



photos credit: Backgrid and via Instagram

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15 Responses to “Jennifer Garner on what ‘breaks the girlfriend code’ and ‘is not part of the deal’”

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  1. Miss M says:

    Is she friends with GOOP?! Because GOOP dated Bem Affleck, you know…

  2. Cara says:

    Wow, her clothes are so bad. What is with that white skirt??

    • AnnaKist says:

      I usually couldn’t care less about peoples’ clothes, but you’re right, Cara – that is a bad, bad skirt. It does nothing for her except make her look naff.

    • Ali says:

      I had the same omg what is that skirt thought. There’s not hip and cool and then there’s just completely unflattering. That skirt is unflattering to say the least.

  3. Lena says:

    There are pictures around of goop and garner together at events. I think they are acquaintances not close friends. Goop also said on Howard stern she invited her to a dinner party of hers once and that she really likes her a lot. It came up when she told Howard she knew not to marry affleck because “he wasn’t in a good place to have a girlfriend”. Good call

  4. Esmerelda says:

    Isn’t it a bit old fashioned, this “girlfriends and mothers tribe” thing? Why can’t it be “supportive friends and fellow parents”? This strict separation along gender lines, for something as spontaneous and ineffable as friendship and connecting to other people?
    And the “girl code” about not sleeping with the ex is another instance of blaming the woman while absolving the man… can’t the ex have some tact and not hit on his ex ‘s friends?
    Bah, so much retrograde thinking sold as cuteness…

    • Monicack says:

      You can’t see both as negative. The more women celebrate and support one another with intention and compassion the less likely we are to be pitted against one another. I especially love the idea of a mother/sister tribal dynamic. No woc would ever be surprised by this as our culture is matriarchal.

    • Muffy says:

      I’m not going to be able to commiserate with a guy about nursing or a shredded post-birth vagina (or c-section scars). It’s great when men try to be supportive but there’s just so much about raising kids (even older kids) that’s outside of their experience.

  5. Birdix says:

    Her friendship descriptions sound a bit self-serving. Maybe it’s out of context.
    Is she always, always cheerful?

  6. elimaeby says:

    She really cannot dress herself, but she is such a beautiful woman. I feel like she’d be tiresome to hang out with unless you were a churchy, granola-mommy type, but she seems very sweet and like a great mom. I can’t help but like her somehow.

  7. Carolnr says:

    “There is nothing more important, other than your kids- no man, no relationship, no anything – than your girlfriends”.
    I think she is speaking from experience, from times where she has put probably all of these before her girlfriends. I think she sees that her children are growing up now & her parenting role is shifting, where she can now go out more with friends. And I would bet that her friends have been there for her helping her go through her divorce & adjust to a new, single lifestyle….

  8. Jess says:

    I completely agree about having girl friends as your tribe, it almost makes me cry when I think about how much we’ve all been through over the years. First love, drinking, experimenting with (mild) drugs, first heartbreak, marriage, divorce, affairs, abortions, miscarriages, abusive relationships, deaths of parents, having babies, etc. I cannot imagine where I’d be without them and even though we don’t see each other as often as we used to it doesn’t matter, we all understand it’s life with kids right now and we never guilt. We’re true soulmates and hope to outlive our husbands and live like the golden girls in Florida someday 😂

  9. stephanie says:

    she looks very botoxy in the forehead