Nina Dobrev made a list of things she disliked about an ex so she wouldn’t call him

The title is slightly misleading but the entire story wouldn’t fit so I’ll clarify. Nina Dobrev made a pro and con list about a guy after they broke up. Then she got rid of the “pro” section and a friend made her tape it by her bed so she wouldn’t text him in a moment of weakness. This is so smart! Nina told this story on Busy Tonight, which I have to say is killing it. The more I watch that show, the more I appreciate what Busy is doing and how she’s bringing a laid back, confessional vibe to talk shows. Nina, 30, is single now, and she’s dated some high profile guys in the past.

Do you vision board?
I have goals but I don’t get magazines out and make vision boards. I had an ex. One of my girlfriends suggested we write the pros and the cons down [of being with him] on two different boards. We threw out the pros because we had broken up. I only wanted to remind myself of the things that I didn’t like. She put it on my bedroom wall. In the mornings and at night is when you’re the most vulnerable and you feel like ‘oh maybe they weren’t that bad.’ You’re like ‘nope, he was bad.’ She taped a sharpie next to it so I could keep adding to the list.

It’s just negatives about your ex so you don’t booty call him

OK I have done this. I wrote a pro and con list of staying with an ex so I wouldn’t be tempted to get back with him. (I used this cost benefit analysis worksheet. Yes I am a nerd.) The con side was twice as long. It made it easy to see why I dumped him and it made it easier to cut contact. I also made a list of qualities I was looking for in a partner. It wasn’t “rich, handsome” as much as “listens to me,” “is liberal,” etc. Then when I met the right guy I could see that I wouldn’t be making the same mistakes. I know it sounds calculating, but it’s a huge decision to bring someone into your life and to keep them in.

This reminds me of a podcast interview I heard with Debra Newell, the real life woman from Dirty John. Kate Casey of Reality Life interviewed Debra and an expert on criminal behavior and coercive control, Laura Richards. Richards said that people often don’t consider the ramifications of starting a relationship and just get swept up in it. It’s not only about noticing the red flags, it’s about making the right choices instead of letting your emotions take over.

Here’s the interview:

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Embed from Getty Images

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9 Responses to “Nina Dobrev made a list of things she disliked about an ex so she wouldn’t call him”

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  1. elimaeby says:

    I have loved Busy since Freaks and Geeks and started to adore her with Cougar town. With this show and how relaxed and fun it is, I want Busy to be my best friend.

    • Originaluna says:

      SO happy to find another person saying something nice about cougar town. I adored that show. It’s my guilty pleasure.
      I love Busy. Too bad the show is blocked in my country – E! does this pointless thing. It’s annoying.

    • enike says:

      I loved Cougar town as well

  2. moo says:

    Wow, I deeply wish I had thought of this.
    If I had, I would not have fallen back into the arms of a cruel, emotionless man 4 years after we broke up, gotten engaged, and allowed myself to spend the next 6 years supporting his unrealistic dreams. He taught me how to be alone even with someone sitting next to me. He told me that I don’t deserve compassion or empathy because I used up my allotment years ago. There went my youth. No more, buddy. I get out in 82 days.

  3. helonearth says:

    I saw this advice in a magazine when I was a teenager in the 80s. The advice also included making copies and sticking them on your mirror, by the phone etc so you are constantly reminded what you aren’t missing.

    Have done it every time I broke up with someone and its an excellent way of stating why they weren’t right for you. Highly recommended!

  4. Nacho_friend says:

    I love the Busy Tonight show! It’s fun, relaxed and girly, a chance for an evening talk show. I also like Page Six for my gossip, cause that’s why we are all on here, right? 😝

    • me says:

      Yeah it’s a really good show. Busy is so relaxed and comes off as just being herself and not trying too hard.

  5. Anast says:

    I in no way mean this to come off as catty, but I really love the way she has aged. She’s 30 and actually looks 30! I couldn’t figure out why she looked different and it’s because she’s aged. Love her.

  6. Violet K says:

    As an aside does anyone have an ID on her dress? I low key need it