Michael Cohen sentenced to three years in federal prison for multiple crimes

Michael Cohen Court Hearing in New York City

The big news on Wednesday was that Donald Trump’s former lawyer/fixer Michael Cohen was sentenced in federal court. Cohen has significant arrangements with federal prosecutors, given that he lived a life of white-collar crime for decades, but he is now cooperating with various federal probes, including the Mueller investigation. So he made a deal, and the judge took the federal prosecutors’ wishes into account for sentencing. Cohen will be going to (white collar) federal prison for three years. Which still seems too lenient to me, but we don’t know the extent to which he rolled on Trump & Associates. The three years will cover counts of tax evasion, bank fraud, lying to Congress, and violations of campaign finance law for the Stormy Daniels situation. As part of the deal, Cohen stood up in court and admitted he “acted in coordination with and at the direction of Individual-1.” Individual 1 = Baby Fists.

After sentencing, Cohen’s lawyer Lanny Davis told Bloomberg Radio that once the Mueller probe is wrapped up, Cohen will tell all to any congressional committee. Something else that happened just after Cohen’s sentencing? Another deal was made public – federal prosecutors released documents indicating that they have an immunity deal with American Media Inc, aka the National Enquirer, aka Trump’s favorite tabloid. AMI admitted that they coordinated hush-money payments to Trump’s mistresses. Publisher David Pecker was good friends with Trump, and Pecker worked as Trump’s tabloid-level fixer, often in coordination with Cohen. The fact that Pecker and AMI now have an immunity deal with federal prosecutors is a HUGE deal. Pecker, like Cohen, knows where the bodies are buried. Pecker was colluding with Trump for years and years.

Meanwhile, the leading contender for White House chief of staff has just dropped out of the running. Mark Meadows was supposed to be the great white savior of the All-White House but it turns out that NO ONE wants this job.

G-20 summit in Buenos Aires

Photos courtesy of WENN, Backgrid.

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71 Responses to “Michael Cohen sentenced to three years in federal prison for multiple crimes”

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  1. Gutterflower says:

    Ohh I’m not even American but for xmas I hope it rains indictments. Set fire to everything Cheeto and burn that mofo down.

  2. SamC says:

    I was listening to my local NPR yesterday and they were talking about the chief of staff position. Commenters notes usually any senior White House gig usually means the pick of opportunities once they leave, 7 figure incomes, etc., but this go round they are all having problems finding jobs and how they didn’t feel remotely sorry for any of them. Also noted any WH gig these days likely means mega attorney bills.

  3. Rapunzel says:

    The fact nobody wants the CoS job proves just how over it is for Old McDonald. Even Rick f*cking Santorum doesn’t want it. And Jabba the Trump thought it was worth bragging that “many, over ten” people were vying for the position. That should be a way higher number! And these 10 candidates are dropping like ten little Indians. The WH is fast becoming And Then There Were None.

    Trump has to be really concerned that a replacement isn’t kissing his butt. The signal is slowly being sent: Abandon the sinking Trumptanic.

    • Jay says:

      Can we please scrub racist phrases like “dropping like ten little Indians” from our lexicon

      • Rapunzel says:

        I was referring to a book title.

      • CairinaCat says:

        She was referring to a book/movie where people are killed one by one in a murder mystery setting.

      • karen says:

        Jay: yes, thank you. the fact that its a book title does not make it at all ok.

      • Meganbot2000 says:

        Yes but it’s still a racist phrase. Hence why the title of the book was changed to “And Then There Were None”. You can’t buy the book with either of the original titles, unless it’s an old copy.

      • jwoolman says:

        I think it must be pretty well scrubbed by now, which is good. This is the first time I’ve heard that original phrase in many decades, but I have a very vague memory of it from my extreme youth.

        “And then there were none” is still used, without any reference to any ethnicity. So I suspect that later generations have lost that reference and it’s more like a variation of the Highlander “There can be only one.” as the immortals cut off each other’s heads with wild abandon.

    • Swack says:

      Piers Morgan wants the job. Couple days ago, in DM, he told Trump to hire him again as he had already hired him before (for Apprentice IIRC). Is Morgan even a US citizen? I really don’t know.

      • jwoolman says:

        Does it have to be a US citizen, as long as security clearance can be obtained? I think the U.K. would be delighted to be rid of Piers for a while.

    • Tania says:

      Uh…regardless of referring to a book title it is basically still talking about the genocide of my people and it’s not to be used in a joking manner considering it actually did happen.

  4. RBC says:

    I can only imagine what other scandals David Pecker and AMI have locked away in a vault that involve 45. Hopefully someone is also looking at what Harvey Levin and TMZ have as well.

    • Darla says:

      I know. I am not sure it’s all about Trump either because I read “politicians” plural in the indictment. For sure there’s TONS about Trump too though. Man, things are going get hot. Hotter than a cat on a hot tin roof!

      • RBC says:

        I wonder if Mitch McConnell, Lindsey Graham and a few other high profile Republicians are nervous right now?

      • cheche says:

        I suspect McTurtle and his cronies are uncomfortable. They’re dinosaurs and the rules of the game AND the ways to game the system are changing. They might not have any TMZ type scandals in their closets but, they’re also losing allies.

      • holly hobby says:

        Matt Gaetz for sure. It has to be more than DUIs

  5. Jenns says:

    So, if Trump wasn’t president, he would also be looking at jail time right now, correct?

    • TheOtherOne says:

      That is correct.

    • jwoolman says:

      This is why it’s going to be very hard to get Trump to resign as Nixon did. He sees the Presidency as a Get Out of Jail Free Card. Maybe at some point he will realize he needs to just skipperdee off to Dubai or someplace else with a golf course that won’t indict him and live in exile. He or Pence can’t pardon him for state crimes and he will have to admit guilt for a Presidential pardon and will also lose the ability to plead the 5th Amendment.

    • holly hobby says:

      They should go ahead and indict him because they “cannot indict a sitting president” was never enshrined in the Constitution. It was based on a DOJ policy memo. I say throw the book at him and see how the courts rule.

  6. Parigo says:

    I wish Pecker would be punished for all his years of complete shadiness but he must have offered some very interesting hard evidence since he had a whole vault of Trump receipts. I wonder if he kept all that stuff because he knew it’d be his get out of jail free card.

  7. Cee says:

    Unless this lands Trump in jail, will his base even care he paid off his mistresses or evaded tax? Doesn’t that make him a “winner” in their eyes?
    I wouldn’t get too excited.

    • Esmom says:

      No, they don’t care. I was listening to a Republican congressman on NPR defending Trump and I was ready to bash in the radio. He blamed everything on Cohen, painting Trump as an innocent victim of a shady, opportunistic lawyer. I can’t with these people.

      • Kitten says:

        Yup. This is the problem with conspiracy theories: they have no obligation to be factual because the people who believe in them have no devotion to the truth. And nothing that’s currently happening disproves the existence of deepstate-#QAnon-#pizzagate-caravan invasion because how do you prove that the Boogeyman doesn’t exist? It’s like proving God doesn’t exist. They don’t understand or care that the onus should be on THEM to prove that these things DO exist.

        These people are very deeply-disturbed and frankly, beyond help at this point.

      • KCo says:

        Yup. I was listening to NPR yesterday morning, and this conservative radio host said something like, “his base knew going into all of this that he didn’t drink or smoke, but his vice is women.” They don’t care that he made a PRIVATE payment of hush money. The idiot host also said that there’s still nothing linking Trump to the Russia investigation and that “it’s been a year now and Mueller has not made anything public linking Trump to Russia.” I hollered in my car. These idiots actually believe that because Muller hasn’t RELEASED anything about Trump and Russia directly given the year of the investigation, eventhough the NPR host reminded him that 14 of Trump’s transition team and team members have been indicted (someone correct me on this word if it’s not right) on Russia related charges, that the is no Russian connection. They can’t even fathom that Mueller is holding his cards close to his chest and has some shit up his sleeve that he’s about to bust out with this new House instead and rolling.

        The guest even scoffed at Papadopolousx 14 day prison time, as if the 14 days diminished his crime. I cant wait for charges to come about and for jail time for these crooks. I can’t Wait for these imbeciles mouths to dropped the floor when all this Russian collusion and obstruction of Justice is actually confirmed.

      • holly hobby says:

        Anything Mueller wants release will be filed in court.

    • Lindy79 says:

      Nope, didn’t he brag about not paying taxes in one of the debates when Hilary brought it up, he quipped “because I’m smart!” with a dumb grin on this face.
      They love this, and are too ignorant and thick to realise that was basically a big fuck you to them all. So long as he keeps the bad people of the wrong colour out, they really dont give a rats ass.

    • Swack says:

      He could murder someone in plain sight and they wouldn’t care.

    • grabbyhands says:

      No, they won’t care and out of all the hypocrisies that is the one that makes the craziest – that for all the flag waving, bible thumping, here for the average working man, America First BS they all spew, every last one of them would happily step on their fellow average American that is working a job and trying to get by to get a tenth of what 45 has. They would set fire to a Marine holding an apple pie in one hand and an Aryan baby holding a bible in the other to be able to get away with what 45 gets away with on a daily basis. They love him BECAUSE he is a lying sleaze and that’s what they want. The rest of it is window dressing to use as a defense.

    • Rapunzel says:

      His base is already “he’s a snowflake blaming others for his behavior and this has nothing to do with Trump.” Even if DT is jailed, his base will support him. They will say it’s rigged. They’ve already made the decision to die on Mount Crooked Hillary, from clogged arteries from butter emails. And all their last words will be “#deepstate, #maga, #thanksobama”

      • Tw says:

        It’s time we stop pretending the base has power. It’s not the base that elected Trump. Hillary nailed it – that basket of deplorables has always been there and there’s no reaching them with facts or reason.

      • Tiffany :) says:

        ” They’ve already made the decision to die on Mount Crooked Hillary, from clogged arteries from butter emails.”

        DYING, lol!!!!

    • Tiny Martian says:

      I don’t give a hoot what his base thinks. The man is going to jail, assuming he lives long enough to face trial.

      He will never have a moment’s peace again for the rest of his days, and that is good enough for me.

    • jwoolman says:

      We should forget about his “base”. They are hopeless. They don’t care about his involvement with Putin either. Some have been quoted as saying that if Putin helped Trump get elected, that’s a good thing.

      On the one hand, it’s nice that they no longer think nuking every man, woman, and child in Russia is appropriate. But this blind acceptance of a foreign power getting our President elected is baffling. Even if it were Canada rather than Russia, I personally would not be too happy about it. Although I admit to once briefly fantasizing that Canadian Mounties would arrive in DC on a rescue mission during the Reagan Administration.

    • Tiffany :) says:

      I don’t care if this impresses his base or not. This not the conclusion of Trump’s legal troubles. These are the small potatoes compared to the bigger picture.

      I’m sure the end result will be much more horrifying than these charges.

  8. adastraperaspera says:

    It was pretty rich how Cohen claimed he was a choirboy led astray by Trump… They’re all a pack of liars. Next up–Cohen will be squealing to the Feds about the money he fed through the RNC to GOP campaigns (as RNC Finance guy). Oh, and finally admitting to flying around the globe paying off hackers. I’m sure he knows by now that his buddy Felix Sater gave him up to Mueller. Better not drink the tea or touch any doorknobs, you yob. Enjoy prison!

    • Tiffany :) says:

      Yeah, Cohen was both an accident attorney and an owner of a medical clinic that treated people for car accidents. He’s also been involved with mobsters for a long time. His sketchiness is why he fit so well into Trump Org. That was his big selling point to Trump, that he didn’t care for rules and laws.

  9. Lizzie says:

    i’m glad he’s going to jail but it is so remarkable that if you’re a white collar criminal who conspires against the united states you get less time in prison than a 17 year old black kid with weed who gets tried as an adult with felony possession – which in some states is a strike against towards life in prison. it is sickening.

    • Esmom says:

      Yes, it’s outrageous and heartbreaking. The injustice is beyond appalling.

    • Darla says:

      I agree.

    • Diana says:

      Infuriating and heartbreaking at the same time.

    • Betsy says:

      And that’s even before you get to racial sentencing disparity with black people routinely getting additional more than a white person for the same crime.

      I do so hope that as we hopefully grind the corruption out of our institutions – if nothing else, Donald has exposed that the FBI NYCFO is corrupt af, that the GOP is a crime syndicate, that the NRA is a traitorous terrorist organization – we can address the fact that punishments do not fit the crimes!

      • Tiffany :) says:

        Yes, the disparities are horrifying. More likely to be pulled over, more likely to be searched, charged, charged with more severe crimes, longer sentences, all for the same crimes. POC are penalized at every step in our justice system. It desperately needs to be changed.

        The justice reform bill would actually help a lot. It pisses me off that the Grassley and Durbin bipartisan reform bill didn’t go anywhere under Obama (because the GOP prioritizes party over country), but I would be very happy if it gets passed under Trump. It wouldn’t resolve all issues, but it’s a good and necessary step.

    • Veronica S. says:

      Power and economy. They have information the government needs because they have the connections to make their testimony worthwhile. A young black teenager from an impoverished background has none of that social recourse. America’s justice system is a joke.

    • Kitten says:

      It’s horrible. White-collar criminals usually get cake sentences in good part because they resemble the people who make up the power structure of our judicial system. Wealthy whites will always protect other wealthy whites.

      • jwoolman says:

        I wonder if so many Trump people will go to prison that they may be released early due to overcrowding….

    • Trashaddict says:


    • Tiffany :) says:

      Also less time than a man who repeatedly sexually assaulted and trafficked teenage girls and had mountains of evidence against him (Epstein).

      Our “justice system” treats people so differently depending on race and economic status.

  10. Eric says:

    Fun facts: the likelihood that an attorney who commits crimes for a client doing more time than the client is almost non-existent. Ditto for equal time. But, the likelihood that an attorney does far less time than a client under the same scenario is very high.

    Emperor Zero is going to do more prison time than Michael Cohen. There is additional testimony from AMI to corroborate what Cohen testified to. It’s no coincidence that the Cohen sentencing and AMI drop occurred within an hour of each other.

    In the midst of all that shakes the White House, there is a rumor that EZ had to scrape under the barrel to find his next CoS: Newt Gingrich. Imagine having two of the biggest blowhards in the same room arguing over subpoenas and indictments and scheduling (while comparing notes on how their first three marriages have fared).

    Oh and btw, folks, more fun today as Maria Butina cops a deal. No wonder Emperor Zero has cancelled the annual Christmas party for the press; pesky questions re impeachment, indictments, flippers and orange depends stains.

    How you like them apples, Evangelicals?


    • Lightpurple says:

      I do hope it’s Gingrich. The gasket he’ll blow when Nagini ignores him constantly will be epic. And why isn’t Gingrich with his wife? The ambassador to the Vatican? Or isn’t she actually at the Vatican? Just another grifter collecting a federal salary while doing nothing.

      • Esmom says:

        Omg, having Gingrich in the spotlight again will not be good for my mental health. He’s a huge reason why Trump and the rest of the GOP are the way they are.

      • Jerusha says:

        @Esmom. Maybe being in the spotlight again will expose a probable mistress who will go on to become wifey number four.

  11. Mabs A'Mabbin says:

    I had to stop reading about it yesterday because I was livid with Republican congressional comments. Seriously. Read some of that shit and your blood will boil. I didn’t need that after experiencing some positive thinking throughout the news cycle circling the sentencing, but rest assured, faux leader continues to get his ass pampered.

  12. Rapunzel says:

    Old McDonald is now tweeting that Cohen “has great liability” to him because “He was a lawyer and he is supposed to know the law. It is called “advice of counsel,” and a lawyer has great liability if a mistake is made. That is why they get paid. ”

    As if this arrogant mofo takes advice from professionals.
    As if a lawyer would ever direct a client to break the law so brazenly and unnecessarily and for no real good reason.
    As if Cohen isn’t giving up even worse dirt.

    • holly hobby says:

      It is a known fact Rump doesn’t listen to his advisors so he can’t put it on his atty. If it hurt him so much, why doesn’t he sue for malpractice?

  13. Fluffy says:

    I don’t care if Emperor ZeroCheeto goes to jail or not. I just hope that once he’s out of office, he becomes such a toxic brand that no one wants to ever buy a Trump property, stay in a Dump hotel, and all his friends (sycophants) desert him in droves. Additionally I hope a hurricane, preferably named Hillary, wipes out Mar-a-Lago, and Ivanka gets a job selling shoes at Pic-N-Pay. It would also be nice to see Melanoma hawking her own jewelry line on QVC. Too much?

    • Chrissy says:

      No, just perfect. Actually I’d like to see Ivanka and her toad-like brothers in jail for money laundering and tax evasion and having to give up their pampered lifestyles for a few decades.

    • Kitten says:

      Au contraire. I think everything you describe might actually be more satisfying in a way.

      • Trashaddict says:

        Unfortunately, the only thing that would satisfy me would be tarring and feathering the whole lot, but I don’t think that will ever come back in style-

      • Jerusha says:

        I’m still plumping for a firing squad for treasonous acts. Televised, of course.

    • Veronica S. says:

      My goal is to make him a footnote president, honestly. A hundred years down the line, I want him to be one of those president that people only remember for what a f*cking joke he was, same with the people who supported him. A wannabe Hitler who was too lazy and incompetent to even do fascism correctly, so he got stopped by people with a modicum of sense. Don’t fail me in 2020, America.

    • Fluffy Princess says:

      I care. He sold out this country to dictators and worse for PERSONAL GAIN. A few hundred million and couple of Hotels. He needs to ROT in Jail along with Jr., Dum Dum and Nagini. Also, every Repub senator and congress person who aided this by rolling over and turning a blind eye — JAIL!!!

      I want all of his property seized, and I want them all to die in jail completely and totally poverty stricken.

      He has been a disgusting, racist criminal a-hole for decades — He and his grifter, trash of a family also needs to PAY–not just with humiliation but with REAL TIME in a real effing prison.

      Do you think the legal system would be so lax on anyone of us here at Celebitchy who committed similar crimes?? NO. WE would rot in a some dark hole of a prison until our dying day, if not tried for the death penalty.

      NO MERCY. NONE. F him and his family for what they’ve done to this country. And congress people too. They took a sworn oath to protect and serve this country and it’s people — they need to rot in a super max prison in general population.

      • Fluffy says:

        So what do we do with Barron Trump? Sell him to Q or NAMBLA? Perhaps he could handle the carry out trade at Hillary’s pizza joint. Get serious dear, and have a martini.

  14. Q T Hush says:

    To Fluffy Princess
    Yes to EZ’s properties being seized. Better yet let’s make Mar-a-Largo low income housing for new immigrants seeking asylum. Then get our new citizens jobs in the prison kitchens holding the crime family. Perhaps they can add their own brand of special spices (The Help💩) to their food everyday. They deserve it.

    • Fluffy says:

      Minnie’s chocolate pie… I so need that recipe for some unsuspecting Republican family members,

    • holly hobby says:

      Mar-A-Lago was actually owned by Marjorie Post – yes the descendant from Post cereal! She gifted it to the govt upon her death but the govt had no use for it and sold it. This turd bought it and bastardized it.