Nicole Kidman on her kids: They chose ‘to be Scientologists, it’s my job to love them’

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Nicole Kidman got totally cut off from her kids when Tom Cruise divorced her. David Miscavige, the head of Scientology, made it his mission to bring Cruise back into the fold and that involved convincing Cruise to dump Kidman. Cruise was out of Scientology for about ten years before this happened, according to two former parishioners and the Going Clear documentary. Cruise got pulled back in around 2001 and was convinced by Miscavige to dump Kidman, who was not a Scientologist. Their kids Conner and Isabella were just six and seven years old when that happened, they were going to Scientology school and they were brainwashed to believe that Nicole was a Suppressive Person and that they should shun their own mom. I can’t imagine how heartbreaking it was for Kidman to lose contact with her kids and have them turned against her. Kidman has so far only talked about it in very vague terms. In a new interview she said very plainly that she accepts her children’s decision to be Scientologists, that they’re adults now, and that she believes in tolerance. She’s promoting the movie Boy Erased, where she plays the mom of a boy sent to gay conversion therapy.

“I’m very private about all that,” Kidman, 51, said about her kids, as reported by Australia’s Who Magazine. “I have to protect all those relationships. I know 150% that I would give up my life for my children because it’s what my purpose is.”

She continued, “They are adults. They are able to make their own decisions. They have made choices to be Scientologists and as a mother, it’s my job to love them.”

“I am an example of that tolerance and that’s what I believe – that no matter what your child does, the child has love and the child has to know there is available love and I’m open here,” she said. “I think that’s so important because if that is taken away from a child, to sever that in any child, in any relationship, in any family – I believe it’s wrong. So that’s our job as a parent, to always offer unconditional love.”

[From People]

Being Scientologist is all Conner and Bella know. If they decide to leave the cult now their rich dad will cut them off and they’ll probably lose all their friends including their significant others. (Although Bella may have married a non-Scientologist.) They’re famous so they may not get harassed as much as other defectors do. That’s one key difference between a cult and a religion. You can leave a religion without losing everything and everyone you know. That means that staying in Scientology is no way a choice, but I understand why Nicole framed it that way, and why she’s so delicate in talking about it. I don’t know if I agree with everything Nicole said, particularly about accepting your kids no matter what. There are certain situations where that does not apply. It’s so sad to think about, but I have friends whose kids are addicts and they absolutely had to distance themselves and tell them they’re cut off unless they get sober.

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35 Responses to “Nicole Kidman on her kids: They chose ‘to be Scientologists, it’s my job to love them’”

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  1. Veronica S. says:

    What a shame to separate a family like that, really.

    Although, I will say there are absolutely places in the United States where leaving a religion can get you family-banned, especially if you convert to another one. The most extreme examples are absolutely cults, but I’ve known plenty of LGBT+ and atheists/converts who had to skip town after their families essentially disowned them.

    • Nova says:

      Yeah, plenty of people get completely shunned or even worse killed for leaving their religion all over the world.

    • Mina says:

      True, but even those could be seen as “cults” inside a particular religion. Most people in any mainstream religion wouldn’t go that far, but each religion has a very extremist group that acts like a cult.

  2. Lala11_7 says:

    So…we just…gone…to CONTINUE to NOT talk about how Connor looks JUST LIKE TOM…EXACTLY LIKE TOM?!?!

    Okay then…

    I agree with EVERYTHING Nicole says regarding her adult children…

  3. Sayrah says:

    How long had they been adopted before the divorce? I remember it being only a year or less.

    • Josie says:

      Both children were adopted as infants; they were young school age when the divorce happened. Nicole had visitation until their early teens, when they appear to have gone all-in on Scientology and cut her off as an SP. my heart breaks for her, especially because the gossip for years was that she cut them off and wasn’t a loving mother. She took the fall for Tom’s cult craziness.

    • ValiantlyVarnished says:

      Nope. They adopted both children as babies and they divorced when the kids were six and seven.

    • Allie says:

      They were both adopted at birth. So they were adopted 6-7 years before the divorce.

  4. kristen says:

    Heartbreaking. I really don’t know what else to say except it’s heartbreaking.

  5. Steff says:

    When will Hollywood take a hard stance on Scientology? It’s crazy how Tom Cruise just goes on unscathed and no one calls him out.

    • skipper says:

      Scientology is a billion dollar business. They have paid off so many people, organizations and even the police forces. I think it’s only a matter of time before it all comes crashing down but then what will happen to their followers? I fear a mass suicide in the end. I hope it doesn’t come to that.

    • Meredith says:

      I was in LA for the first time a few weeks ago and the amount of Scientology stuff I saw was crazy! Their buildings, the celebrity center, of course, billboards for their tv station, Scientologists handing stuff out on Hollywood Blvd. I definitely wasn’t expecting it and it left me unsurprised the amount of stuff they can get away with in LA/Hollywood.

  6. Herewegoagain says:

    “ I don’t know if I agree with everything Nicole said, particularly about accepting your kids no matter what. There are certain situations where that does not apply. It’s so sad to think about, but I have friends whose kids are addicts and they absolutely had to distance themselves and tell them they’re cut off unless they get sober”.
    This is problematic for me. You can accept your children and love them no matter what AND realize that tough love or extreme measures need to be taken to save them from themselves. I would even say that cutting them off IS accepting them. They are accepting that the child is an addict and taking measures to not aid in a destructive lifestyle. Not accepting them would be to ignore the issue and carry on like everything is fine.

    • NicoleinSavannah says:

      Thank you for saying this so much more eloquently than me. That stuck out to me as well. As a recovering addict in a family full of alcoholics and addicts, I don’t agree with that whatsoever. There always has to be some type of awareness of unconditional love even when stepping away for a moment. There doesn’t have to be, but it helps.

      • KatieBo says:

        Agreed! (Recovering alcoholic here!) When family cuts off an addict it is (hopefully) with the message “It is BECAUSE I love you that I will not watch you kill yourself. I will BE HERE when you are ready to get help. I am a safe place to get well, but I won’t contribute to your demise. I love you too much.” Unconditional love is the basis and the addict should know it’s there.
        The feeling of being unworthy and unlovable is SUCH a huge part of that vicious recovery/relapse cycle.

    • Pamela says:

      This is perfectly stated, Herewegoagain.

    • cora says:

      It might be much more complex than that, it can be also a message she is sending them, telling them that she loves them and always has….? Just a thought.

  7. emmidwest says:

    I think though even when your child is an addict, you have love available for them if they choose to turn things around. My sister is an addict and cut off from family, but if she got sober my parents would absolutely be there for her. Distancing yourself from an addict isn’t just about self preservation, it’s also about loving them enough to not enable them anymore.
    I took it as she’s saying that should things change, she’d be there for them.

  8. Christina says:

    Celebitchy, I agree that addicted kids can be cut off, but alientated kids/adults should not if they come back with intentions of healing. When my ex alienated my daughter from me, many older women came out to me about having their young children alienated from them by their ex’s/abusers. I was close to giving up because my child was so brainwashed, but they all told me that the children come back. They don’t go to college, many times are addicted and need help, but that they came with open hearts and are now very close. The children sometimes see the abuser or mentally ill dad as they are, and they leave to survive it and seek out the mother they suddenly realized was also an abuse victim forced out of their children’s lives. I’m so happy I got her back at 13. God bless Nicole.

  9. Meg says:

    love bellas feather tattoo on her arm. tattoos are addictive.
    I lived in LA for a time and signed up for central casting, where they get extras for movies and TV shows filmed there. You wait outside to get in to sign up everyday and once they are full they turn people away so you line up before they’re even open. Scientology knows this so they go there everyday too offering ‘free acting classes’ and in no way state they are with scientology. they walk up to each and every person in line asking, ‘do you want to attend? class fills up fast so we need you contact info and bring your friends. Oscar, emmy, and grammy winners attend these classes.’ I ignored her and didn’t answer when she asked me questions. Don’t engaged or they’ll twist your words on you. One girl seemed somewhat interested and the woman then said, ‘after class you can go next door to the church and check that out too.’ that’s when we all knew-this is a trick to get you to attend a church, this isn’t about an acting class at all. the woman then handed her a form and she girl said, ‘oh this is the cult that the media says is so bad.’ and the woman lost it, shouting, ‘the media hates us because we’re against pharmaceutical drugs and all those media outlets have those companies as advertisers.’ it was crazy awkward. when the woman walked away we talked about the churches we were raised in doing NOTHING like that to harass people to attend-lying about offering an acting class when really it was a way to get into their cult.

  10. jessamine says:

    In this case Nicole was framing “acceptance” as an expression of unconditional parental love, which it is, not as blanket enabling. Children can be addicts, be alienated, commit crimes or terrible acts and as a parent you can still love them and accept them as your child without “accepting” what they have done. She understands the incredible psychological pressure her children were under and she hopes one day for reconciliation.

  11. Raina says:

    If my kids became Scientologists, I would make it MY job to shove my foot up their asses so high they wouldn’t be able to sit in on the meetings.
    Just sayin

  12. Sue Denim says:

    On a totally shallow note, I love Nicole Kidman as a redhead, wish she’d go back to that, so much prettier and more distinctive. The blond washes her out.

    • huckle says:

      I don’t think red is an easy color to keep up if you’re greying. Maybe that’s why she keeps the blonde? I think she looks great either way.

      • Starkiller says:

        If you’re almost entirely grey/white as Nicole is, light blonde is the only colour that ISNT basically impossible to keep up. Red is the most difficult color to keep even on non-grey hair—trying it on hair as white as Nicole’s is a fool’s errand.

    • Esmom says:

      I think she looks better with red hair, too. I also noticed in recent photos that her face is looking slightly jacked again. Eek.

  13. Valerie says:

    Just love them straight into the arms of a cult. That’s great parenting!

    • Ange says:

      She really didn’t have a choice, I’m not sure how this is her fault instead of the parent that raised them into it.

  14. Bruhilde says:

    They could had prevent all this as the adults they supposely are .