I’ve been avoiding all of the insular media-critiquing-the-media coverage on Emperor Bigly’s Syrian bombing. Which isn’t to say I disagree with those critics who say that professional pundits and journalists need to stop praising Bigly for throwing some Tomahawks at an airfield (after giving Putin the heads up). Bigly should not be praised and pundits need to stop trying to make “Bigly is so presidential because he bombs things” happen. Still, questions linger about just how and why Bigly decided to act so suddenly – in the middle of a highly sensitive visit from the Chinese delegation, no less – and with such emotion. Well, guess who convinced him? Precious Ivanka. Of course.
Donald Trump’s daughter persuaded him to strike targets in Syria, according to reports of a diplomatic memo. A cable briefing to Theresa May and Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson by Britain’s ambassador to Washington Sir Kim Darroch said Ms Trump was influential in bringing about the bombings, those who saw the memo said.
It claimed Mr Trump was “genuinely shaken” by pictures of more than 80 who died in a Sarin nerve gas attack that were broadcast on cable television, according to The Sunday Times. Sources who read the message said the first daughter’s position on the atrocity was a “significant influence in the Oval Office”. Ministers were told it meant the administration’s reaction was “stronger than expected”.
Sir Kim reportedly pointed to a tweet sent by Ms Trump in which she announced she was “heartbroken and outraged by the images coming out of Syria following the atrocious chemical attack”.
Marking a striking U-turn from the anti-interventionist stance Mr Trump took during his campaign, on Friday he ordered the firing of 59 cruise missiles at a military target in the war-torn country. Reports said the barrage of Tomahawk missiles, fired from two US Navy vessels located in the Mediterranean Sea, targeted Al Shayrat air base in the central city of Homs, from which Syrian aircraft staged Tuesday’s chemical weapons attack.
After the missile strike, Ms Trump wrote on Twitter: “The times we are living in call for difficult decisions. Proud of my father for refusing to accept these horrendous crimes against humanity.”
So, now we know. This actually explains a lot. Bigly does whatever his Precious Ivanka tells him to do, and now that Precious Ivanka knows that she can literally convince her father to bomb countries, how will she proceed in the future? And beyond that… hey, we knew this would happen. We knew it would happen as soon as she got that gaudy title, security clearance and a West Wing office. Next up: Precious Ivanka will get her daddy to threaten to bomb Canada unless Justin Trudeau comes down to Washington just to kiss her.
Also: while Bigly was bombing Syria, Precious Ivanka’s children were “performing” for the Chinese president. This sh-t is like Versailles.
Photos courtesy of WENN.