Aliana Lohan, Western emo singer: ‘I’ve never done therapy in my entire life’

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Out of all the Lohans, Ali/Aliana Lohan is absolutely the most sympathetic. Michael Lohan is a flaming pile of garbage. Dina Lohan is a broken wine bottle. Lindsay is a trainwreck. The brothers are silent as the grave. But Ali? She got the worst of Lindsay’s drama and her parents’ drama, all because Lindsay was trying to “protect” her… from something. Mostly, Lindsay just wanted her little sister around her at all times, because Lindsay wanted her little sister to comfort her. Ali bounced around from the Chateau Marmont to Lindsay’s various apartments to Dina’s various homes and I doubt even Lindsay and Dina knew where Ali was most of the time (hint: she was off getting plastic surgery). When Ali was 17 years old, she spent eight months in South Korea, working as a “model,” or so the story goes (that’s one of the sketchier stories in the life of Ali Lohan). She returned to New York at some point, and now she’s in LA.

Throughout all of the Lohan Family crack shenanigans, Ali retained her fundamental dream: she was going to be a singer. And that’s why Cosmopolitan profiled her. Cosmo notes that the interview took place before Lindsay’s broken engagement to Egor, and they also note that Michael Lohan Jr. is acting as Aliana’s publicist/manager, and MLJ refused to let Cosmo speak to Ali again once Lindsay’s drama exploded. You can read the full Cosmo piece here – it’s full of Lohan-esque delusion and alternate-reality messaging (she refers to Dina as “my strength” – LMAO), but once again… Aliana is pretty sympathetic. I honestly feel sorry for her and I wouldn’t want to trade places with her for anything. Some highlights:

She’s breaking into music at the age of 22: “This is what I wanted to do since I was 8 years old.”

Working on her album in LA: She’s working with a producer to nail down her sound, which she describes as “Western emo,” citing Nancy Sinatra and Johnny Cash as inspirations.

Her positivity: “I believe everything happens for a reason. Like, everything…. I’ve never done therapy in my entire life. Nothing against therapists. I think it’s extraordinary what they do for people. I just, I have a deep sense of faith and spirituality, so I think that’s my grounding.” Buddhism and meditation are “a big part” of her life. And she mentions her affinity for Wayne Dyer, the spiritual self-help guru who wrote Change Your Thoughts — Change Your Life.

The tabloid interest in her family:
“It’s just crazy how things can get out, and be twisted and completely fabricated. That was mind-blowing to me. Being born in a family that’s public, that’s just been my life. I’ve never gone out of my way for attention… I’m a very focused person. All my family knows, ‘Aliana’s singing.’”

Her rage-tweet about Jennifer Lawrence’s Lohan joke, which was “I get Lindsay Lohan-grade exhaustion but without any drugs or alcohol”: “That was literally something that came over me where I was like, ‘You know what, that’s my sister. I gotta say something.’ At first, I was like, ‘Sh-t. Are people gonna jump on this?’ I’m like, ‘You know what? It’s OK.’ Because I just wanted her to know that you should stand up for other women, you should help people and not put them down, ever.”

Moving to South Korea at the age of 17: “I was modeling using just my first name in the beginning — I didn’t want to be taken a different way. When I was there, I was alone, so I was just getting to experience another place around the world and really taking that in. I was like, ‘Wow. This is cool’ — free bird.”

Whether she parties:
“Never. Wasn’t for me. I’ve never done drugs or anything, thank god. I did not like that scene.”

[From Cosmopolitan]

The narrative has been set by the Lohan women, and they always answer the same questions with the same script. If you asked Lindsay if she parties these days, she would also say “Never, I did not like that scene, I made some mistakes but now I don’t do drugs or anything!” I can actually hear Lindsay saying that, can’t you? As for this: “Because I just wanted her to know that you should stand up for other women, you should help people and not put them down, ever.” Oh, honey. It’s like the Taylor Swift Feminism thing – feminism means “no one can say anything bad about Taylor, because feminism.” Aliana’s version of “supporting women” is “no one can say anything bad about a Lohan, because supporting women!”

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Photos courtesy of Sami Drasin/Cosmopolitan.

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18 Responses to “Aliana Lohan, Western emo singer: ‘I’ve never done therapy in my entire life’”

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  1. Locke Lamora says:

    I don’t know if it so much about feminism or about family. Lindsay is a mess, but she’s her sister. I am someone who can take a joke, if it’s about me. I can shrug off mean comments and not care. But touch my little sister and you’re dead. And if someone was using my sister as a cheap joke, especially if she had such deep rooted issues, I’d be pissed too. I’m not sure she responded in the best way, but I understand why she did it.

    • Ollie says:

      Yes i think that Swift feminism here is a big stretch. That’s not a quote about feminism. Her sister is troubled and everyone likes to put her down. That’s actually terrible. Same goes vor Amanda Byrns.

      Nowhere does she say women aren’t allowed to judge other women.
      “you should help people and not put them down, ever” sounds very much like “don’t beat someone who already lies on the floor.”

  2. QQ says:

    I’m neveeeerrr Not gonna call his one “The Curious Case of Ali Lohan” God Bless Michael K for that

  3. Loo says:

    Everybody makes jokes about Lindsay especially young actresses. Ali can hate it all she wants but her sister is a cautionary tale. It’s not anti feminist to bring up Lohan’s trainwreck life jokingly or not. She’s going to be exhausted if she lashes out at everyone who talks about her drug addicted sister.

    People are tired of feeling sorry for Lindsay because she seems like a mean person on top of her drug addiction. Nobody is going to be team Lindsay anymore.

  4. The other Kiki says:

    She looks way older than 22…

  5. Mia4S says:

    Wait. Wait. She was 17 (?!?!) when she went to “work” in South Korea? No guardian? That’s legal?!? God that is terrifying. I assume she was able to because she graduated high school early through “home schooling”? Yiiiiiikes.

    I do feel for this kid. No DUIs or theft charges so really she’s harmless. Probably not talented/charismatic enough for a Showbiz career though…and I’m not sure she was prepared for anything else. Tough road ahead.

    • Bre says:

      What the documentary Model Girl. Some of these models are even younger and pretty much on their own working in other countries.

    • QQ says:

      THAT is it Mia, this girl isn’t “sparkly” or interesting or good enough for any of these things but she keeps going back for more a la Willis Girls etc THAT is what’s offensive about her like, go to school or learn a trade, all she really wants its to be “famous” for it’s own sake and has been hungry for it for a looonnggg time she was one of those always giving quips about “watch out for her next” and whatever dumbness as though she had chops or studied her craft or some such

  6. HH says:

    I thought modeling was her dream?! Was that something she was forced into? Weird.

  7. Cee says:

    She might not need theraphy now, but with everything she must have lived through due to her family, she would benefit from it. therapy is not about telling you what it wrong with your life, but what you can do to improve it, and yourself.

  8. delia says:

    would both of you effing Lohans please take your fingers out of your mouths

    • EduBois says:

      YES!!!!! You don’t look thoughtful or introspective or coy or sexy. You look like you might have food in your mouth. Gross.

  9. Bess says:

    Ali Lohan deserves our pity. Ali was living with Lindsay when she was just 15. Just think of the crazy things she must have witnessed.

    I don’t believe that Ali was in Korea “modeling:, I think she was in some sort of rehab or eating disorder clinic.

  10. Rubber Ducky says:

    Having witnessed the delightful trainwreck ‘Christmas Magic’ song that Ali butchered several years ago, I can’t wait to hear how terrible a singer she is nowadays.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rGv4-jbccSQ

    Lord.

  11. It is always the tone and time of things that grows into interesting impressions. And if it included lots of pain then it can only be worth listening too. If it is too truthful to those that made it rough in the first place, it is those that are the target of your unbecoming the impression that makes you who you want to be, or become. We are all illusions of our recited life.