Johnny Depp’s behavior left Amber ‘cowering’ in a plane’s bathroom in 2013

This is just a reminder: Johnny Depp still has high-profile people on his “side.” The Hollywood Vampires’ Instagram posted the above photo of Tim Burton and Johnny Depp hanging out together during the band’s tour through Romania. According to People Mag, “Johnny was so in his element. His backing vocals were good. And he was interacting with the audience a lot. He seemed to be having a great time.” A Romanian blogger who was at the Bucharest show also said that Depp “seemed really happy all the time, he smiled a lot, and threw guitar picks and his scarves into the crowd.” Ew. I would not want to catch Depp’s scarves.

Anyway, the Daily Mirror had an interesting/horrifying story about Depp being abusive to Amber Heard way back in 2013. Depp, Heard and his kids flew to Japan on a private plane so that Depp could do some promotional work for The Lone Ranger. During the flight, Depp got drunk and aggressive, and it got so bad that Amber hid in the bathroom for much of the flight.

Johnny Depp and Amber Heard reportedly had an explosive bust-up on board a private jet that left the actress cowering in the bathroom. Johnny is said to have downed booze and smoked weed while on board en route to Japan for a promotional trip for the Lone Ranger in 2013, shortly after it opened to disappointing sales in the US box office. A source described the trip as a ‘nightmare’, with Johnny’s erratic behaviour frightening Amber.

The source told the Mirror: “Johnny took his family with him on the trip, on a private jet paid for by the studio. During the flight, Johnny was drinking and smoking loads. His behaviour became unpredictable, and Amber didn’t want to be around him. But there was nowhere to go on the jet except the bathroom, so she hid in there. She only rejoined him once the plane had landed. The rest of the trip was a completely disaster – Johnny continued boozing throughout. The film had tanked at the box office, so it was a difficult trip anyway. He had brought his family along for support, but ended up pushing them away.”

[From The Daily Mirror]

I found some photos of Amber, Johnny and his kids at Narita Airport in Tokyo in 2013, which would have been this trip. Amber and the kids didn’t walk on any carpets with Johnny in Japan, they just came out for moral support, I guess. In the group photos, Amber does seem uncomfortable, and like she’s more interested in engaging with Depp’s kids. This would be consistent with the timeline of abuse Amber has given so far, and I wonder how much worse it got for Amber in particular during this Japan trip.

What’s also sort of interesting is that Depp looked so much better in 2013. Nowadays, he looks like he spent the last three years drowning in a vat of alcohol.



Photos courtesy of WENN, Instagram.

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251 Responses to “Johnny Depp’s behavior left Amber ‘cowering’ in a plane’s bathroom in 2013”

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  1. Pinky says:

    What’s most abusive, is that he forced her to wear that fedora.


    • Moxie Remon says:

      Yeah, that joke’s gotta go. Super classless.

    • Kitten says:

      I don’t even know what happens to someone when they catch Johnny’s scarves.

    • LCarter says:

      this is my opinion on comments regarding AH’s reason for not going to the police or hospital, Unless you’ve personally have been in an abusive relationship, you can’t begin to understand the psychological trauma that we abusees have been tortured with day in and day out on top of the fear of being killed…a man with the celebrity power as JD has could minimize the seriousness of an issue just as he is doing now…we should be praising any woman who finally has the courage to be strong and stand up to her abuser…there are comments and stories I’ve had read throughout his years with winona and kate…as ppl have pointed out why is AH’s past life being torn apart but nothing about JD’s past volatile relationships. This is my opinion as a woman who has suffered through a violent abusive relationship…luckily I only stayed for 6 yrs but the damage is permanent,

      • Capepopsie says:

        I’m so sorry for you! Good for you
        having the courage and strength to
        break loose.

        I fully agree with everything you said.
        Hope you are okay and I wish you the
        Very best!

      • Ariel says:

        Six years is a long time to live in hell.
        So happy you were able to get out, not everyone does.

        So damage be damned, congratulations are still in order.

  2. Dangles says:

    So when is this thing likely to be settled by?

    • Naya says:

      Depp will settle. Maybe he is using Afflecks last years crisis manager. S/he apparently likes to let the scandal percolate before s/he swoops in with a massive “shut up” cheque.

      I think Amber is amazing though. I also think she is built in the Idgaf vain of Kathleen Turner and Cybill Shephard. NDA or no NDA, she WILL write a book. It will be juicy and scandalous and unfortunately at least 20 years from now.

      • anon says:

        Amber still hasn’t filed yet

      • MrsBPitt says:

        No…JD won;t settle without a confidentiality clause….Of course, he didn’t have a prenup, so maybe he is just that stupid that he will forego the confidentiality clause…but I don’t think so…he is not blinded by the lust anymore…

      • dippit says:

        *Unless* AH has significantly more to reveal, which looks unlikely as AH’s team have even walked back on the video somewhat, it’s no longer in JD’s best interests to settle. Nothing about JD’s ‘quiet’ and weathering this media storm approach indicates inclination to settle.

        So much is also out there now from AH’s team that she can’t be seen to settle or it’s right back to the beginning for her public perception of “all about the money built on lies”.

        Unless AH formally pursues criminal charges, JD has little left to lose which is not already lost; and, rightly or wrongly, he’s being given the benefit of the doubt by more people than she is.

        AH can’t be awarded any more than her basic entitlement in the divorce proceedings regardless of her DV claims. JD doesn’t look set to pay a penny more than that basic.

        She could try a civil suit for compensation/damages, JD might just pay something to make that go away. However, her position is weakened by the day by her not making a formal complaint of assault with LAPD. In a civil suit the threshold for proof would be lower, but she would be dogged with “why did you seek no criminal redress if this happened?” throughout.

        My gut still says JD has been quietly getting his ducks in a row for the next TRO hearing and remains disinclined to settle. He’s brazening out the exposure, keeping his powder dry, and the initial threat of reveal was always AH’s whip hand. Since she’s now played out that hand publicly her potential for a settlement has weakened.

        Out of interest, how would CBers feel if AH did take some money and go away now?

      • Anna says:

        @DIPITT: I commented earlier that she would have been well advised to play her cards close to the chest. Information is power. I agree 100% with your analysis. Showing her hand the way she has instead of saving it for where it really counts (the courtroom) just gives his legal team the time and means to counter her evidence. And no…at this point, he has no intention of negotiating a settlement. That’s very very clear.

    • noway says:

      I don’t know about it settling soon, I have a feeling this is going to go on for a while. I got a bit fed up with all the gossipy innuendo and found and read Amber’s TRO complaint and Wasser’s response on Johnny’s behalf. Amber’s lawyer originally gave Johnny’s side a very short time frame for their demands or they were filing for the TRO. Not your usual lawyer time frame. I get the feeling it was Amber trying to speed it up. The letter and correspondence are interesting in they say Amber doesn’t want this to go public and won’t if Johnny agrees to all of this, but really gives them no time to agree to all she wants. Then you have all these leaks on both sides. I think the lawyers may be trying to settle, but I think Amber and Johnny both want to drag each other in the mud as deeply as they can go.

      I suppose Amber could again file a complaint with LAPD about Johnny, and if I hear one more time on this thread that the state prosecutes him not her I will scream. Yes the state prosecutes, but unless someone is visually hurt, and I do believe LAPD at the time she probably wasn’t showing a bruise, they don’t just file a domestic abuse case. In addition Johnny wasn’t even at the condo when the police arrived, Amber’s words on the TRO. In her lawyers original letter to Johnny’s business lawyer, they state Amber didn’t file an official statement about Johnny, because she wanted to handle this privately. Not sure what people think the police should do file a complaint based on TMZ or Celebitchy posts. In reality women have to speak up and state what happened to the police, and the true heartbreak of these events are some abused women may get even more frightened thinking how this has worked out and not turn their abuser in.

      • Zwella Ingrid says:

        The other thing is she should have gone to the hospital so that a medical professional could document her injuries. Without that documentation and without the police she will have a hard time proving her side.

    • kerfuffles says:

      “AH can’t be awarded any more than her basic entitlement in the divorce proceedings regardless of her DV claims. JD doesn’t look set to pay a penny more than that basic.”

      That’s not true, legally. Abuse, like adultery, can be used as grounds for a spouse to receive a disproportionate share of the martial estate–in other words, more than the basic entitlement under the divorce proceedings.

      She is already entitled to half of what Depp earned during their marriage, which is probably a significant sum. If she can prove her abuse claims, she could be awarded more than half. It’s up the judge as to what is fair and equitable.

      I’m not suggesting her abuse allegations are false and just a money grab. I don’t like AH but I absolutely believe Depp abused her and she did not deserve that no matter what I think of her as a person or an actress. She also may not have any interest in using the abuse to obtain a larger share of the estate. Even if she did, I would not think less of her for it. It seems hitting him in the pocket book may be the only way to get him to pay attention to his problems. But the abuse claims ARE relevant to what she is ultimately entitled to in a divorce settlement, and not just as leverage to get him to want to keep her quiet.

      • dippit says:

        But she filed under ‘irreconcilable difference’ in a ‘no fault’ state. Also, crucially, she has yet to submit a formal complaint of DV/assault & battery with the appropriate authorities (LAPD). Her being granted a TRO (to be reviewed shortly) does not provide for sufficient proof in their divorce proceedings.

      • The Other Katherine says:

        @kerfuffles, there are some states, even community property ones, where marital fault (e.g., abuse, adultery) may be considered when dividing up the marital assets; but California is not such a state. Abuse may be taken into account when setting the amount of spousal support owed in California, if any. However, for marriages less than 10 years, California limits spousal support to half the length of the marriage, which means any support payments awarded to Heard, even in the full amount of $50,000/month that she requested, would only continue for 7.5 months — a trivial amount in the context of this particular divorce.

        @dippit, it is possible for Amber to file a civil suit against Johnny for the alleged abuse, but I suspect this ultimately will not happen. If such a suit were to go forward, though, I don’t think it really matters whether Amber gave detailed reports of her abuse to the police or not, except from a PR perspective; victims of crimes are not obligated to detail those crimes to police and do not forfeit any rights they may have to civil redress if they do not do so. Of course, a criminal conviction for DV would help to bolster a civil case, but because the bar for proof is set lower in a civil case, there could still be a successful civil suit where a criminal case might be likely to fail. There are many, many reasons why a DV victim may not want to participate in a criminal case (and no shortage of expert witnesses who could testify to that effect if necessary). As someone with no prior DV convictions, and as the injuries involved were minor, Johnny would probably only receive some combination of probation, community service, and mandatory classes if convicted, and because the threshold for proof in criminal cases is set at “beyond a reasonable doubt,” a guilty verdict would be far from a foregone conclusion. Also, as the case cannot be quietly settled out of court the way a civil case can, public nastiness would be 100% guaranteed if Johnny didn’t take a plea bargain, which he wouldn’t. To sum up, it doesn’t make any practical sense for Amber to expend her time and energy trying to get the DA’s office to pursue a criminal case here, except possibly as a PR move, and even that would probably backfire (i.e., lead to her being painted as a merciless, vindictive harpy).

      • dippit says:

        @The Other Katherine

        Yes, to most of your post; I considered the civil option in my first post and the thresholds of proof. However, I still think her not having filed a formal police complaint would dog any of her efforts in a civil suit. Not formalising her claims of DV, however parsed by ‘psych experts’ (particularly as the publicity removes the “ashamed” or “matters of privacy” etc angle), would significantly weaken her position.

        Also her ‘evidence’ is more open to question from a battery of forensic/documentation ‘experts’. As she did not submit herself for accredited medical examination and documenting of injuries on any occasion and has not allowed what ‘evidence’ she has to be tested for authenticity in a credited fora, that ‘evidence’ could be ruled inadmissible or subjected to ‘experts from both side merry-go-round’. Added to which, for the main incident in question, LAPD officers are on record as having observed no indications of assault and she did not mention an assault when questioned by said officers.

        At the moment it appears ranged against her on the ‘injuries’ aspect are: two LAPD Officers; at least two of JD’s bodyguards; two apartment block doormen; and one resident of the apartment block. On her side are: the neighbour/friend (who claims to have taken the photo before the LAPD arrived); and the bf of her neighbour/friend.

        Add to which the bodyguards’ claims that they often had to drag AH off JD, it would be an uphill battle even on lesser threshold for civil.

        And a new kink in the account has been spotted by some in iO TW’s essay. She states that she overheard (on the phone) JD say “what if I pulled your hair back”, before she called the police, which some believe could be interpreted as implying that AH had pulled his hair first and he was responding querying in a “how would you like it” way. So both teams would have to wade in on interpretation of that ear witness account too.

        I’m just saying that although the civil threshold is lower, there is a threshold nonetheless. I agreed with you re: criminal where the threshold is far higher.

        Ultimately, as I said in another post, so much will come down to the individual believability (and how vested they are to give truthful account OR perjure themselves) of all parties concerned. However, I still, back to my original point, don’t think JD looks set to settle beyond statutory obligations.

  3. Esmom says:

    I get why she would hide in the can but what about the kids? If they were on the plane they had to also be exposed to his behavior. Sad.

    • anna says:

      and the assistant as well. also, do flight attendants on private jets sign nda’s?

      • Tiffany :) says:


      • Katie says:

        And where in that article did it state AH was “cowering” in the bathroom. It said she “didn’t want to be around him” and the only place to go was the bathroom.
        This comment will likely be debunked by one of his kids soon. Why state something happened where there are witnesses (**actual** witnesses this time) that can dispute the claim??

    • Emma - The JP Lover says:

      Who is the woman in yellow … an assistant or one of Amber’s friends (I ask because she has her hand on Amber’s back)? The kids don’t look upset. How did this get leaked if it was only Johnny, Amber, and his family on the flight?

    • Emma - The JP Lover says:

      Sorry … I don’t know why this posted twice.

    • Lena says:

      Maybe they were sleeping somewhere and he and Amber were in another part of the plane?

      • Esmom says:

        You’d think but I actually just toured a private plane and there’s really next to no privacy available, even in the “extra private” areas. I don’t think the kids could avoid their dad. Unless there are private planes with really separate areas.

      • vauvert says:

        There is no private area on a private jet. Even on the G5. It really is one big space with (usually) a dining area, a seating area and a lounging/lots of legroom area for seats to become beds.
        If the crew and the jet are owned by a charter company, there aren’t any formal NDA’s but generally speaking due to the nature of the clients, the staff are not gossipy if they want to keep their job. If the jet and crew are corporate (in this case the studio) there may well be an NDA.

      • Tiffany :) says:

        vauvert, a celeb who uses a plane from a charter company like NetJets many times will ask the crew to sign NDAs.

  4. roxane says:

    In the texts message to his assistant she mention an incident in Tokyo.

  5. Who ARE these people? says:

    Who was the source and where were the kids?

  6. InvaderTak says:

    And the kids?…were oK with this?

    • Anna says:

      They don’t look much different than any celebrity kid pap photo taken at an airport. Lily Rose and the assistant look like they’re laughing in the second shot. What would be interesting is to see not just the photos that the pap deemed sellable at the time, but the (probably) 500-1000 he didn’t.

      I think we’re all aware that for these people, there is a certain line they promote, image wise at any given time. This was “happy family” time. What I would really like to see are the photos, probably taken one second after the other, of Depp getting off of that escalator and walking. Put together as an animated gif, they would give a very clear indication of his state of sobriety

  7. amukay says:

    I wonder how much his kids were aware of his behavior? It can be uncomfortable when you’re young to see your parent drunk as you don’t really understand why they are acting so differently, even if they’re a happy-go-lucky drunk, let alone with any violent/aggressive behavior.

    I am still stunned at how many articles, tweets and conversations I hear every-day there are that still express such strong support for Johnny. I can understand those who want to “consider the facts” and think it too early to judge, but how is anyone still doubting that Amber’s story doesn’t contain even an element of truth?

    I was abused by a man who was later shot in the line of duty (and survived) and it still chills me to remember all the people who told me I was cruel/nasty for even considering reporting him as “hasn’t he already suffered enough?”. I never did. I hope Amber does.

    • GoodNamesAllTaken says:

      Yes, we must always consider the effect on the perpetrator, like the judge who sentenced that rapist to six months in jail because he was afraid a longer sentence would interfere with his life. I am so sick of this. How dare they tell you not to report it because of what he has suffered? What about your suffering? What is wrong with this world and why do we stand for it?

      • Esmom says:

        Oh geez don’t get me started on the Stanford case. The rapist’s dad’s letter was unreal. No regard for the victim whatsoever.

      • als says:

        What was shocking to me was that the dad was trying to protect his son while ignoring and actually destroying someone else’s daughter. And he didn’t care. He didn’t care that the victim was someone’s child too. His child needed protection, to hell with other children that are not his own.
        People say with great pride that they would do anything for their kids but they shouldn’t do this. The ugliness of human nature is revealed more and more nowadays. Nothing seems sacred anymore.
        This is not what a parent is.

        Even in Depp’s case, with his daughter coming out to defend him on Twitter. I understand her need, she is a child but I don’t get how her parents didn’t stop her. No matter how stubborn a kid is, a parent can take control. I don’t think Depp and Paradis get that a child shouldn’t protect the parents, it’s the other way around. If I was in Depp’s place I would consider myself a failure as a parent if my daughter got involved in my scandal to protect me. It’s just not her job as a child.

        These situation reflect the flawed visions on parenthood and their ugly consequences.

      • lilacflowers says:

        There is a recall petition in California to remove the judge. He is also running for re-election. He didn’t want to ruin the rapist’s life and now, there is a good potential that the rapist will ruin his.

      • als says:

        @lilac: Good! What he did should not go unpunished.

      • Snazzy says:

        Ohhh that Stanford case makes me SO ANGRY! I hope the recall petition is successful!

      • Wren says:

        Well, duh, women aren’t really people, we’re just commodities to be used for enjoyment and determining a man’s worth.

        That’s how that man’s letter read to me. While I’m furious that we somehow have to consider the poor rapist’s feewings in a criminal case, I do have hope that he WILL be properly punished. Not with jail time but with with public shame. We should keep talking about this and being angry, even if it doesn’t get him a harsher sentence or the judge recalled. The more we openly have conversations about rape the more severe the social consequences will be for perpetrators. Then, maybe, we can really focus on raising boys who value women as people and respect their minds and bodies.

      • Esmom says:

        Did anyone read this amazing reply to the rapist’s dad? One tidbit, link below. “There is no scenario where your son should be the sympathetic figure here. He is the assailant. He is the rapist. I can’t imagine as a father how gut wrenching such a reality is for you, but it is still true.”

      • doofus says:

        yeah, the judge saying that “prison would have a profound effect on his life”…B*TCH, it’s SUPPOSED TO!

      • Kitten says:

        Sorry to sound like a broken record but this goes back to my earlier comments about how the entire conversation about rape and domestic violence needs to be reframed.

        We spend so much time telling women how to “avoid” becoming victims. Don’t walk alone at night, use the buddy system, always bring your drink with you when you walk away from a bar, and on and on. The entire conversation about rape and domestic violence is framed in a way as to put the responsibility and the onus on women to avoid becoming victims in lieu of teaching men not to victimize.

        But here’s the thing: WOMEN AREN’T DUMB.

        We have common sense, we know how to protect ourselves but how do we protect ourselves from people we trust?? Because 85-90% of college-aged women who are raped are raped by someone they know. Are we supposed to teach women to be terrified and distrustful of everyone?

        How about we teach and socialize men to recognize the importance of sexual consent, to understand that just because a woman is in a public space wearing a short skirt, that she isn’t asking to be catcalled or ogled?

        I think society has this misperception that “teaching women how to avoid becoming a victim” is somehow empowering, when really all it does is teach us to be afraid while giving men a free pass to do whatever the hell they want. The responsibility should be on men to understand that women don’t exist solely for their gaze or for their sexual gratification and that consent MATTERS. We need to teach young men that women are their equals in the truest sense of the word.

        The Brock Turner case perfectly exemplifies how so many in our society are raising their young men. We’re teaching them that they can have what they want, when they want, including women. That’s the version of masculinity that they are learning and it’s that sense of entitlement, that privilege that allows them to think that they deserve everything, even an unconscious woman who cannot consent to sex.

        Ugh Sorry for the rant but this whole thing makes me want to throw the f-ck up.

      • doofus says:

        rant away, kitten, you’re totally right. this kid is a product of his upbringing. he’s been told and shown that he can take what he wants, when he wants it. and that he’s entitled to that, because of his “station” in life. a privileged, wealthy white athlete. (just like the Judge who sentenced him…)

        the alcohol didn’t give him the desire or idea to rape, it simply (as one FB post I saw said) “unlocked it” enough for him to act on it. but make no mistake, that desire and idea was already in his head. he was ENTITLED to assault that woman and take what he wanted.

      • Anna says:

        @Kitten: You know what gets me about that? It’s the EXACT same mentality that the radical Muslim sects have. On one hand, there is the acknowledgement that men are weak (cover yourselves because we can’t resist temptation) followed by putting the responsibility on women for that weakness (I couldn’t help myself because you were temptation). This will probably get deleted, if so…sorry to the mods, but I am so sick and tired of the patriachial view on male/female dynamics where men are blameless because they are weak POS. Eh…a bit of a rant sorry.

      • NotSoSocialButterfly says:

        Use his name! Brock Allen Turner, the Stanford Rapist. Long live the Google.

      • Lilacflowers says:

        Brock Turner’s father believes that sex with an unconscious woman constitutes “20 minutes of action,” because he sired such a stud who can go for 20 minutes. It is little wonder he raised a rapist. Karma is going to hurt.

      • Kitten says:

        Less than a third of all college students who are convicted of sexual assault are actually thrown out of school. Meanwhile, the victim is forced to leave the school or live with the possibility of seeing her rapist again on campus, in class, at a party, whatever.

        As a society we’ve created a system that essentially protects the perpetrator and re-victimizes the woman who was raped.

        And it’s not just wealthy white athletes that have this mentality. I think a lot of people are using Turner’s class, wealth and privilege as a way to distance themselves from the problem, like “oh well he’s a rich spoiled kid who’s always gotten his way but not MY kid….”
        When the truth is that any young man who doesn’t view a woman as his TRUE equal is likely to grow up thinking that we exist merely for his sexual gratification.

        Rapists come from all walks of life, all economic and social backgrounds, all colors and creeds. The rape culture issue transcends all these labels. The heart of the problem is a culture that defines masculinity by how many women a guy screws, a culture that says that catcalling and harassing women is ok because “boys will be boys”, and a culture that insists on telling women how they should behave in order to avoid “trouble”.

        @Anna-Wow, that’s a really powerful comparison.

      • Giddy says:

        I am sick at heart about the Stanford rapist. The judge giving six months because he evidently felt that when this “student athlete” lost his scholarship it was punishment enough. Then to call the father’s letter tone deaf would be a compliment. His remark about “20 minutes of action” make me migraine-angry. And then the victim’s letter, which should be required reading in high school. Her eloquence puts all of us in that alley with her, and I sobbed after reading it. I sincerely hope that the judge loses his re-election.

      • vauvert says:

        Kitten, GNAT and all, I absolutely agree about the bigger issue being how we educate boys. I have a son, and he is now a tween, but we have always had open talks about sexuality (to the horror of many of my friends who thought/still think he is too young to hear about it. But that is a different story.)

        I have mentioned this before, I follow A Mighty Girl on FB and I find that the topics they mention are actually a great conversation starting point to have with a son. He already knows that:
        If a woman is asleep, drunk, unconscious or in a my way impaired… It means NO. unless she can clearly, visibly and articulately consent, it means NO. If she says, stop, it means NO. It really isn’t that hard to teach boys to be respectful, and I am horrified that Brock’s father tried to argue for a lenient sentence by calling the rape “20 minute action”. That gave me some insight why this seemingly “nice” guy felt that it was okay to rape an unconscious woman, and then why he felt it was acceptable to drag her through a year of hell pretending that it was consensual.

        I will actually use this horrible case to try to explain – again- to all my friends who have sons why it is necessary to have these conversations with our boys rather than allowing them to learn about dating, relationships and sexuality from buddies, Google, porn sites and Maxim. It is important for them to learn that sex is not shameful, that women aren’t divided into angels and whores, that the girl you are chatting up in a bar tonight hoping only for sex is no less a person than the one you are going to marry. And that what she decides to do with her body is her business, and her business only.

        Anyway, sorry for the long rant. I just get annoyed when people ignore, as Kitten mentioned, that the burden of protecting ourselves should not be solely on women. The burden should be equally on men to treat each woman they encounter, regardless of her dress, sobriety, past sexual history, makeup, time of night etc. Etc. With respect. The end.

      • Esmom says:

        doofus and kitten, I think you’re absolutely right about the culture that has produced a guy like Turner. But I also think there’s an element of sickness to this. I knew plenty of white, privileged, highly entitled guys in college and even at their most drunk, sloppy and incoherent times it wouldn’t have occurred to them to assault an unconscious woman like that. In fact I knew plenty of guys who came to aid of women (and other guys) who drank too much rather than took advantage of them.

      • Lilacflowers says:

        Rape is not sex. Rape is not about sex. Rape is about power, control, harm, destruction, annihilation. It just involves sexual organs to carry it out.

      • Kitten says:

        @Vauvert- Ignore your friends and keep doing what you’re doing. Your son is lucky to have a parent who is so engaged and involved.

        @ Esmom-You’re right and that’s a fair point. In college, I too knew plenty of seemingly a-hole guys who still understood the concept of consent.

        Just to clarify my earlier statements: I’m not pointing to one single cause for our rape culture–it’s a complex and involved issue–I’m simply saying that a good starting point is how we socialize young men.

        @Lilacflowers- It’s true that rape is about power but on college campuses, it can be a bit more complicated than the typical notion of a rapist as a violent and misogynistic individual who seeks to control and overpower women. Universities have a lot of young people getting their first taste of independence, often their first taste of alcohol, and no supervision. I think even guys who would never think to say, assault a woman walking down the street, can easily rationalize a drunken hook-up with a female friend as consensual, even when she never actually consented i.e. “well, she didn’t say no, I didn’t physically hold her down, I didn’t hurt her” etc etc.
        Because sadly, a lot of young men are ill-informed about what constitutes consensual sex. We live in a “Girls Gone Wild” and “Spring break” culture that glorifies drunken sexual revelry. Getting drunk and having sex are pretty standard plot fare in movies aimed at young men and it’s a common way that young men are socialized.

        I think it’s easy to say that rape is symptomatic of a “sickness” or something defective with that person and far more daunting to examine how our culture fuels a mentality that leads college-aged men to believe that drunken, non consensual sex is just a “misunderstanding”. Combine that with a culture that says women shouldn’t put themselves in risky situations and the result is that many college-aged rape victims are scared to report their rapists because they are led to believe that it was their fault for putting themselves in that situation to begin with. In other words, college men should go out and bang everything that moves but college women better be careful because college men are out there, looking to bang everything that moves.

        That’s the message we’re sending and it’s f*cked up.

      • You don't know me says:

        He has to register has a sex offender for the rest of his life. That is the worst punishment I can imagine. Are people no longer responsible for their actions? The girl isn’t completely innocent. She should have been well aware of the potential consequences of getting intoxicated to the point of being unconscious. In no way am I saying what he did was acceptable, but she would have never been violated if she didn’t get back out drunk and lose control of her actions. Actions and decisions have consequences, ya know? I don’t care what gender you are. If she got in a car and killed someone, would we give her a pass then? No.

      • Kitten says:

        @You don’t know me-
        Ahhhh, but I DO know you. You and your ilk are the ones perpetuating and sustaining a rape culture.
        But I appreciate you weighing in and exposing yourself for what you are: part of the problem.

        She would have “never been violated” if she hadn’t gotten drunk at a party?
        If you weren’t so deluded and ignorant, I might actually say thank you for so perfectly illustrating everything I said in my prior comments.

        But yeah, keep blaming the victim and giving this guy a free pass. I hope your daughter/sister/friend never makes the tragic mistake of getting drunk at a college party because clearly, that’s an invitation to get raped.

        I mean, do you even HEAR yourself?

        The fact that you compared a woman getting drunk at a party (because again, women shouldn’t do that, amirite?) to someone getting drunk behind the wheel says everything I need to know about you.

      • ClaireB says:

        @vauvert, good for you! I’ve got a son who is about to turn 10, and I’m honestly not sure what to talk to him about and when. He’s intensely self-conscious already, so forcing difficult conversations on him doesn’t work at all. I gave him a book (good old ‘Where Did I Come From?’) when I was pregnant with his sister two years ago, but that’s been it so far. Any sage advice?

      • Wren says:

        @Kitten, I totally agree and keep on playing the broken record. Rape culture is very real but very complex, with many subtleties that are easily overlooked. If it was simple we would have fixed it long ago, but as it is we don’t even see it until it comes up and smacks us in the face.

        I was trying to explain to my husband, a large man who has never been afraid of anyone in his life, just how different it is to navigate the world as a woman. To illustrate, I brought up an incident that happened on vacation one time. We had gone down to the hotel’s giant hottub and the only other people there were a couple of young teen girls and presumably their mother. When he walked in, they abruptly stopped talking and watched him warily. Then they caught sight of me and visibly relaxed. Even so they kept plenty of distance between us and them, more carefully than what would be politely normal. He noticed and asked me why they were scared of him, truly baffled. Well honey, because they have to be, because they know full well not to let their guard down because bad things could happen.

        And that’s sad.

      • Anna says:

        @ kitten: the comparison isn’t all that different from the Judeo-Christian “Madonna/Wh*re” thing. Patriarchial religions that define women as “less” and somehow responsible for what men do to them, because “we are temptation” and the poor dears just can’t help themselves. Exactly the treatment that rape and abuse victims get in the so-called secular justice system. The “line in the sand” might be in a different place, but the underlying mentality isn’t all that different.

      • Kitten says:

        @ Wren-Of course, it’s not your boyfriend’s fault for being unaware of why women would be fearful in his presence but that is absolutely a perfect example of male privilege.

        It’s something that so many men take for granted–the freedom to walk down a street alone at night or to go for a jog at 11PM if the impulse strikes.

      • Tiffany :) says:

        “The girl isn’t completely innocent. ”

        YES, she is! Getting drunk is not a crime. Raping someone is. She is innocent, he was found guilty of 3 felonies.

      • Wren says:

        @Kitten, he still doesn’t quite get it, but he’s much more understanding than he used to be when I don’t want to go certain places or don’t want to do certain things alone. I remember the first time I brought up being afraid in the good old “dark parking lot at night” and he just looked at me like wtf. The hottub incident really made an impression on him, because it wasn’t just me telling him something. Seeing others, strangers to him, draw away in quiet fear really bothered him. I told him it wasn’t personal, we’re trained to be afraid of men and what they can do to us, since the burden is on us to protect ourselves. He thought that was really unfair and I’m like welcome to my life.

      • mia girl says:

        @kitten – EVERYTHING YOU SAID (and especially your reply to: @you don’t know me SMH)

        @vauvert – YES! I also have a pre-teen son and it can be delicate, but I feel strongly that I can’t wait until he is of a certain age to teach him about key topics like tolerance, acceptance and consent. I’m with you!

        @ClaireB – maybe this video can help you? I used it as a starting point to talk about things with my son – “Consent, it’s like a cup of tea”

      • Snowflake says:

        @ you don’t know me

        When i was 16, i was away from my family in Job Corps in St. LOUIS. a guy that was in his 20s invited me to a party. We went to the liquor store and he encouraged me to get some peppermint schnapps. I had only drunk alcohol a couple of times before so i didnt know what to get.we then went to a party some people he knew were having at a hotel room. There were a lot of older people at the party, so i was nervous. I drank some schnapps and some beer. I dont remember much after that. I vaguely remember being led to another room. Then i kept going in and out of conciousness. A couple of times i remember different men being on top of me. When i became totally conscious, There was another man there, he had been invited to have sex with me too. I was fully conscious by then and said no. They were pissed but let me be. We were in a hotel in the hood and per job corps regulations, once you were out for the night past a certain time, you couldnt come back on campus till the next day. So i didnt know what to do. I stayed in the hotel room, crying till they told me to shut up. The next morning, when they were ready to go, we went back to campus. I was still in shock and i didnt tell anyone. They did and said i did it willingly. So i was called a slut and a hoe until i transferred to a different job corps. Are you telling me i should have forseen this or are in some way responsible because i drank alcohol? No I’m not. Its not my fault some monsters look advantage of me.

      • noway says:

        Now this is kind of a dangerous way to discuss this. Yes there may be some people who are raising their boys to not respect girls and rape or harm them. I still think you have to teach girls what to do to protect themselves from predators or criminals in general. I know girls are smart, but not all girls are smart enough to cover their drinks and watch who gives it to them, not walk alone on campus, and generally just be aware. Trust me I spend a lot of time around teenage girls, and most are just not that aware enough and need this lesson repeated a lot. Similar to my African American friends who have sons and need to tell them to be careful if pulled over by a policeman. This is the world we live in, and it is better to be safe than sorry. Doesn’t diminish the crime if the above are not done, but I don’t think it is bad to try and prevent crimes either.

        Even though the stories aren’t out there I do think boys at some places are being taught to respect girls, but one of the biggest deterrents to any crime is punishment. This is where we fail miserably and we publicize our failings to make matters worse. The media on this college rapist is a perfect example. More was made of the father than the judge, at least the judge didn’t go untouched, but I think the stupid father got more vitriol. The father is just an idiot speaking out nonsense about his son, he holds no real power. The judge who has the power is the problem. All for recall of the judge. Don’t know how Ca. is with judges, but we vote them in where I live and not sure I like it. My reasoning is I don’t know anything about these people, and it’s hard to get info on them. I just think there should be some judicial oversight and when they say something dumb like this judge they are swiftly reprimanded and punished.

      • doofus says:

        wow…”you don’t know me”…and I hope never to.

        “He has to register has a sex offender for the rest of his life. That is the worst punishment I can imagine.”

        really? I can imagine a lot worse. like going to federal prison for ten years where he’d (likely) be sexually assaulted regularly. or maybe being violently dragged behind a dumpster while unconscious and being penetrated by various objects, and being left lying there naked from the waist down. oh, and then BLAMED FOR IT.

        “Are people no longer responsible for their actions?”

        yes, they are. the only thing she was responsible for was her hangover the next day.

        “The girl isn’t completely innocent.”

        Yes, she is. period, full stop.

        “She should have been well aware of the potential consequences of getting intoxicated to the point of being unconscious.”

        oh, you mean a hangover? she probably was. but rape is not a consequence of that. IN NO WAY SHAPE OR FORM.

        “In no way am I saying what he did was acceptable”

        yeah, you are. you’re saying she should accept that she might get raped while drunk.

        “but she would have never been violated if she didn’t get back out drunk and lose control of her actions.”

        WRONG. she never would have been violated if THE RAPIST HAD NOT VIOLATED HER.

        “Actions and decisions have consequences, ya know?”

        yes, and the only consequences she should have faced were a hangover and nausea. HER ACTIONS DID NOT LEAD TO THE RAPE. THE RAPISTS ACTIONS LED TO THE RAPE.

        “I don’t care what gender you are. If she got in a car and killed someone, would we give her a pass then? No.”

        no, we wouldn’t have given her a pass, but she didn’t do that. drinking to the point of passing out is not the same as driving drunk.

      • A. Key says:

        Als, you’re shocked that the Stanford dad tried to protect his son against all odds? Even if it meant destroying someone else? I’m not. People are irrational, insane and incredibly stupid when it comes to their children. I’ll never forget being 7-8 years old and telling the mother of an abusive boy from school how her son hurt me only to have her laugh at my face and then angrily accuse me of being mean and horrible to her godlike perfect untouchable child. I have no idea whatever became of that a-hole idiot in life, but I’m sure if he turned out to be an abusive criminal (which is probably true) his mother would still defend him and blame everyone else.

        I hate humanity.

      • THE OG BB says:

        Once, in college, I was at a frat party and was playing beer pong with a dorm mate and some guys. I completely blacked out and apparently while walking to another party I was slurring and stumbling and tripped and fell and one of the guys with us said “just leave her, she’s being a sloppy drunk and we are all going to get busted by campus police if she keeps slowing us down.” So they left me in front of a dorm building and went on to another party (good friends, huh?) I started crawling and was found by campus police. They at first thought I was just really drunk but realized something was wrong and took me to the ER. I had been roofied at the party. Thank god it turned out ok, but it could have gone badly. I don’t think I’m a bad person for drinking or playing beer pong with guys I didn’t know well or for not keeping an eye on my drink. I was very angry with my so called friends, even if I had been a sloppy drunk or black out drunk it still wasn’t right for them to leave me like that. Binge drinking may not be smart or a good idea but it is not a crime and it is not an excuse to be attacked or raped.

      • Noname says:

        @you don’t know me- stop blaming the victim. She did not ask to be raped.

        @noway- Most victims of rape often know their assailant, hence the term date rape.

      • Kitten says:

        @noway-I just disagree with you. Sorry but I just do.

        As I said on a prior post, I clearly remember my 7th grade health class teacher telling us how to spot signs of an abuser and how to avoid putting ourselves in a “dangerous situation” (read: how to avoid getting raped). I also remember looking around the room and seeing all the boys in the class doodling, daydreaming, or just generally checked-out. It’s like none of them had to pay attention because this was a “female problem” and it didn’t apply to them. Again, because the entire conversation was geared in a way that lectured and frightened all the young women in class, and allowed the young men to think that it wasn’t their problem because it’s a “women’s issue”.

        Except it WAS and IS their problem–it’s everyone’s problem.

        That was 25 years ago and I have no doubt that this is the same message being leveled at young women today. Yet 1.3 million American women will be victims of rape or attempted rape this year alone.
        What does that tell you?
        It tells me that what we’ve been doing so far: IT’S NOT WORKING.

        Because here’s the thing: as I said above, most women are raped by someone they know. How does telling a woman to cover her drink at a bar help her to avoid being raped by someone she knows and likely trusts?
        Answer: IT DOESN’T.

        It’s been said a million times by now but the myth of the stranger-in-the-alley rape is bullsh*t. More than half of female survivors reported being raped by a current or former partner and 40% reported being raped by an acquaintance. Only about 1 in 7 were raped by a stranger.

        So while you may think it’s “dangerous” to shift the discussion away from telling women what they should do to protect themselves, I strongly disagree with you—I think that it’s time for a change. Because as a society, the only avenue we have yet to explore is how we teach and socialize our young men to interact with women.

        Mostly, I don’t see what possible harm could come from spending more time educating boys and young men and less time lecturing girls and young women.

      • Wren says:

        The thing that strikes me about the whole “keep yourself safe” lecture is that if you take away the “…from rape” part and apply it to crime in general, the advice applies equally well to both genders. Let people know where you are, don’t go off with strangers, stay aware of your surroundings, etc. Why can’t we have that instead of making it a special Lady Problems lecture?

        That way we can free up that part of sex-ed for talking about consent and the different ways a situation can go wrong for both men and women and how to react. Talk about the icky gray areas that make everybody uncomfortable, learn how to ask for consent and what to do if it isn’t given, and emphasize that if you’re not sure then back off.

      • K2 says:

        @youdon’tknowme – if Brock had been drunk enough to pass out, and someone decided to anally penetrate him behind a dumpster, do you think Brock’s daddy would have felt that there was a net positive outcome, just as long as the rapist went around educating other kids on the risks of alcohol and promiscuity?

        Your argument basically boils down to: she’s to blame, because she didn’t ensure he raped some other girl instead. There is, always, someone more vulnerable. And the way to prevent that is to start teaching people not to rape. No, seriously, it is: that actually works, and it’s the only thing that does. Try googling Don’t Be That Guy Canada. It cut offending by a substantial margin inside six months… via a freaking poster campaign. Imagine what proper education in high schools on consent could do?

        In saying she wasn’t innocent because she was drinking you seem to miss the point: she was more vulnerable, but so what? How does that make her less than innocent? Are kids partly responsible for their sexual abuse because they’re easier to abuse? No? Then why are drunk people? Surely the punishment for abusing someone more defenceless should be greater, not lesser? His felonies referred to her intoxication as well as her being unconscious. Those were aggravated charges, not lesser. It was worse, not a plus point, that he chose someone so unable to defend herself.

        In India, rapists have justified attacks on women because they were on buses without male relatives, or they were alone. Women in India rarely drink and rarely engage in premarital sex. They still get raped. They get raped for the same reason other women are beaten: because the man or men feel entitled to do it, and because they can. And when that case in India happened, where the young woman was gang-raped and later died, some politicians in the immediate aftermath said that while she was of course a victim, she put herself at risk by being out at 10pm at night with a young man who was not her father or brother. (Her fiance. Who was almost killed himself, trying to protect her.) You do not cut offending by endlessly focusing on the woman. Because there will, always, be another victim, and another justification, because she isn’t the problem. She isn’t the criminal. By definition, she didn’t consent to the crime.

        We socialise kids to associate alcohol with fun. Then we tell the girls that if the boys use their alcohol-induced vulerability to rape them, that’s not solely the boys’ fault. And we tell the boys that, too. We even, on occasion, pretend that the victim of a violent crime, who did nothing more than misjudge their tolerance at a party, is akin to someone who did that and then chose to get behind the wheel of a car – as if simply being female and vulnerable is so tempting that the poor little rapist really can’t be blamed, and the victim should have known better than to choose to incite him. And then we are amazed how many such rapes take place.

        Or rather, you seem to be. The rest of us have done the simple mathematics already, it seems.

      • @ Anna
        100% agree and understand.

      • Die Zicke says:

        @ClaireB: you don’t necessarily have to talk to your son directly about sex. You can teach him to respect other people’s boundaries, like don’t touch someone if they ask you not to touch them, teach him to ask people if he can give them hugs, things like that. And make sure he knows he has the right to ask that other people respect his boundaries and don’t touch him without permission. As he gets older, you can make sure he realizes that respecting people and their personal boundaries especially applies to sex. Another method is to talk to him about real life examples, especially since he may here about these news stories online or from friends. You don’t have to go into detail, just ask him if he heard about it and explain to him why what happened was wrong.

      • Llamas says:

        I heard the little POS got his sentenced reduced. And he wants to appeal it because living in a country club is too much for the poor little snowflake.

        I’m so infuriated. I hate him, I hate his family, I hate the judge.

    • NotSoSocialButterfly says:

      @Esmom, I read it, and I felt it was still too soft on the father, because the father wasn’t trying to protect his son so much as trying to protect/ cleanse himself- his son being an extension of his father and his accomplishments, rather than a repentant young man asking for leniency . Narcissism, ugh. The leaf doesn’t fall far from the tree, no doubt.

      • vauvert says:

        ClaireB, I started younger than that (we have a beloved family member who is gay so at one point my son asked how come we have two men in this house and not one man and one woman) but after that it was an organic conversation. You can’t force it, really, and if you make it a “topic”, the kids (mine anyway) tend to shut off.

        I would usually start an innocent conversation like “how is Annie nowadays, you guys used to have playdates in grade 1″, he’d reply that girls aren’t interested in his activities, or that if he speaks too long to a girl the teasing begins, “you are in looove” or whatever… then I’d gently steer the conversation to “well, you’re probably too young for dating anyway, but some day you may like a girl, and when you do, I’ll be glad to talk about it”. Then out of the blue two days later he’d tell me that one of the boys tried to kiss Annie on the playground and she socked him (God bless, Annie!) and we’d veer into the whole consent discussion (seriously, this happened. That young. Scary. And I know the other kid meant it as kids do, but that’s when you stop and educate them.)

        I also use events and special days – St. Valentine, my wedding anniversary, Gay Pride to discuss relationships in general, focusing on examples from his parents’ life – we used to do this, I loved it when your father did that… they learn everything. When he discovered I had been married before we had some interesting talks about why a marriage may not work even when both people in it are nice and mean well.

        Which is a roundabout way to say that I never try to have a “sex discussion”, I think that doesn’t work very well because the kids get self conscious and embarrassed. When he came home from biology class talking about frogs or birds that was a great opportunity to talk about the mechanics, we always use proper body part names, and I have explained hormones for mom’s peri-menopause and how his growing brain is changing during teenage years… the biggest thing for me was to never make sex seem dirty or shameful or something to be hidden. Sometimes it’s fun and no strings, sometimes it’s about love and life long commitment, but it should always be approached respectfully, I guess. Again, sorry.. long long post!

      • Tiffany :) says:

        “Sometimes it’s fun and no strings, sometimes it’s about love and life long commitment, but it should always be approached respectfully”

        So well said!

      • Esmom says:

        NSSB, I hear you. I think the writer was softer than most would like because he’s a compassionate person. Unlike the Turners.

      • ClaireB says:

        @vauvert, thanks for your long, long post! Our best conversations have come about organically, so I think I will just have to wait and see what opportunities come up. We have started talking about the hormones that are changing in him to start turning him into an adult, and the mood swings that come along with them, and I’ve mentioned that sometimes when I’m cranky it’s because of my hormones. He does have a girl friend that I could probably ask about to see where I can get. It’s tough, because his 6-year-old brother is usually around listening, so he doesn’t want to open up too much.

        I have been working very hard at keeping the lines of communication open between us once I realized he was turning into a tween (!!), because his dad isn’t handling it well. I hope that’s enough to get us through!

      • vauvert says:

        ClaireB, we only have the one, so it’s easier to have one one one time… good luck with the tween brain – I swear some days he is just a sweet baby and others he is this sarcastic, arrogant, know-it-all teen that is driving me crazy! Now we just look at one another when he goes all moody and he says – oh, was that my hormones taking over and I laugh.

        I am also fortunate that my husband is very hands on and totally supporting when my son challenges my authority (he does it less with his dad) but I have lots of friends whose dads are not handling it well at all. (It puts a lot of pressure on marriages from what I see around me, I thank my lucky stars I am not in that situation) but, OTOH, he doesn’t talk to his dad at all about these things, just me. Go figure. He would never ask him about things like masturbation, condoms, sex or relationships, he comes to mom. And the talks can start from anything – like asking me to help style his hair with gel, and me asking what is going on at school that day or is there a particular reason he wants to look good…. and I always ask it with a straight face, no teasing, and keep my tone really casual and factual particularly when talking about sex.

        It also helps that their school started sex ed this year – our province recently updated the curriculum and we had a long discussion about it. He just told me last night that in his opinion starting this topic in grade 4 is too soon. I asked him why, and he’s like “mom, they are telling these kids about condoms! they don’t need to know that yet” so I had to remind him that a lot of children are not comfortable talking about it at home with their parents, and it’s always better to know more rather than less. I mean in their class (grade 6) they still had girls who did not know how and where babies come from (the stomach)!

        Ultimately, as you say, the important thing is to keep them talking to us. Ensuring that they know our home is a safe place, where they can be sad, tired, curious, angsty… when he gets moody and I warn him that he needs to control his reactions (not his emotions) at school he reminds me “hey, this is my safe place, you know I wouldn’t act like this anywhere else, but I do need a place where I can vent and let my guard down.”

        Last thought – it’s too bad that right at this age when they should begin to build healthy, respectful relationships with the opposite sex, society/peer pressure forces them instead to avoid girls or be teased mercilessly. We no longer have girls attending boy birthday parties and vice-versa. And at school functions they all gather around – boys with boys and girls with girls… which is what makes what we teach them at home even more important.

        I will start a conversation tonight about the whole JD/Amber situation and the Stamford rape case and I bet he’ll have a more compassionate, mature outlook on the whole thing than many of the horrendous comments (against the women) that I have read online. But it will help to impress upon him once again that consent has to be clear and sober in order to be valid, and that no matter what a woman does/says/implies/wears etc justifies violence.

  8. Who ARE these people? says:

    Hashtag “candid,” eh?

  9. Patricia says:

    I hope that after all this plays out in Court Johnny is not allowed to be alone with his children again until he gets help and is sober for a long time. What a terrible thing for them to witness.
    Bad enough for a grown woman to be subjected to this abuse, but then you have young children being around this?! Terrible. I wonder if Vanessa knew the extent of his behavior and if so why would she allow the kids to be with their father? If she didn’t know it’s just another good thing that will now come out of Amber’s decision to speak up.

    • lilacflowers says:

      The court involved in Amber’s divorce has no jurisdiction over the children. They are not part of this marriage.

      • Patricia says:

        Yeah I see how my comment was confusing in that regard. I just meant if it all comes to light hopefully Vanessa will stop being in denial (like she was when she wrote her PR letter) and take the necessary steps to protect the kids.

  10. D says:

    After reading the articles and the comments (not here, I’m thinking tmz and daily mail) about Amber Heard, it’s hard to have any hope for humanity . And then we have the Stanford scumbag and his scumbag father…it’s all so damn depressing.

    • Kitten says:

      I feel exactly the same way.
      All of this and the Trump presidential candidacy makes me want to hide under the covers with my two cats.

      • Tiffany :) says:

        I think all of the Heard/Stanford/Trump stories really impacted my response to Hillary becoming the presumptive nominee last night, and that it is 2016 and she is the FIRST ever female nominee from a major party. It just seems to late in the game. Generationally, women got the right to vote relatively recently.

        It seems we got rid of the idea that women are second class citizens decades ago…but equality still isn’t the reality in many ways.

      • Kitten says:

        I’m a Sanders-supporter and even I was moved by Hilary’s nom.
        Your last sentence though: so spot-on but so effin heartbreaking.

    • I Choose Me says:

      Depressing and exhausting. But this conversation needs to keep happening. The more we talk about it (Rape culture and its insidious effects) the more awareness will spread.

      At least I hope. I still have hope for the future, although it’s become increasingly difficult.

      • Kitten says:

        Indeed. I also wanted to mention that I was very heartened by the various responses from men on social media regarding the Stanford case.

        Baby steps but it’s still encouraging to see men GETTING it, you know?

      • vauvert says:

        Do keep up hope. Those of us who are raising sons are (hopefully) talking to them and teaching them, using these horrible situations as examples of what not to do, how to act and how to be like the two Swedes who intervened and rescued this woman instead of walking away. I always tell my boy that just not being a bad guy is not enough – if you see a situation that you know is wrong, take action. I completely agree with Kitten, the onus should never be just on the women to protect themselves – that is not enough. The men need to be aware, pro-active and I really hope that the young ones are growing up knowing better.

    • K2 says:

      At least most people seem to understand how horrific the Stanford situation is. That’s progress since Steubenville.

      Heard, though, makes me want to find an island somewhere and people it solely with actual human beings. Not sure most of the online commenters on this case qualify, frankly.

  11. Artemis says:

    Those hashtags on that picture though…why do people use these things to point out the obvious? #blackandwhite #travel? Yeah okayyy….
    It’s becoming a trend to have more hashtashs than an actual sentence, it’s hilarious and sad at the same time.

    • Kirbythekid says:

      While I agree some people over use the hashtag thing, its more likely to be seen by more people if you break the photo down into its elements. Im an artist who does a lot of nature/deer paintings and I have a huge hunting following, artist following, and nature/sustainable living following because I break it down.

      • Erinn says:

        This. It’s not supposed to be just a description – that’s how you get views in Insta- and holy crap it can be a powerful way to advertise. It’s definitely worth the effort.

      • THE OG BB says:

        I started an instagram where we my daughter and I take pictures of her toys (these things called tsum tsums) in different places and you wouldn’t believe how many followers and views I got just by hashtagging random things. Like flowers, trees, food etc.

    • ClaireB says:

      It does look ridiculous to those of us who don’t use Instagram or Twitter, though!

  12. bellebottomblues says:

    I find it hard to believe that the kids werent aware of his issues, and doubt that the Japan trip was their first exposure. Vanessa had to know too, and kids go home and talk to their parents, esp younger ones.
    Why wouldnt she protect them more?
    Dunno, money? Lots of money lol
    Hers is a book I would like to read, but I’ll prob be dead by that time.

    • siri says:

      Vanessa’s behaviour does indeed seem quite opportunistic . After 14 years together, she must know his moods/temper, and I’m sure kids talk about those experiences (given they are true).

      • Mira says:

        Opportunistic? How so? Maybe she is just protecting her kids or maybe he wasn’t an out of control drunk when they were together. That she witnessed his moods doesn’t mean she experienced what amber did.
        I dont understand why people feel the need to pile on Vanessa?
        If you are convinced he was like that with her too, then surely she is also a victim and you would have empathy for her too?

      • Kitten says:

        +1,000,000 Mira.

      • siri says:

        @Mira: There’ s a difference between protecting your kids and stating that the accusations made are outrageous. Which basically means, they aren’t true, or can’t be true. But in this particular discussion, we were talking about the flight to Japan wondering if the kids wouldn’t notice, and report to their mother. I never implied he was abusive with Vanessa, but there are plenty of informations he himself gave, how his moods and temper affected the outcome of his relationship with her. So yes, I do think she knows that.

      • says:

        If the man you knew, the man you used to loved, the man that fathered your children, the man that shared your life for years without being abusive was suddenly, in a messy divorce, accused of abuse, would your first reflex to believe it?
        I do believe that JD was violent toward Amber. That does not necessarily mean that he ever was toward/in front of Vanessa. Or in front of his kids.

      • Mira says:

        Being moody is not the same as being a DV perpetrator, lets be clear on that.
        I could be moody, depressed, whatever it does not mean i will throw stuff at you, kick you and so on.
        Her response was in direct response to the accusations of physical abuse. Not just a moody person. I agree that she shouldn’t have used the words outrageous like
        @ says it’s likely she will believe Depp and her kids ahead of Amber whom she presumably doesn’t know.
        I just dont see whats opportunistic about her statement, what exactly do you think she is getting from this? This woman has a career and money. She has a nice life in France and she is getting dragged into this mess of Depps doing. Theres absolutely no benefits for her in getting involved here.

      • siri says:

        @Mira: I can only repeat: I did NOT assume he was abusive towards her/the kids. The discussion started about the trip to Tokyo, where the kids were in attendance, so the question was if they wouldn’t have noticed, and talked about it with their mother. IF he was drunk and drugged on that trip, as the initial article suggests, I’m sure they’ve noticed. However, I also believe Vanessa knows much more about his erratic behaviour than she would ever admit. Why not? Maybe she would have to realize she herself tried to change him for many years, and didn’t succeed. Could be, she didn’t see in the beginning how deep he was into his addiction(s). Perhaps they even drank/used together, before she realized that for him it’s a different matter altogether…maybe, just maybe, she was in a similar position like Amber, hoping it will get better over time, but it didn’t. That doesn’t mean he was abusive, I’m talking about alcohol/drugs. She wants to make clear he was a completely different person while with her- for her sake I hope she’s right, but I have a hard time believing her.

      • Mira says:

        “I also believe Vanessa knows much more about his erratic behaviour than she would ever admit. Why not? ”
        Why would she say so in public , to what end game? This is why i said she is protecting her kids. You seemed to imply there was something more sinister at work, with the word opportunistic. I am simply saying as a mother her main concern would her kids. That is all.

    • Kweeny Kardashian says:

      Well sometimes men can be abusive toward their spouses but can be sweet and loving to their kids. I seen it happen.

      • Snazzy says:

        yup, my dad was like that. Used to beat up my mom but was amazing with me.

      • siri says:

        He probably was loving towards their kids, but we were talking about the kids experiencing his temper on that particular flight to Japan- wouldn’t the kids notice, and talk about it with their mother?

      • SilkyMalice says:

        To say nothing of their exposure to second hand marijuana smoke. This whole story kind of horrifies me. I suppose the children don’t know anything different – he is their dad and they accept him unconditionally. They probably think all dad’s act like this (hence the cycle of domestic abuse).

      • ClaireB says:

        What about the pilots’ exposure to second-hand marijuana smoke? I doubt they have a separate air circulation system. Sorry, that thought just struck me.

        If we’re trying to parse what the kids thing from two photos, the son (Jack?) doesn’t look so thrilled. The kids might be used to his behavior, or the abuse might have been less overt that they didn’t really pick up on or pay much attention to.

    • Lucy says:

      Depp himself has spoken about his rage and alcohol issues (many, many times over the decades) and how they played out in his relationship with Vanessa Paradis. He’s made some alarming quotes about how when he would lose it and go into a spiral, that she was very good at talking him off the ledge and bringing him out of it. So from his own words it appears she was invested in trying to fix him and that she had the ability to calm him down before his ‘episodes’ resulted in violence. There are lots of rumours about her putting various steps in place in order to hinder his access to booze. Of course his lifestyle with her was different to his lifestyle with Amber.

      It appears AH couldn’t or wouldn’t do that, and that her response to his episodes was the opposite to VP’s response (which is no criticism to her, quite the opposite, women should not be expected to ‘manage’ their partner’s rage/substance abuse episodes!!).

      But I can see VP looking at the situation and looking at the amount of effort she put in to talking him down, and getting dismissive or angry at AH for not doing the same. Maybe thinking, “well he just needs careful handling, if I could stop him why couldn’t she?” or being resentful that she had to spend so much time controlling and calming him.

      Plus she probably loathes AH anyway. And naturally she’d want to protect her kids’ father.

      I wouldn’t say she’s opportunistic but it’s worth remembering that Depp and Paradis were never married which does change things in the eyes of the law.

      • Lilacflowers says:

        What things? While marriage affects property rights, domestic violence laws treat married and unmarried partners equally.

      • K2 says:

        @Lilacflowers I think that was the intended point – that she has less room to level such accusations, and less room to leave, given she had no way of maintaining an oligarch lifestyle if she did.

      • Anna says:

        @K2: One more time, Vanessa has her own money and was probably outearning him until he started making the POTC paychecks. She has a very successful career in her own right and has since she was 14 years old. She had plenty of room to leave whenever she wanted to. And if what they say in France is true, she actually WAS the one who left him, not the other way around.

      • K2 says:

        Anna, I didn’t make the original comment; Lucy did. I was just indicating what I thought her point was, in terms of there being a marriage or not, because Lilac was questioning that.

        I have nothing at all against Paradis; in fact I think she’s conducted herself with absolute dignity through the split and beyond. I also think Depp would have married her in a heartbeat if she’d wanted that, in the early years at least. He’s the serial fiance with 2 ex-wives, and they had kids together.

        Having said that, I think the suggestion she was richer than Depp at any point is faintly comical, to be honest. She’s French. She was and is an almost solely local commodity.Sure, she had her own money, but it wasn’t in the same league as his – how could it be? France is a relatively small country and the local music industry a small one, too. Even a mostly indie Hollywood star will be richer. I think you overestimate how well local stars get paid in Europe. And by the time they split, he was rich beyond most people’s imagination.

      • The Other Katherine says:

        Whatever Johnny’s and Vanessa’s respective annual earnings may have been during their relationship, Vanessa’s current net worth is estimated at roughly $150 million, and she lives a relatively quiet lifestyle. FWIW, I don’t think she needs anything from Johnny at this point.

  13. TruthHurt says:

    I see Amber’s camp keep leaking lies. There is even a video from inside the jet and they were all having fun and singing. So sad there is so much blaming and shaming the real victim ( Johnny ) here. :/

  14. Spike says:

    Sadly, Depp’s son & daughter might be used to this behavior.

    Just an observation, but if you observe Amber & his son’s body language, his son keeps looking down – no smile, shoulders slumped. Amber’s head down towards Johnny. That could be interpreted as subservient. However they could also be tired from a long trip.

    The more star support he gets the more it is reminiscent of Woody Allen & Roman Polanski. The major difference, for now is that I don’t see pictures with or statements of support from women.

    • Anna says:

      You can probably say the same for almost any picture taken by paps of some celebrity kid. Judging from what others have said, the paps are not “tender” in the sort of things they yell out as questions in the hopes of a reaction. They could have had a stressful trip or they could have been hearing awful things from the people in front of them with a thousand flashes going off in their faces. Hard to judge from a photo which represents a miniscule moment of time without knowing what’s going on around them.

    • SloaneY says:

      Or, you know, they’re trying to walk downstairs with a bunch of cameras flashing in their face. Couldn’t be just looking where they were going.

    • Lucy says:

      I have to agree. I grew up in a very unstable and abusive home. You take things for granted and make excuses because sometimes things are more complex than they seem to outsiders.

  15. Kweeny Kardashian says:

    Weird how his kids were smiling in the fotos above. But I agree that Amber looked uncomfortable. I was Team Depp but now I accept that the abuse was real and she is telling the truth… Bummer. Depp is one of my idols. I still have hope he will see his errors and apologize to her and go to rehab ☹️

    • Flowerchild says:

      Like Spike above said the kids might be used to daddy drinking and acting crazy sometimes, so this might be normal for them.

    • Lucy says:

      They’re not, though. In one pic they’re all stone-faced, and in the other one of the girls (Lily?) and the woman in the yellow top appear to be speaking or laughing. It’s not like they’re just beaming away.

    • Brittney B. says:

      Thanks for being open-minded enough to accept the evidence as it came in.

      He was always one of my favorites too, but I truly don’t understand the urge to bury your head in the sand and believe all propaganda. Human beings are flawed, and as fans, we only know what they want us to know. I’m glad some of his diehard fans/skeptics are actually coming around.

  16. crogirl says:

    While I do believe Amber, I also think there is a great possibility he was a different person during his years with Vanessa. Kids sometimes hide parents’ mistakes, maybe they thought if they told their mother about his behaviour with Amber, she wouldn’t allow them to spend time with him and no matter what they love him. It’s hard to say, only those involved know the truth.

    • Jade says:

      He had huge commercial success during his partnership with VP and my take is that having his own children gave him a more concrete purpose in life and calmed him down. Nurturing and seeing children grow up and them being dependent on him may have softened him a bit. However, as soon as he grew older, got mixed reviews and flops, and his children grew up, maybe he truly felt like he wanted to go back to his rebel days to feel wanted or the reckless young again. Doesn’t excuse him but just a thought. Am with Amber. Yes it’s fact that she was arrested for violence but she is not here to be a perfect victim.

      • Kitten says:

        This is exactly how I think things played out as well.

        I have no trouble believing that Vanessa and Lily know a different version of Johnny.

  17. SM says:

    If this is true and I have not much doubt it is then it is Vanessa who should think twice now. Not only she allowed her kids around an abuse drunk man but she also publicaly backed him which sends a message that it is ok to be abusive to a woman to their kids then? This whole Johnny support team is making me sick

  18. Erinn says:

    Yeah I mean – blind items are always so full of truth, right? I mean – they’re never super generic to the point where they’ll notice people calling someone a gold digger and pick that up and go with it.

    And if he’s an alcoholic and a user – she would probably be a lot wiser controller of finances.

    Have you ever been to an airport? You must know that the kind of security in those places is ‘on it’. If they see anyone grab someone’s arm during a fight they’re going to be there. Amber 100% shouldn’t have lashed out like that – but it’s not entirely comparable to a man trying to smother his wife, or grabbing and dragging her by the hair, or hurling objects at her.

    • Miss S says:

      I don’t know what was the initial comment you are responding to, but your description of the kind of security we find in an airport seems really accurate. I’ve been in airports when something really bad was going on in the world at the moment and the tension was palpable, it was obvious that any altercation or noisy behaviour would be immediately reported. I feel that, even thought physical aggression should be taken seriously, Amber’s arrest is being taken out of its proportion and used to question her character.

      • Erinn says:

        wrong spot

      • Erinn says:

        aaand double. Sorry guys.

      • Luca76 says:

        Why must we minimize domestic violence in order to support Amber? Can’t she have abused Taysa and have been abused by Johnny. Why does the fact that she was abused by Johnny somehow make it an impossibility that she might not be a good person? If Johnny were arrested in an airport would you be so quick to assume it was a misunderstanding? DV is a serious issue in the LGBT community and it’s usually not taken seriously. Not by law enforcement and not by society at large, and not by even those that claim to be LGBT friendly.

        Roughly 35% of women in a same sex relationship are dealing with domestic violence as opposed to 20% of women in a heterosexual relationship.

        The fact is Amber might very well be a user, abuser, and manipulative. NONE of that gives Johnny the right to abuse her. Why can’t we afford the same standard to Taysa?

      • Miss S says:

        What you say might be true (about Amber being abusive), and I agree that if that’s the case it doesn’t mean she wasn’t also abused by Depp, but considering the PR context we are dealing with it seems to me that her arrest isn’t based at anything as problematic as her allegations towards Depp. I don’t think that it’s even the same standard because when we look at both past history Depp’s is much more complicated and documented as are the allegations. And Amber’s incident is being used against her so people say what you wrote “oh she hit her girlfriend in the past so it’s obvious she is messed up and manipulative”. Why would even her arrest say anything about her being manipulative?

        As a teenager, I hit a boy bigger and older than me once because he was teasing me while I was protecting someone else from him. I slapped him on the face and then he kicked me on the hip (I was bruised for more than a week). School workers saw what happened and I went to the director’s office and almost got suspended. Without any context anyone could say I was being the mean, sh*tty one who provoked him. If I had a history of being aggressive you could totally say that I was a violent, abusive person. That was not the case at all, just an isolated incident where I lost it while trying to correct an injustice. I made a mistake. But if that case was written on my student history I can totally see it being used against me later on when there was an incident where I was the victim. My comparison by telling this small story is that some things can totally be blown out of their proportion and induce us to come to precipitated conclusions. And that’s what I feel that is being done with Amber’s arrest.

      • Luca76 says:

        Why exactly does it seem to you that the accusations against Amber aren’t as problematic? She hit and grabbed Taysa in public. She wasn’t a high school student but an adult in an adult relationship. That’s a matter of record and she was put on probation and never disputed any of it in court. Now it’s true that Taysa never went public with her side of the story but to give Amber the benefit of the doubt in that situation is no different than giving any other male abuser the benefit of the doubt in any DV situation. Personally I’d bet if she hit her girlfriend in public in private the fights would probably be more violent (but I admit that’s just my opinion).

        As for the PR aspect. With all due respect you are whitewashing Amber in order to make her the ‘virgin’ in the virgin/whore dynamic. Thats still buying into the misogyny dosed with the erasure of Taysa as a non heterosexual victim of domestic violence. Abuse is abuse. Amber is both a victim of domestic violence and a perpetrator.

        We can defend Amber, we can believe her. We don’t have to deify her.

      • Shockadelica81 says:

        Sorry but being accused of grabbing and striking your partners arm in an airport packed with security isn’t the same as another person who’s accused of years of horrible violent attacks on their spouses. So let’s not act like it is. And Tasya has never claimed that’s she’s been abused by Amber. We don’t know her side of the story. And they’ve stayed friends after their breakup.Yesterday I posted that I thought this arrest was blown out of proportion by airport police/security who don’t play! And here’s an article from The New York Daily news confirming that.Not saying it’s okay to grab somebody’s arm but it it possible that the police overreacted too.

        “It was a very minor incident,” a source told the Daily News Tuesday. “It was not really a big deal and nothing came from it.”

        The source called the arrest by police at Seattle-Tacoma International Airport “a bit of an overreaction.”

      • Luca76 says:

        Thank you for that information shockadelica. I stand by everything I said. As we know many times victims of domestic violence stay with, defend, and befriend , and protect their abusers (i.e. Madonna and Sean Penn) even years after the abuse ends. I still refuse to dismiss the incident outright as being inconsequential.

      • The Other Katherine says:

        Deleted because posted in the wrong spot!

      • The Other Katherine says:

        OK, I give up, I seem to be having the same problem as Erinn with things posting in the wrong place. Will try again later….

      • The Other Katherine says:

        ETA: GAAAHHHH, still trying to reply to @Luca76′s comment about not minimizing same-sex partner violence. Oh well, I will just leave this comment here and hopefully the readers can figure out what I was replying to!

        All of that is well said. I too am taken aback when people dismiss any violent incident by saying things like “it was a misunderstanding” or “it was just the one time” or “oh, it was just a girl socking someone in the arm, I slap my husband on the shoulder all the time.”

        It *is* possible that Tasya is being completely open and honest — something trivial and non-threatening happened, like horseplay or a pretend punch, in an airport at a time when security was super-jumpy, and the people who detained Amber were also kind of homophobic and that played into them “making an example” of her. I also think it’s possible that Amber *was* abusive to Tasya, and either that Tasya still cares for Amber enough that she wants to defend her regardless or that Tasya has so internalized society’s minimizing attitude towards same-sex partner violence that she can’t name it as abuse to herself, let alone anyone else. Unfortunately, we the public will probably never be sure which scenario applied. Tasya didn’t provide enough details (which obviously she has no obligation of any kind to do) to really clarify what the behavior was that triggered the arrest in the first place.

        As you say, neither scenario has any bearing on when Amber was abused by Johnny, any more than whether Amber married him for money and prestige. Responsibility for abuse rests with the abuser, not with the personal failings of the abused. But we shouldn’t automatically assume that Amber’s DV arrest was no big deal because (a) she’s female and (b) the partner she was accused of abusing says nice things about her.

      • Shockadelica81 says:

        Yep.Yesterday I posted that I thought this arrest was blown out of proportion by airport security.

        “It was a very minor incident,” a source told the Daily News Tuesday. “It was not really a big deal and nothing came from it.”

        The source called the arrest by police at Seattle-Tacoma International Airport “a bit of an overreaction.”

      • Anna says:

        And why would you automatically think that? Unless you were there, you would have no way of knowing the severity of what went on.

  19. Sammy B says:

    What is her Twitter?

  20. siri says:

    What’s the name of this ‘former friend’?

  21. Danish says:

    People will believe what they want to believe, at this point all this is is gossip & that’s that. This isn’t a criminal case but gossip for the blogs & anonymous commenters. Very soon another BIG story will come along & this depp saga will just pass by like the rest. & this plane saga just seems odd cuz his children (daughter is defending him) were on that plane. If he was so explosive infront of his children, i’m sure he probably was explosive infront of vanessa but she says that wasn’t the case. Only depp & Amber know what the truth really is cuz at this point I believe no one besides official court documents which wont be filed & no real investigation will ever take place so like i wrote this depp/amber saga is nothing but gossip for media & soon enough people will lose interest in it & move on to the next big story.

  22. Lucy says:

    Funny how the press and Depp’s unquestionably very powerful PR people haven’t latched on to this…

  23. OpenFlip says:

    I doubt this story

  24. Jenni says:

    Hey she married him knowing all this. $$$$$$$$

    • C'est la Vie says:

      Really? I don’t think so.

      She knew he was going to abuse her to the point where she would be scared for her life? Hiding on a private plane in a bathroom on a jet to Tokyo from an angry abuser sounds pretty damn scary to me.

      Of course his kids, assistants and other members of his entourage had seen this before. He himself said Vanessa Paradis had seen him ragingly angry as well. Yet she defends now. Why?

      We’ve all watched his downward spiral. You know – the slurring drugged out abusive mess he is today. Years ago, I remember seeing him doing a promo on Oprah for his movie with Kate Winslet, while he was still with Paradis and he drank straight from a bottle of wine because he said he was really “nervous” to do the interview. There’s that whole self-medication angle again. Vanessa is an enabler at best as well as backing his abusive behavior at worst. As a formerly abused woman, I find that disgusting – she’s lying. It seems that she doesn’t give a damn about the safety of other women. I would never have said that about my ex, even if he tried to pay me. I would never want that to happen to another woman in my life.

      And it’s true, there is so much alcohol and drugs your abusive spouse can do before they start burning out their brains. You can actually begin to tell when the lights are on but nobody’s home. His public appearances are horrifying and he still has fans. So does Charlie Sheen for that matter. Yeah, they have a history of all different kinds of abuse, but people are invested in covering it up, because of the money to be made still. That’s why people seem shocked about Depp. It’s been hidden, yet still glaringly there under the surface. Think about all the damage Johnny Depp was doing to himself, long before he was Disney’s adorable Capt.Jack Sparrow. The fact is that Amber is the one who finally came out and told the truth about him yet somehow she’s pilloried and smeared. Over and over in the court of public opinion.

      Many wouldn’t have any idea of the depths to which he has sunk to, if Amber had not bravely come forward with her story, with evidence and witnesses to back her up. She’s not in it for the money believe me, she would have stayed with him and covered for him like Paradis. And yes, once an abuser always an abuser. He abused Kate Moss (remember to Google that) and he admitted to being a rageaholic with Vanessa. If that’s not abuse, what is? Of course his kids have seen him doing this before, in their own home. But Vanessa, like many others, is covering for him. Should I be horrible and put $$$$ signs there?

      Amber instead is trying desperately to get away from the man, who freely admits to being violent. In interviews, in public and now apparently on a private jet to Tokyo. What the hell was this poor woman supposed to do? Thank God she got away from him. He appears to be in a drug and alcohol infused free fall. What if he had smothered her to death, killed her like Phil Spector did to Lana Clarkson or yes, the infamous OJ Simpson trial. It’s obvious from the rape case at Stanford and the sentence the judge handed down, women are constantly on trial unlike their attackers. What a double edged and dangerous game it is, just to be a woman – even though it’s 2016.

      When will things change? When they start educating our society and from what I’ve seen I’m horribly discouraged. Why don’t they bring up these lessons in schools early and often. That’s what I think they need to do. Because the people who support Depp and his ilk are no different to me than the Stanford rapist’s father. Making excuses for dangerously ill predators, who are encouraged by our sexist culture to do so.

      • siri says:

        Thank you for this thoughtful comment! And I agree, even Amber probably would have covered for him if his PR wouldn’t have started their defamation campaign. I think she’s still trying to settle this out of court (hence no confirmed police report), and in the meantime I’m convinced Paradis covered as well. People don’t want to hear this, but unfortunately, it’s not even an unusual behaviour. It’s discouraging to watch the way this unfolds, with so many people still doubting any wrongdoing on Depp’s part.

      • K2 says:

        I agree. Really thoughtful comment, thank you.

    • JenniferJustice says:

      @Jenni from the Blockhead – Why would she know about any of it or be able to foresee any of it? And even if she did suspect of full-blown knew it all, do you really think that’s excuse to deserve it? Nobody deserves to be abused. Even if she knew and literally asked for it, as in “Hit me Johnny! I know you want to” , his acting on it is inexcusable, reprehensible, and Hello! Criminal. It is a crime to physically attack another human being – in this country anyway. Even if you ask someone to commit a crime against you, if the other person does in fact commit the crime against you, it’s still a crime. Asking for it need not apply. It’s a mute point anyway b/c everybody knows she damn well did not ask for it.

      You might as well go to the rapist swimmer blogs and stick up for that dick too!

      • SloaneY says:

        I think what she’s trying to say is that apparently the abuse was from the beginning of the relationship, before they got married, so why did she marry him anyway? She didn’t need a crystal ball, he was already allegedly hitting her.

        *just clarifying the op*

      • C'est la Vie says:

        Please don’t feed the trolls. I don’t think that poster deserves one more minute of thought.

        Just read some of the stories on this site. People here have suffered from DV or other forms of violence. There is never an excuse for that.

        And siri, thanks for getting my point. I liked the points you made as well. Nicely put.

    • ida says:

      sure jennie, sure…. honestly to all JD defenders out there who think AH married him for money.. when she met him he was not the second coming of hugh heffner but a HOT guy. it is not difficult to imagine to fall in love with him AT ALL back in the day. or do you think he always was so ugly that only money could garantee him a beautiful wife? WAKE UP. JD did beat his wife several times. period.

  25. Megan says:

    Johnny has really aged in the past three years. He must be hitting the booze and drugs harder than ever. Unfortunately, he has surrounded himself with enablers so I don’t see he coming out of this downward spiral.

    • JenniferJustice says:

      It is not just booze he’s hitting. I keep saying it, but I guess nobody beleives me – He hangs out with Marilyn Manson and Alice Cooper. They do heavy drugs. You don’t hang with heavy drug users unless you’re doing the same heavy drugs with them. Johnny’s teeth say it all – that’s either meth or crack! Some type of chemical passing over his teeth has rotted them in as little as 2+ years. Alcohol does damage the teeth over time, but the rate at which his rotted screams crack/meth. Is it so hard to beleive that he does that? It’s not to me. It’s the lifestyle he’s desperately been reaching for – he wants to be a hard core rocker – it’s all part of the lifestyle…the personna. He thinks its cool, makes him creative, rough, edgy, little bit scary. He’s not trying to be some pop music pretty boy. He’s trying to be a bad ass. Drugs are a big part of that and I dont’ mean pot. When Amber keeps referecing his use of alcohol and drugs, do people really think she’s talking about marijuana? He may smoke pot, but that’s not what Amber is alluding to. This guy does meth! It will come out eventually. When it does, I promise not to say I told you so.

      • mams says:

        Not Alice Cooper just FYI

      • Dlo says:

        When one drinks and becomes drunk, a few lines snorted or smoked of meth makes one “sober” so they can continue to party. Seen this too many times in my life. He may smoke pot, but that is to take the edge off of the meth, pot does not promote violence, the alcohol and speed do. Sadly I lived this as my ex used these, the abuse came with the alcohol alone or in conjunction with the meth. Thank the Lord that was over 18 yes ago, but some things still stay with me 😑

      • JenniferJustice says:

        You’re right. Not Alice Cooper. He has hung tight with Keith Richards and Iggy Pop but mostly Marilyn Manson, at least the last few years anyway. He does hard drugs is my point and pot is not a hard drug. It’s certainly not what’s making him violent or rotting his teeth. That is meth!

      • Noname says:

        It could be heroin or crack too.. they mess up your teeth as well..

        And Alice Cooper doesn’t do drugs anymore.

  26. Colette says:

    Well if she was abusive than he should be happy settle this divorce and get away from his abuser.

  27. ann says:

    Ok… so CB is clearly on ambers payroll, that much is obvious. They delete comments that are actually facts, you can Google it yourselves and find the short video clip of amber, jack, lily rose and her friend dancing and lip synching on the plane. It’s from a French blog and there were a lot more videos. Just search because we can’t link here. It’s disappointing but now it’s obvious jj and other blogs aren’t the only ones who accept money to write positively about celebs.

    • Megan says:

      @Ann – the obvious facts are that Amber presented evidence to a judge and was granted a restraing order. She has produced pictures of injuries. A text exchange with Johnny’s assistant begging her to take him back after abuse has been authenticated. I guess Amber needs to present another 1,000 pieces of evidence before you will believe she is telling the truth. In the meantime, I guess you will just smear anyone who believes her.

      • Jellybean says:

        The restraining order was precautionary and temporary pending a further hearing. None of the evidence can be taken as fact until it has been tested in court. Both sides are attempting to manipulate public opinion and both sides have gossip sites doing their dirty work. Both sides have a history of violent behavior and both admit to having a foul temper. Unless this goes to court I think I will just end up thinking the worst of both of them.

    • Brittney B. says:

      Moderating the comments and accepting hush money is nowhere NEAR the same thing. Unfortunately, money hasn’t motivated the hundreds of strangers rushing to JD’s defense in most comments sections — just good old-fashioned misogyny. CB is a rare site that understands the social harm it does to pick apart victims, and yes, they’ve been moderating to make sure THIS comment section isn’t a hostile and borderline abusive place for victims to share their stories. You have plenty of other websites you can use if you’d rather not engage in civil and compassionate and logical discussions.

      CB has published plenty of comments about the video. They’ve also published the clear-headed responses to those comments, which say this: singing/dancing and fearing your husband aren’t mutually exclusive. You can act fine one second and be an abusive monster the next, all during the same plane ride. In fact, it’s often the “happiest” moments that are the most fear-inducing for victims, because you *know* something’s going to happen and the flip will be switched soon. That’s how it is to live with an abusive addict. You know the best highs don’t last; they’re followed by lows that are just as low.

      • Kitten says:

        YEEESSSSSS! Tell them what time it is, Brittney B!

      • Emma - The JP Lover says:

        @Brittney B …..

        When did someone here at CB talk about the video from the Japan trip showing everyone singing and dancing? I don’t recall seeing it and wouldn’t mind a link. In fact, this would be a perfect article to discuss the video.

        @Ann, could you please try to link the video again? Thanks.

      • SloaneY says:

        There was a post about the video for a few minutes….

      • Miss M says:

        @Emma: I recall reading a comment someone mentioning the video early morning. Maybe it was removed, not sure.
        @Brittney b: great post!

      • Samtha says:

        Not to mention that it is a LONG flight to Tokyo. It’s not as if they were in that plane for twenty minutes.

    • CM says:

      Well, I will let my son know that we only need to remember that 2 minutes before his daddy rammed his head into the wall and gave him a concussion, we had been laughing and watching YouTube videos…

      Jeez, I get that not everyone has been in an abusive relationship before BUT just because JD’s kids were happy and laughing one minute doesn’t mean things didn’t go horribly awry the next. Such is the roller coaster ride of living with an abusive monster…

      Get a friggin clue

      • Cirque28 says:

        I’m so sorry that happened to you and your son.

        I used to say that between 2 and 6 beers, my ex was a great guy. He was irritable, tense and edgy before 2 beers. And after 6 beers, ANYthing was possible. But in the middle there– what a funny, lovely, intelligent human being.

      • Miss S says:

        “The worst about DV is that when your partner isn’t being aggressive he is the man/woman you fell in love with.”

        Read this on a different comment thread.

      • CM says:

        Cirque, ITA with what you are saying…although it was anyone’s guess how much alcohol was the correct amount for my abuser. I spent too many years trying to figure that out that magic number, never did come up with one

        Miss S, that comment sums it up quite nicely…because if they weren’t like that, you would never go back probably, unless forced too. I don’t know, it’s hard to say, but yeah, they can be their charming selves at points in time and it’s hard to reconcile.

    • pinetree13 says:

      That’s a dumb defense… LOOK THEY’RE SMILING! If they smiled that one time THINGS MUST BE FINE!!! Because I mean, you can’t enjoy the good times and suffer through the bad times, no no no no! We all know things are either GREAT all the time or MISERABLE the whole time.

      So what if there is a video of them dancing and singing? That doesn’t mean the whole trip was happy. What an incredibly dumb argument.

    • Shockadelica81 says:

      I’ve seen this video before and nobody knows where and when it was taken. And it doesn’t mean it was taken on that flight to Japan just because they’re on a plane! And they’re having fun so it must mean that nothing crazy happened on THIS flight?🙄🙄

  28. Net says:

    I feel like this relationship was, 2 over the top people got together, and they became explosive. I believe Amber gave as well. That said, these 2 need to stay far away from each other.
    No excuse for domestic violence.

  29. JenniferJustice says:

    Aha!!! So, you do drink, do drugs and and act an a$$hole in front of your kids. Thanks for the lies Vanessa…preciate it.

  30. Virgilia Coriolanus says:

    Lol–in those pics with the assistant in yellow, for all this time I’ve thought that was Vanessa………

  31. serena says:

    He seriously looked like another person in 2013, wow.. what alcohol does in a little time.. anyway, I wonder about this story. Would Depp really get violent in front of his own kids? I don’t think he’s at this level yet, but I totally believe all the other Amber stories.

    • Miss S says:

      I’ve read this story about two days ago and wondered about the kids. If this is true, maybe they were in opposite areas of the plain or maybe they are simply used to Depp being somewhat intoxicated that it does not scare them. If this was one of the initial episodes of abuse, maybe it was too much for Amber at the time, maybe she was surprised. You don’t need to be yelled at to feel scared. I say this in the context where someone is totally disturbed at the other person who is harming herself (Depp) and while not being able to stop that person she (Amber) decides to isolate herself so she doesn’t have to deal with it. Looking back at the texts I also read frustration on Amber’s side.

    • Capepopsie says:

      Yes he certainly would!
      Since he hasn’t been told that his
      abusive behavior is unacceptable, it
      becomes okay (in his own mind) and
      His family gets used to it.

      Everybody just wants to forget it and
      they are all waiting for the nice Johnny
      To return. Because that’s what happens.

      The low is followed by a high. But you
      can never “enjoy” those moments
      knowing he’ll flipp over any moment.

      Sad but true!

      • serena says:

        Yeah, but also ‘violent’ with Amber in front of the kids? Would he really kick her in front of them? I don’t know, this is just so ugly and depressing :(

  32. Miss S says:

    This was written by Amber’s friend who was on the phone when Depp allegedly hit her, the one who called 911. Apparently this friend was also the one who met Amber after Johnny tried to suffocate her in december.

    “I called 911 because she never would. Because every time it happened, her first thought was about protecting him. Because every time it happened, the sweet, loving man we all cared for so much would come back with apologies, profuse, swearing up and down that he understood how bad what he had done was, and swearing never to do it again. We all loved him, but especially, especially her, and she wanted to believe that the behavior wasn’t going to last.”

    • ida says:

      thank you for the link @miss s. this text is very moving in many different ways.

    • Dlo says:

      This is how they are, always I am sorry, even after getting hit in the head so many times I suffered a concussion it was I am sorry. Thank goodness her friend called!

    • siri says:

      Thank you for this. It makes the situation she was in very tangible. Thank god she’s out.

    • C'est la Vie says:

      Sounds heartbreakingly familiar to me – though the person who helped me get away from my ex was my sister. She never liked him, but he did fool my parents and I into thinking he loved us. I think abusers like that are actually (at least in my case) sociopathic. Remember it’s easy for someone like that to act sorry and loving – particularly when the abuser is afraid of the police being called, or when his whole perfect image of himself is being called into question. That’s what matters most to themselves. They don’t give a damn about their victim.

      If your abuser is attacking you, and smothering has been brought up here – that’s attempted homicide, right?! And she loved him. It’s tragic. Just like the bully and abuser that he is, he’s run away like a coward, hiding out, drinking as usual with his celebrity pals, while Amber is facing up to a smear campaign that’s truly unbelievable. Truly unbelievable, because he’s a liar, a coward and an abuser. There’s no doubt about that at least.

      Thank you so much for the story and link.

    • me says:

      At first i didn’t get this paragraph of her written:
      “I watched a woman with a broken spirit go on national television the next night, covered in makeup, smiling through a bloody lip, who nearly jumped out of her seat when someone casually put a hand on her shoulder because she didn’t know what was coming. ”

      And after i remember that a fan of Amber told me, that at the Late Show with James Corden Amber’s lip seemed swollen and went to check the pictures and yeah…her whole face looked swollen!!

      The date of that show was December 17, 2015 and coincides with infamous “december abuse” if anybody still had any doubts
      And yes, looking to the gallery she seemed somewhat broken at that tv show

  33. iheartgossip says:

    Must have been a large airplane bathroom. I’m over this story. Both sides are awful people.

    • pinetree13 says:

      First of all, private jets do have large bathrooms. Second of all, even the small ones fit people. Third of all, that’s nice that you’re over this story…yet you clicked on it and chose to comment.

      “Both sides are awful people” irrelevant. You can be an insufferable snob, rude person and still not deserve to be beat by your spouse.

    • tealily says:

      Oh hey, person who’s hid in a bathroom from an alcoholic partner over here! Not sure what’s so hard to believe about THAT part of it.

      • C'est la Vie says:

        Unfortunately nothing, says the person who used to lock herself into the bedroom away from her drunk and drugged out husband.

        Once it was at my sister’s and we were both in there.
        So he kicked a hole through the door. Yeah, he was a genius.

        Glad he did things like this though in the end. I had quite a few witnesses on my side. He had none. And he still didn’t think he did anything wrong, until the judge took my side.

        Apparently that finally got through to him. That’s what it took after years of abuse. Court. It’s not always fair, but in my case it was.

      • tealily says:

        I’m sorry you had to go through that too, C’est la Vie. Glad you got out.

  34. Joannie says:

    Why is she allowing her friends to splash her dirty laundry and perhaps his all over the media? This to me is a private matter and should either be settled between them or in the courtroom. No one is winning here. It’s disgusting!

  35. Sunny says:

    There is some serious hypocrisy going on in this thread atm. Just to be clear I support neither of these horrible people. Depp has always given me the creeps and this woman sounds like poison BUT you cannot rage about one persons history of violence as proof of everything under the sun and completely whitewash the others as not relevant and “ok” and “blown out of proportion”
    Is it because her violence was woman against woman you all think it’s ok? Are only men Horrible vicious abusers?
    Because she appears likely to have been a victim of domestic abuse in this case then everything she has done in the past doesn’t count for jack?
    You are all getting up in arms about how the media isn’t protecting her “victim status” and yet there is a queue of people here minimising the violence she carried out against her own victim. It sucks.
    Also just because someone has leaked some things that are obviously truth doesn’t mean everything her team says is. This one is pretty obviously not…..or is she such a terrible person she was quite ok hiding in the bathroom from a ranting dangerous man while leaving his kids outside to face it?

    • Miss S says:

      So do you think that what was reported to be the cause of Amber’s arrest to have the same gravity of what Amber’s allegations about Depp? I can condemn Amber and still feel that yes, her arrest is being “blown out of proportion” because it is used to make her less of a victim, to insinuate that she is a manipulating b*tch. This isn’t hypocrisy or minimizing what apparently she did, this is evaluating what we know about that incident (very little) against her allegations against Depp. An altercation with a partner, even if physical it’s not the same as months or years of insidious domestic violence and again, this isn’t about minimizing what happened but just being fair.

      EDIT: her ex gitlfriend just explained what happened. And claims that Amber wasn’t abusive AT ALL.

      • Sunny says:

        Sorry but it is hypocritical and it is minimising and the fact you can’t see that is concerning. Violence is violence no matter who the perpetrator. If a man had been reported to have done this you wouldnt be saying the things you are. Wether the incident is as reported or not is irrelevant to your initial response that her violence didn’t count.

    • tealily says:

      To add to what Miss S said, as serious as an incident that leads to arrest is, it does not preclude Amber’s own abuse. The discussion on this board is about what Johnny did to Amber, not about what Amber did to anyone else. How is the previous incident relevant right now? That’s like saying someone can’t have their house broken into because they stole a bike once.

      • Sunny says:

        I didn’t say she deserved to be beaten. Don’t put words into my mouth.
        What I said was it is hypocritical to judge him on previous violent behaviour and yet say hers is ok. None of this is ok . His violence or her violence. It is not the previous episodes relevance to the present case that I questioned. It’s not relevant. It is the people who seem to think because she is a victim of domestic violence she automatically gets a free pass for anything she may have done or will do. You can be a victim and. Perpetetrator. It is not ok to say her hitting someone IS ok.

      • tealily says:

        Don’t put words into my mouth either, I never said you said she deserved to be beaten. I guess I’m not seeing people giving her a free pass on here as much as I’m seeing people not finding the previous episode relevant to the current one. Yes, you can be a victim and a perpetrator, but you are are still a victim.

  36. KellzBellz says:

    So he drank too much and she got pissed and locked herself in the bathroom.

    Not abuse. This crap is diluting everything.

  37. Miss S says:

    Amber’s ex girlfriend Tasya denies that Amber was abusive:

    “In 2009, Amber was wrongfully accused for an incident that was misinterpreted and over-sensationalized by two individuals in a power position. I recount hints of misogynistic attitudes toward us which later appeared to be homophobic when they found out we were domestic partners and not just “friends.” Charges were quickly dropped and she was released moments later. It’s disheartening that Amber’s integrity and story are being questioned yet again. Amber is a brilliant, honest and beautiful woman and I have the utmost respect for her. We shared 5 wonderful years together and remain close to this day.”

    • Shockadelica81 says:

      I knew it! Airport security gone wild😆😆 I was waiting to hear her side. So now people can stop with the “See,she’s violent too” crap!

      • C'est la Vie says:

        So glad about this too.

        There is a wealth of evidence that shows that Amber is a victim of DV.

        If she was a stranger on the street and he hit her, kicked her, tried to suffocate her, can you imagine what would have happened to him?

        But she apparently committed the crime of loving and marring an abuser – so some blame her, not him for his violent attacks. Like I’ve said before, I cannot believe some people and our misogynistic culture of violence that actually blames victims.

        Please keep the links coming Miss S.

    • Miss M says:

      I am glad Tasya released a statement!

    • siri says:

      It’s a sick world when an abuse victim is victimized again. Just to get another abuser to walk free, and never face any consequences. You obviously can be dead, and they still ask you to prove the abuse. But I also think this is only possible when there are enablers, people who, for different reasons, can’t face the fact that a person they seem to know so well, or even love, does have a serious problem that THEY can’t solve. In this regard, it could be a lesson for all of us.

    • Anna says:

      Not being a smart*ss, but that really reminded me of what Vanessa said about Depp.

      • Mltpsych says:

        Where exactly? This was a statement in regard to a single incident where AH was detained for hitting her partner. Partner is saying it didn’t happen and all stories say charges were quickly dropped and she was released. Nothing in Tasya’s statement is anything close to what VP said in her statement but keep trolling away

  38. Wunderkind says:

    Not an Amber fan at all but I just can’t help feeling for her. She probably did get into the relationship with a degree of gold-digging/prestige seeking in mind, in my humble opinion – but she ended up in a bad situation and she’s now being punished by the public for trying to get out of it.

    Regardless of whether you that she’s a gold-digger, user, or manipulator it still DOES NOT EXONERATE JD OF ABUSE. Even if turns out that the physical abuse isn’t as severe as we were hearing, and it turned out to be just shoving here and there (which I HIGHLY doubt) it’s still unacceptable and, she was still subjected to emotional and mental abuse to such a capacity that she felt that she needed to desperately escape – knowing that the odds/press/public would be against her. She is the one that has so much to lose and she still went public – doesn’t that say something to the degree of abuse she suffered…whether it be physical, mental, emotional?