Simon Cowell reaffirms his heterosexuality after some dude claimed he was gay

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At least one person (?) has been repeatedly commenting and tweeting me about this story. And I’m not really sure why. The story is super-complicated and it’s about Simon Cowell and his sexuality, which… most people don’t want to think about that much. So, here you go Person Who Repeatedly Commented “I Can’t Believe You Aren’t Covering The Simon Cowell-Gay Story.” Without going too deep, there’s some kind of celebrity-tinged trial involving Tulisa Contostavlos, who is on The X Factor with Simon. Someone at the trial said (in open court) that Simon is gay and there are men who will verify that they’ve slept with Simon. Scandal! Or not so much. Simon’s people released a statement about it:

Simon Cowell has released a statement reminding everyone that he’s straight after it was suggested that he was gay in a recording played in a UK courtroom last week. In the taped conversation, fellow X-Factor judge Tulisa Contostavlos’s personal assistant, Gareth Varey, tells a man identified as Mazher Mahmood that [Simon], 54, is gay, explaining that he knew because, “I know people who have,” reports E! News.

“Simon was referred to during the trial without forewarning, resulting in widespread media coverage of untrue claims regarding his private life,” a statement from the television producer’s lawyers said. “In 2014 the question of whether someone is or is not gay is antiquated. (As it happens he isn’t, though if he were, he would simply have said so).”

The statement went on to say that Cowell addressed the suggestion only because he takes his reputation as someone who is brutally honest very seriously.

“However, the issue was the false suggestion made by Mr. Varey that Simon—who is renowned for his honesty and candidness—had thus not been truthful in the public arena and this is what we have been obliged to clarify,” the statement added.

On Wednesday, Varey released a statement apologizing for the insinuation.

“At some point and utterly out of the blue Mahmood asked me if Simon Cowell was gay. I said he was,” he said in the statement. “This is not true. I do not know why I said it, but assume it is because I was so drunk and felt that I was giving Mahmood the type of information he was seeking. I am very sorry for this.”

Once known as a notorious bachelor, Cowell has finally settled down with Lauren Silverman, who gave birth to the television personality’s first child, Eric, in February. The couple recently purchased a $10 million luxury apartment on the Upper East Side.

[From Page Six]

So, that’s the story. Here’s what I think: Simon is telling the truth. If he was gay, he would be gay. He would sleep with men. He would have a harem of men, openly and honestly. But he’s straight. He has a harem of women, ex-girlfriends and ex-fiancées mostly. He’s so straight, he had a torrid affair with a friend’s wife and got her pregnant, then paid off the husband to clean up his mess. That’s pretty hetero, you know? Anyway, I think Simon’s statement was pretty much as good as it gets. Simon doesn’t have an issue with homosexuality or gay people. He’s just a heterosexual man. (Plus, I seriously doubt the gay men want him. He’s a mess.)

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30 Responses to “Simon Cowell reaffirms his heterosexuality after some dude claimed he was gay”

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  1. Josefa says:

    Reading something about Simon Cowell’s bed affairs right after having breakfast was the worst decission I’ve made in a long time.

    • Mel M says:

      So gross. His top half does not look like it belongs on his bottom half. I couldn’t sleep with that man for all of the money in the world. How does she do it??

      • Ag says:

        alcohol and/or tranquilizers?

      • Belle Epoch says:

        How does she do it? Visualizing gold ingots and thousand dollar bills in multi million dollar homes… No I could not go there for any amount if money!

  2. aims says:

    I think he’s straight, because a good gay man would know that leaving your shirt unbuttoned as he does would be tacky and tasteless.

    • Sassy says:

      Don’t forget the out of style, too long jeans and pointy toed cowboy boots. No self respecting gay man would be seen like that.

  3. Ag says:

    i don’t know why i clicked on this story. now i’m slightly nauseated after seeing his open shirt and thinking about him and “sexy times.” but it serves me right.

  4. TheCountess says:

    Or he’s bisexual.

    • Belinda says:

      Why would he lie about being bi though? Its not like he couldnt continue having a very lucrative career as a talent show judge as an openly bi/gay man. Now if he were an actor of the Leading Man variety or a country music singer then sure, that would make sense. This doesnt.

      • TheCountess says:

        Unfortunately, there’s a lot of bias against bisexuality. You see it a great deal in how the media always reports someone as either/or in sexuality, instead of *ever* considering something more fluid. I’ve dated several bisexual men and none of them lived it openly. They self-identified as “straight.”

    • Camille (The Original) says:

      I could buy that he’s bi.

  5. GoodNamesAllTaken says:

    Gay men the world over breathe a sigh of relief.

    • kri says:

      That mid-part hair. The man cleavage . The boot cut jeans with a slight flair. The lady hips. The lack of button usage. I could go on, but I am starting to cry. No gay man would let that sh*t near him. He’s straight.

  6. Fan says:

    My gaydar has always said Simon is gay. No question about it.

  7. Kiddo says:

    The story is super-complicated and it’s about Simon Cowell and his sexuality, which… most people don’t want to think about that much.

    Again, hilarious and true. That’s why I won’t read any further.

  8. Kim1 says:

    I don’t believe Simon is Gay .If he was Gay or Big I believe I would have read about an ex or an encounter on Gay gossip sites I.e.Bradley Cooper,Clooney,Travolta.

  9. Sarah says:

    Frankly, Simon has always seemed the type to me that would sleep with anyone or anything as long as it was all about Simon. I think he is straight, but it wouldn’t surprise me at all if he has had an “experience.” And ick…. why are we even talking about Simon Cowell having sex?

    • jensies says:

      +1 to all of this.

      I can totally see him hooking up with some dudes every now and again. Maybe he’s just pretty fluid. Regardless of his preferences, I think it’s pretty gross that people are still being called out for being gay/bi/whatever with the expectation that the rest of the world will find it so disgusting. Let people bang who they want to bang. -1 personal assistant guy.

    • MinnFinn says:

      +1

  10. Sue says:

    If Simon is gay, he deserves an academy award for his acting ability.

  11. lucy2 says:

    “who is renowned for his honesty and candidness” yeeeeahhh…Lauren Slverman’s now ex-husband might disagree on that one.

    I don’t think he is, but I find it funny they tried to be so blase about it when they could have ignored something no one cared about anyway. Nothing says “I don’t care” like a public statement from a lawyer.

  12. Bella bella says:

    He looks so gross! How is he so rich?

  13. Francis says:

    I believe he’s Bi-
    Why else would he panic over the person saying he was gay? When he ignores everything usually said about him.
    Also the baby mamma drama, w husband !I always wondered if that was a secret ménage ,triangle gone wrong and she decided she wanted Simon.
    I believe he’s Bi.
    Still it’s his business, no one should be blasting it either way.