Hugh Hefner & Crystal Harris’s marriage is troubled because he’s old, boring

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New Year’s Eve will be Hugh Hefner and Crystal Harris’s one year wedding anniversary. Are you surprised by how quiet their first year of marriage has been? I’ll admit that I’m surprised. Crystal is, after all, the runaway bride who ditched Hef just days before they were supposed to get married the first time. At that point, she was banging Dr. Phil’s son and I think when that relationship petered out, she went crawling back to Hef, who took her in and married her. Because maybe she was the only person in the world who knew the perfect temperature for his SOUP. Anyway, surprise, surprise, Star Mag claims that a 27-year-old and an 87-year-old don’t have much in common and their marriage is plagued with problems:

The third time is not the charm for Hugh Hefner – his marriage to Crystal Harris is in trouble! Hef, 87, is boring his 27-year-old wife with his hermitlike behavior.

“Hef is in his PJs all day and never wants to go out,” a source tells Star, adding that the couple’s nightly routine consists of dinner at 6 pm, followed by watching TV in bed.

“For special treats, Hef will play Dominos or put on Crystal’s favorite movie, The Little Mermaid, but he’s usually asleep before it’s over.”

[From Star Mag, print edition]

My favorite detail? Crystal’s favorite movie is The Little Mermaid. I mean… I think a lot about the casual ways in which society infantilizes grown women, but we also need to talk about how some women infantilize themselves. “Here, baby, I’ll put on your favorite movie, The Little Mermaid, and that will be our quiet night in the Playboy Mansion.” EW.

Surprisingly, a spokesperson for Playboy actually bothered to deny this to Gossip Cop, saying: “There is no divorce looming, and they are both enjoying married life at the Mansion.” Here’s what I wonder: I know Hef always made his “girlfriends” abide by a curfew, but does his wife have a curfew too?

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Photos courtesy of WENN, Fame/Flynet.

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79 Responses to “Hugh Hefner & Crystal Harris’s marriage is troubled because he’s old, boring”

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  1. Eve says:

    “Hugh Hefner & Crystal Harris’s marriage is troubled because he’s old, boring”

    Nah. He’s just not paying enough.

    • Jacqueline says:

      Once you buy the cow, isn’t the milk free?

    • blue marie says:

      Ha, you know she’s riding that train till it ends. Gah, gross!
      Her favorite movie is The Little Mermaid, as if the age difference isn’t enough let’s add a creep factor to it.

    • Bridget says:

      When they ended up getting married after thewhole ‘runaway bride’ debacle, two things were very, very clear:
      * Hugh Hefner doesn’t want to be alone
      * he was willing to financially make it worth her while to agree to stick around to the end.

      While I don’t doubt that she’s occasionally obligated to have some viagra fueled sex with him, I think she’s his companion for his final years, and this way she’s financially secure and now is married to a ‘name’ and he gets to look like a playboy (see what I did there?) even at 87.

      • Florc says:

        Info has leaked out about what happens at the mansion. Weekly the girls are required to all meet in his bedroom. The #1 girlfriend or maybe in this case wife is the last one to go. My point is even with a wife he still has girls willing to do whatever to get ahead. Crystal made her bed and should save every penny she can. He won’t be around much longer and playboy isn’t what it use to be. She won’t get much.

      • Bridget says:

        @Florc – I’ve wondered if that’s the case anymore, because the one thing the Playboy people keep trying to hide is how OLD Hef is now. He want from being ‘up there’ to a truly old man.

      • mayamae says:

        Florc,

        You left out the best part. He lays there, without a condom, and they jump on him one by one. All after a viagra of course. I can’t even imagine how many stds have passed amongst these girls.

      • Florc says:

        I do know the details. I just wasn’t sure how much I could put in a comment and still have it be ok for the site.
        Hef is a creature of habit to an extreme. He eats the same meals in the same order every day. He will only eat a handful of different items on set occasions. Nothing new is ever introduced. And his bedroom habits are always the same. Girl after girl will line up (menstration is no excuse to sit out). Crystal knew all of this. If she hated it she could leave. She was upfront before saying she hated that he was still with other girls so he married her so she would feel secure with him.

        And i’m sure all these girls have whatever std’s hef has.

  2. eliza says:

    Imagine a 27 yr old being bored with an 87 yr old. Who would have imagined that would happen?! ::eye roll::

    Hef definitely needs a visit to the dentist. At the very least, some Crest strips.

    • GoodNamesAllTaken says:

      I know! I was stunned to read it wasn’t working out.

      He disgusts me. He deserves a lonely end to his shallow, seedy, superficial life and it sounds like he’s getting it. The only thing that’s ever mattered to him in a woman has been her outward appearance. So take out your teeth, put up your feet and watch The Little Mermaid, Hugh. Again.

    • Evelyn says:

      It looks more like 40 year old being bored with an 87 year old. If she’s 27 I’ll eat my hat

    • VioletCrumble says:

      I agree. What is WRONG with this girl???

  3. DanaG says:

    Would anyone be surprised if it was in trouble LOL She probably watches the Little Mermaid while Hef has his nap. I have no idea why he even married her I know why she married him.

  4. Frida_K says:

    She only needs to hold out for a few more years; surely, unless she’s not well-situated in the will, her loss of a few years of her youth will be compensated?

    Ugh.

  5. NewWester says:

    So Crystal married someone old enough to be her grandfather and now she says she is bored? What did she expect they would do together? Skydiving? Long distance running?

    • Petee says:

      Agreed.What did she expect?She is just a gold digger praying on a old wealthy man.You get what you sow.

      • deanna says:

        It’s sad to think that these ladies don’t realize how valuable their time is. They fritter away their ability to live in a free way.

  6. brin says:

    File this under “DUH”.

  7. Flora Kitty says:

    If Hefner lives as long as his mother she’s got about another 13 or so years. Grace Hefner died on March 20, 1997 aged 101 according to the New York Times.

  8. paola says:

    I’m still pondering which one out of the two grosses me out more. I can’t find a winner.

  9. Chibichichai says:

    Cue the I regret not marrying Holly in 3…2…

    • Petee says:

      Good one.He should have married Holly.At least she seemed to care about him.

    • TheSageM says:

      I bet he regrets it every single day. The fool thought he could do better. As the saying goes “there’s no fool like an old fool”.

    • lunchcoma says:

      Oh, I bet he does regret it. But I’m kind of glad Holly got out of that life. She seems happy enough with her new husband and her baby, and I don’t think Hefner would have given her that.

    • gogoGorilla says:

      I don’t think so. Holly wanted a child and he didn’t. I think this is a more of a business/companionship arrangement than anything. She gets some money, he gets to have a young chick on his arm.

  10. tiki says:

    i’m thinking ‘the little mermaid’ is crystal’s pet name for hef’s dong. it’s tiny and it wants to stand erect but just can’t.

  11. crab says:

    I couldn’t even imagine kissing him let along screwing him!! GAWG!!!!

  12. Aussie girl says:

    You know what it’s nice to visit your grandpa but no one wants to hang around with him 24/7.

  13. feebee says:

    Well, DUH!

  14. Mandy says:

    Wow, what a shocker.
    I just still can’t get over the fact that this man was 60 YEARS OLD WHEN SHE WAS BORN!!!!

  15. murphy says:

    This is not news, anyone who watched one episode of GND would know that about Hef.

    • Apsutter says:

      Yup, it was made very clear that Hef is a total homebody. Wasn’t his favorite activity having movie nights with the girls?

  16. Babblerouser says:

    She is with him for the weekly allowance and the payout she will get after he dies, not because she is in love with him or finds him interesting which we all know. So why would the marriage be in trouble because he is old and boring? She knew that was the deal. I am sure she has duties at certain times and then has limited freedom the rest of the time. I am sure she has a curfew like others had in the past, and she has to be really discreet with her affairs and partying but it is definitely happening.
    The thing i thought was weird is her halloween costume as Miley Cyrus- it was a really covered up version of Mileys outfit. Seems strange for a playboy bunny to wear a more modest version of Mileys mtv outfit. Maybe she is gaining weight from being a bored housewife/nurse

    • Sassy says:

      Perhaps she thinks of her marriage to Hef as a job- with a big bonus coming. If she is smart and invests her $$ she will never have to work a day in her life. Lots of women stay in financially rewarding marriages that are not particularly “happy marriages”.

    • Kimberly says:

      I remember some of the girls saying that he’s kind of cheap (compared to what other rich men give their young gf’s). I doubt her allowance is even that great. I heard he usually gives his girlfriends; a new car, $1,000 a week, and one or two plastic surgeries of their choice. Even if her allowance went up since getting married, I doubt it’s enough that she could put some away (after spending money on clothes, bad hair extensions, etc.).

      • lunchcoma says:

        $1,000 a week? I’m surprised. Not that it’s anything to sniff at, but I would have imagined that the sort of women he wants to be involved with could make that much or close to it working as cocktail waitresses, etc., without having to put up with curfews and rules and duties.

      • VioletCrumble says:

        Pfft. My daughter is younger than her, works in an office and makes more than double the purported $1000 per week. Operative word: WORKS.

    • Shoe_Lover says:

      I don’t think she’ll be getting that much.
      I don’t know how i know this, maybe it was in a magazine or something, but Hef isn’t that rich. I mean compared to us he is rolling in it but compared to other Hollywood figures he isn’t.
      I read he is only worth about $60 million and he only owns Playboy Magazine out right. Everything else, even the house, is owned by Playboy Enterprises. he even has to pay rent on the house. When he dies, Crystal does not get the house and will have to move out. The magazine goes to his kids and the money will be split between his kids. I think Crystal is getting very little in the end so while i read he has bought her a house i don’t know that she’ll be getting much else.

  17. Ann says:

    Please, a 27 year old woman and an 87 year old? A “marriage”? Goes to show how women’s status in the world is still inferior as long as we see “marriages” with women “marrying” men decades their senior. Sex with a man old enough to be your father /grandfather must be revolting.

  18. Debbie says:

    Whaaaaaaaaat? I thought these two crazy kids would be in it ’til the end!

    Seriously, Crystal. How long can it be? Suck it up. (None of the preceding was intended as double entendre.)

  19. Madriani's Girl says:

    Interesting. Several years ago it came out that he CAN’T have sex and hasn’t been able to for years.

  20. Chinoiserie says:

    There is nothing wrong if you have Little Mermaid as your favorite film.

    • Apsutter says:

      It’s just weird and kind of sad. Sure I love DIsney movies too but now that I’m an grown woman my tastes have matured and I like to watch tv/movies that are more intellectually challenging.

  21. Kimberly says:

    More than likely, in the end she’ll end up like Anna Nicole Smith. Hugh will give pretty much everything to his sons and charity, and she will get very little or nothing at all. Apparently, he’s not even that rich. I remember reading a few years back that he doesn’t own the playboy mansion, and that his share in playboy isn’t that big. I don’t feel bad for either in this situation, both of them are pathetic and shallow.

  22. KellyinSeattle says:

    Wow, didn’t see that one coming ! She knew he was old when she married him!

  23. Tiffany says:

    I think to shocking thing is they are still sticking to her being 27.

  24. Ok says:

    What I think is interesting is how many posters are “this is so disgusting”

    But when Patrick Stewart married his young bride, everybody was like “awwwww he is soooo cute and they look sooo happy”

    Now granted, there was less of an age difference. But I just find it interesting.

    But I do think Hef is gong to be around for awhile yet.

    • Debbie says:

      I think Patrick Stewart and wife are cute because he’s funny, smart, and extraordinarily talented, and she obviously has a sense of humor (and probably a brain, else she wouldn’t “get” him) and — just judging from what they do and how they act together in public — he appreciates her for those qualities (as well as her more tangible assets, no doubt).

      Hef had a vision and ambition and drive, but I’m not quite sure about his brains — and he never seemed much for appreciating a woman’s inner qualities. And Crystal? Psssh.

      • Virgilia Coriolanus says:

        Plus his wife is 35, and doesn’t act like a teenager (at least in public). And she didn’t dump him before their wedding, then make the media rounds talking about how gross he is, and then turn around and MARRY him. Also, Patrick Stewart doesn’t have a mansion full of young, blonde, half naked girls at his beck and call. If Hef had married Holly Madison (I think that’s her name–the one who named her baby Rainbow Aurora), who actually seemed to care about him–then I’d be on here saying there’s an ick factor, but she seems to love him. And if he doesn’t mind being used for his money (which is what this is), why should we?

        It reminds me of this episode of ‘Scandal’. A father who built his million dollar company from the ground up, all by himself, all of a sudden quits going to work, divorces his wife of 40 something years, and shacks up with a twenty something blonde southern girl. His kids wanted him to be declared because they said he would ruin the company–because he was asking like a 20 something. However, the reason that he did all that was because he was the one who had to be in charge all the time. He never had anything for himself (that’s what he said)–everyone depended on him. He wasn’t happy. Well now he was.

  25. Bobby the K says:

    So is his magazine.

  26. Maggie says:

    Necrophilia doesn’t last. How shocking!

  27. Immy says:

    I’m 26, will be 27 in March.
    The thought of having a “husband” that old seems downright sick and wholly unnatural!
    What did she expect…she married someone old enough to be her grandfather!

  28. SuSu says:

    really? I didn’t see that coming. Both are so young and in love.. and their marriage has nothing to do with money :-)

  29. Paloma says:

    Hef’s mother lived until 102 years of age. He could be around another decade. She is in it for financial security, IMO.

  30. Mrs.Martin says:

    All I can think about is a line from an Adam Sandler movie ..I think it’s Big Daddy ..?? ….”old balls”……

  31. Blackbetty says:

    I’m also almost 27 myself and this makes me want to barf!

  32. Gorgonia says:

    First of all, as I’m new to this site, hi to everyone here.
    87 years old sugar daddy Hef is boring? Oh, what a surprise, I thought he was going partying every nights!

  33. kirsty says:

    Shut the front door – marriage in trouble?? She just comes across as some vapid ghastly wannabe and he is just a disgusting human being. But really, both are clearly equally deluded and in it for themselves. i mean come on darlin’, he was never going to be Benjamin fricking Button!

  34. Meggin says:

    What a moron she is. When you marry an 87 year old man you don’t expect it to be wild parties every night until 3am. The fact that a grown woman’s “favorite” movie is The Little Mermaid is kind of ridiculous. Don’t get me wrong, I love Disney as much as anyone but come on…

  35. homegrrrral says:

    He bonks in a condomless viagra coma. The mansion reeks of dog pee and stale pink panties. I’d say, yes, trouble in misogynist paradise.

  36. str8shooter says:

    I had NO idea this girl was an archeologist!! I hope she wins some sort of Nobel Prize for unearthing this fossil

  37. Happyhat says:

    Awww man…I’m really boring, this sounds like a marriage I can work with. And I love The Little Mermaid!