Linnocent’s crack lips star in an art film: a brilliant, postmodern masterpiece?

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This video might be my new favorite Linnocent thing, replacing those “SCREEEEEE!” Kraken photos from the other day. I remember hearing something about this a week ago – Linnocent “acted” in a short “art film” for artist Richard Phillips. Because at this point, Linnocent just says “yes” to every offer she gets. Hey, Linnocent, do you want to do some blow? YES. Linnocent, will you appear in this cheesy art film? YES. Linnocent, will you accept responsibility for being a crackheaded trainwreck? NOOOOO!!

Anyway, this is called a “psychological portrait,” inspired – I kid you not – by Jean-Luc Godard’s “Contempt” and Ingmar Bergman’s “Persona.” The artist, Richard Phillips, said in a statement, “Lindsay has an incredible emotional and physical presence on screen that holds an existential vulnerability, while harnessing the power of the transcendental – the moment in transition…She is able to connect with us past all of our memory and projection, expressing our own inner eminence.” Translation: that beej was AMAZING.

Ew. Look at her crack lips. ZOMG, CLOSE YOUR MOUTH.

By the way, I think the photos I selected are WAY more artistic.

Thanks to Yeeeah for the lead!

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Photos courtesy of WENN & Fame.

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71 Responses to “Linnocent’s crack lips star in an art film: a brilliant, postmodern masterpiece?”

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  1. flounder says:

    I think the video was very sofia coppola. I hope L gets it together..she really is a beautiful girl.

  2. Melinda says:

    Uhhhhhh, what the hell was that besides totally hilarious?

  3. Lisa says:

    She’s my age and our b-days are only six days apart but my God she looks so much older. Crack is wack

  4. mzjask says:

    this has GOT to be my favorite LL post

    Kaiser – those pics!!! YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!
    roflmao

  5. really says:

    crack lips, crack mug, crack hair, crack life….. just aa big disgusting blob of CRACK!

  6. KJ says:

    It’s an interesting concept if you look at it as a new kind of portraiture. Instead of a still photo, you see the subject in motion – her mannerisms, the way she walks and breathes. That’s a pretty cool idea.

    That said, why the FUCK would anyone choose LL? I never trust LA based artists. They’re usually just as concerned with celebrity as the rest of everyone around them. And to me, that’s not art.

  7. Kimbob says:

    Wow…that video blew me away…NOT!!! WTF?! Yeah, that took real talent.

  8. brin says:

    Crackadelic (2011 edition of psychadelic).

  9. Boo says:

    That director had a tough job:

    Okay, Linds…stare at the camera! Now, turn your head. NO, SLOWLY. Atta girl. Now. Stand still. Very good. Blink. BLINK! With your EYES! Yes, that’s right. Swim in the water. Yes, the water. Don’t forget to hold your breath! Now blink again. Great job!!!

  10. Hautie says:

    Will she ever dye her hair back down to auburn?

    Because that tragic blonde mess is horrific. Even with good lighting. It looks like a reject wig of Rupaul’s, from the early 1990′s.

  11. Leigh says:

    I hear SCREEEEEE in my head every damn time I see the kraken/ocean photos, and I snort with laughter without fail.

    @Kaiser
    Thanks again for the mental image, its priceless

  12. gabie says:

    What’s the point of this video? Advertise for the product called : Lindsay Lohan? This product is already expired…

  13. Runs with Scissors says:

    @Melinda:
    “Uhhhhhh, what the hell was that besides totally hilarious?”

    agree completely, loved it, especially considering how much depth he tried to give her in the write up, this must be a joke of some kind??

  14. Jackson says:

    Oh, dude got more than a BJ to write up that promo piece. Can you say backdoor? She probably washed his car for him, too.

  15. djork says:

    When her silhouette reached up to touch her giant face on screen, it’s sort of like in The Ring when Naomi Watts plucked that fly off that video monitor.

  16. really says:

    pathetic ………cracklife!

  17. mins15 says:

    If that is art then I am anti art.

  18. RocketMerry says:

    Oh. My. God. It’s as if there’s nothing, absolutely NOTHING inside her head. That vacant stare in her eyes…
    You know, part of the greatness of actors and actresses is that they can achieve some sort of abstraction and be sort of empty-headed when acting at some times, therefore being far less self conscious than us normal blokes. Lindsay, however… she’s just not there. Ever. She’s away, who knows where. Sigh.

  19. HotPockets says:

    I love your collection of Lindsay the Cracken candid moments in time, much more artistically realistic than this video.

    House Arrest seems so terrible, how dare the California legal system!

  20. Murrie says:

    That looked more like an ad for Linnocent than an “art piece”.

    Like, “Ooooh, I’m so in touch with my inner self, it’s just so amazing. And here’s an art video to show just how amazing I am. And you should think I’m amazing, too.” All in a breathy voice.

    Gonna hurl.

  21. Bam says:

    I never noticed how lop-sided her face is before.

  22. Quest says:

    You would have had me as a fan if it was ABSTRACT.

    Very egotistical

  23. Laura says:

    Uh… the hell?? I can’t believe I just wasted time watching that. *facepalm*

  24. Aries_Mira says:

    I didn’t experience an “emotional and physical presence” of any kind or any sort of vulnerability at all. This comes across to me as boring, plain, uninvolved, and dull. There’s no spirit to it, no body, no real movement as to where the piece is going to or even coming from and definitely no transcendence. Nothing to draw in the viewer.

    I honestly thought it was an ad for a perfume…

  25. Madisyn says:

    Cracked lips, meth teeth, horendous. If you look at photos of her smiling at 18, 19 the difference is astounding. The meth had not caught up yet. Gross, just gross.

    On a serious note, I have a question for anyone in the insurance business. TMZ posted a story how her “insurance company” settled her lawsuit with Tracie Rice who Blohan “terrorized” on her high speed pursuit. WHY would the insurance company pay? It baffles my mind. Side note the lawsuit with the three boys/men whose car she commandeered it still on.

    And on an even funnier note, TMZ had 2 hilarous stories about Blohan threatened “legal action” to a blog saying shes “drinking”. I laughed a little out loud. We’ve heard these threats before and nothing ever comes of them because ‘SHE WAS DRINKING’. Twit. The second story was even better saying during house arrest she will be painting, reading, and here’s the funny part, “going through a stack of scripts”. Can you believe this idiot thinks that stack is scripts, its offers for no name publications to take off her clothes like that Miami mag. And probably porn. This twit is so delusional she thinks she has the career of an Angelina Jolie type. You know Angelina has “people” like managers, agents that do that for her. Shes not on house arrest going through “scripts” Thats too rich!

    Waving at @ brin

  26. Solveig says:

    I don’t know who this Richard Phillips is, and I’m not going to find out with a quick search on the web, but I find really pathetic the way some exploit someone else’s fame to trying to become relevant.
    The video is good, though.

  27. Anna says:

    Wow. Godard and Bergman? The guy wouldn’t even know how to spell those names, let alone do anything inspired by their works. Unbelievable. The only thing he and Lindsay are talented at is putting a BS pseudo-intellectual spin on a craptastic “product” which they hope will result in lots of dollars. Those pool scenes were stolen pretty much directly from Lindsay’s Machete pool scenes, which this “artist” no doubt jerked off to more than once.
    And “Translation: that beej was AMAZING” is officially my favourite quote of the month. I’ve never seen anything put in such a wonderfully succinct and true way. LOVED IT! :)

  28. Lucy says:

    What in the sweet-chocolatey Christ was that? All I thought was B*TCH CLOSE YOUR MOUTH. Fack.

  29. Isa says:

    Lately she keeps reminding me of a 60s tragic movie star, like Edie Sedgwick or something.
    Still I find the shots of her in the water compelling and beautiful, so well done I guess…….

  30. Ben says:

    Now… I know people shit on art when they don’t get it, and at the risk of doing exactly that:

    If this is what passes for art, I can do it. I don’t even mean in the way I could put up a black square in a modern gallery. I mean I LITERALLY could come up with a better concept for a 90 second film, shoot it better AND not be stupid enough to hire Lindsanity Blowhan. Yah. I’m that good.

  31. icantbelievethis says:

    I thought it was a commercial for porn. Like what you see late night on cinemax.

  32. brin says:

    Hi Madisyn! *waving back*

  33. Mim says:

    Looks like a trailer for a LL movie about how much she loves herself.

  34. Lady D says:

    “Uh… the hell?? I can’t believe I just wasted time watching that. *facepalm*”
    No shit.

  35. Kloops says:

    It looks like a faux SNL commercial. I don’t think she’s even capable of closing her mouth, her lips are far too messed up. I’d feel sorry for her but she’s far too unlikeable.

  36. Rula Lensks says:

    @Madyson – Her insurance company is probably a High Value Group or Private Client carrier.(They insure celebrities and wealthy folk.) They are much more generous with coverage than a regular carrier. MUCH. Sort of a different ballgame.

  37. dorothy says:

    The guy must be intent on career suicide. Surely he knows that she is a hollywood joke.

  38. the original bellaluna says:

    I bet Orange Oprah had a hand in writing up that mound of schlocky sh!t. Of course, she’d need a ghostwriter, ’cause we already know her typical schpiel by heart.

    And at 90 seconds (which is what I read, I really don’t want to see that) it most certainly is a commercial for Linnocent “Snortcake” Blohan.

    *waves to brin & Madisyn*

  39. Kat says:

    OMGWTF? Seriously, I have no idea what that was. Better ways to get a beej than stage a fake art film and have La Crackula “star”.

  40. Jb says:

    She looks so old and fake and leathery.
    Not pretty.

  41. Ruth says:

    There is nothing in that movie- no emotion, no happening, no nothing- just these slow awkward fish faces and LL unable to move smoothly. Its not that anyone else could have done it better its just there was nothing happening to do.

  42. original kate says:

    the kids in the hall (remember them?) had a fake commercial for a perfume that looked so much like this. the tagline was “aaahhhh…the smell of her.”

    rotflmfao.

  43. Madisyn says:

    Waving at bellaluna, THERE you are. I just saw your comments on the Diaz/Rodriguez story and I thought, where in the world is bellaluna on this piece of crap Blohan. Now I know.

    @ Rula Lenks, thank you, but I’m still finding it VERY difficult to believe an insurance carrier would pay out no matter what if they were not liable. Cause you know the payout was probably substantial. Just sayin. . .

  44. Sassy says:

    This video just made me want to punch her in her fake, fat lips.

    CLOSE…YOUR…MOUTH. Jesus. She looks dirty.

  45. Madisyn says:

    @ original kate

    “aaahhh. . .the smell of her.

    We all know that smell is not having bathed in a week, stale cigarettes and crack smoke. Not a good combo.

  46. antisara says:

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! THIS CRACKEN VIDEO IS SO F*CKING STUUUUUPID!!!!!!!! I ALMOST PEED IN MY PANTS!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! WHAT’S CRACK A’ LACKIN’? (LILO’S RESPONSE) ME! I’M LACKIN’ CRACK! THE “MUSIC” SUCKS BIG TIME, LIKE A JUNGLE DOCUMENTARY BACKGROUND TRACK AND LILO, YOU’RE GONNA GET A SH*T FLY IN THAT BJ MOUTH IF YOU DON’T CLOSE YOUR FRIGGIN FRENCH SAUSAGE LIPS, BIATCH!!!!!!THERE’S NOTHING YOU WOULDN’T DO FOR A LINE OF WHITE POWDER.

  47. original kate says:

    “We all know that smell is not having bathed in a week, stale cigarettes and crack smoke.”

    @ madisyn: don’t forget the dried man-stains. yeah… i went there.

  48. Green Is Good says:

    When did the inmates from “One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest” get a student film grant?

  49. Madisyn says:

    @ original kate

    You CAN’T argue the truth, so I’m GLAD you went there. I’m just sorry I didn’t think of it first. I have no shame.

    A one minute thirty eight second “film” it is not. That is barely a f*cking commercial on television.

    P.S. Does anyone know where this was “filmed” because I recall reading somewhere that it was in Malibu, CA. I live in So Cal, so if true, she not only infected the Atlantic Ocean while in Miami, but infected my coast too. Yuck!

  50. lily says:

    Oh my god…

    What did I just watch?

  51. Hakura says:

    This reminds me of those perfume/cologne commercials. So soap opera, overdone & ridiculous that it’s laughable.

    God, is that BOOB CREASE She has going on in the scene where she’s laying down? It looks like her breast made a break for it, but only got as far as her armpit. I guess losing & gaining weight back & forth does some stretching damage in the breast area… Especially considering LL seems to have something personal against bras.

    @Kaiser – You *never* fail to find the most unflattering, God-awful pictures of LL. Such to the point of being an actual talent. xD Gotta love that first one. I think I can speak for everyone in saying we’d almost pay LL to dye her hair back to auburn/red. I think the cheap bleach she’s been using has finally eaten all the way through her scalp.

  52. imabrat says:

    Good heavens, has she NO shame? What a little hollowhead. She’s obviously living under the assumption that any exposure is good exposure; there is no justifiable reason why this hoho deserves media recognition.
    What a tacky overdone “I’m in love with me and you should be too” film.

  53. the original bellaluna says:

    @ Madisyn – Yeah, it just took me awhile to get here. The little one’s entering his terrible two’s and is requiring almost as much attention as Cracken Blohan requires from the paps. (But I’m only one woman!)

    BTW, I guess I’m handling the betting pool for this round of house arrest bets. It’s on the “turned herself in” thread from 5/26. As I mentioned there, all proceeds from the betting pool will go towards our next crack tailgate!

    AND it’s official: She’s already been papp’d on the roof of her condo. TMZ’s got the pix.

  54. futureperfect says:

    Dude doesn’t know wtf transcendence is, and mistook eminence for immanence. Stupid is as stupid does. Translation: “She has no gag reflex.”

  55. kasper says:

    I can’t quite put my finger on it, but whenever I see that first pick of Lindsay I think Sean Connery in drag.

  56. Madisyn says:

    @ bellaluna, mornin

    I just saw the pics at TMZ and in reading some of the comments, some people mentioned house arrest means you must stay in the INTERIOR of the house.

    “She is now confined to the interior premises of her home at all times,” L.A. Sheriff’s spokesman Steve Whitmore tells PEOPLE.

    So since this story was posted at 1 am, that means these staged pap photos were taken yesterday, not even 48 measly hours. So technically she already violated.

    Bellaluna if I remember correctly, and please go back to your records, someone said three days. Not sure if someone said one or two but if three days is the lowest number, I say we have to pay that person off.

    I think we need to start a new round of betting, cuz someone already took this pot. What say you?

  57. The Old KC says:

    While I was watching it, I tried to suspend all prior knowledge and pretend I was watching from the perspective of someone who had no idea who the girl in the video was. For example, an alien unfamiliar with the history of the human race. A pirate marooned on Tortuga for five decades. Or my dear dead Grandma who met the Lord one year ago this month. The only thought that popped into my head was, if one of these three people were watching, they would ask: why’d they get some random 40-year-old chick to be in a perfume ad?

  58. the original bellaluna says:

    @ Madisyn – Yup. @ Meghan called it at two days. Congrats, Meghan. (Though I must confess, I was looking forward to something much more spectacular than roof-top sunbathing! SADS!)

    Of course we’ll start a new pool! How else we gonna pay for our “Cracktastic” tailgate parties?

    Step right up, ladies, and place your bets. How long until Snortcake Blohan “blows” it?

  59. jay says:

    I’d hate to say it but she actually kinda looked like a blonde Julianne Moore in the video…when Julianne turns 60

  60. Lucy says:

    She should officially just change her name to Lindsey Jeff Conaway Lohan…we all know its coming…

  61. Madisyn says:

    @ bellaluna, she ALWAYS JUST has to push the limits, doesn’t she. She f*cking knew NOT to go on that roof. I’m sure the sheriff or electronic monitor person was CRYSTAL about the perameters.

    Put my bet down as 5 days from today. By then she will of put her head together with the Family Crackhan and come up with some scam. Can’t imagine what but thats the fun with Blohan shenanigans, isn’t it?

    @ Meghan, congrats. Since you’re the big winner are you springing for the Vodka at the next crack tailgate?

  62. skinanny says:

    She looks like 40miles of bad road

  63. Nikki Girl says:

    “It looks like a faux SNL commercial.” Definitely agree. If it was meant to be a joke, then it’s hilarious.

    Unfortunately it’s meant to be serious art I suppose. And it’s embarrassingly bad. I was torn between amusement and discomfort because it was so awkward and horrible. Jesus. Part of my soul died when I watched that. (Shudder)

  64. HotLatino says:

    LOL @ the pics you used, seriously!! Everyone has bad pics from themselves but at least they don’t get published! Love LiLo 4ever!

  65. Liana says:

    some cases of house arrest, you’re allowed outside on your property, but clearly that was not the case for Ms Lohan. God, just do your time and stop being a stupid cow.

  66. the original bellaluna says:

    @ Madisyn – Got it! You’re down for 5 days, baby. I’m still going with 7. And of course I’m sure @ Meghan will spring for the vodka – what fun are these cracknanigans without a tail-gate and vodka? :D (And various assorted other party “must-haves” – @ Eileen – I’m talkin’ to you, baby. Bring it on with those crackmopolitans encrusted with percocet. You know we love you!)

  67. e.non says:

    ugh .. flipping thru cable and landed on ‘i know why they killed me’ or whatever that piece of torture porn crap she was in … gawd, what is it with her attraction to that kind of depraved sh!t. oh, right … it’s art.

  68. ConJohn says:

    She’s so… gorgeous. Could be the 10 margaritas I had last night, could be the pictures, but I suddenly feel nauseous. Maybe they’re just bad pictures of her, but she looks like my 50-year-old neighbor that has conversations with her 7 cats all day.

  69. DiaBLa says:

    For all of Us, Linnocent “lovers” check out Femme Fatales on Cinemax on demand episode 1. It is freakin Funny as hell. Totally about LL. Well at least the first 15 minutes ….

  70. sammib says:

    You know, she does look kinda good. Sorry!

  71. taxi says:

    What’s the video? New Summer’s Eve commercial? Her lips are now deformed & in the stills she looks over 40. Bad forehead wrinkles. Too much crack & booze & not enough sunscreen!

    ’bout time for a remake of “Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?”. Give her the Bette Davis part!