Fantasia Barrino on her suicide attempt: “I just wanted out”


Much like LeAnn Rimes, the attention Fantasia Barrino has received from being publicly called out for homewrecking has been the best thing to ever happen to her career. Barely anyone was paying attention to Fantasia until her married lover’s wife went public. Fantasia then went through a rapid downward spiral, and overdosed on aspirin and sleeping pills, which then lead to a hospitalization in North Carolina. Over the past two weeks, we’ve gotten various public statements from Fantasia’s God-tastic manager, whose messaging seemed on the “Praise Jesus for forgiving Fantasia’s homewrecking” side. We also got a public statement from Antwaun Cook, Fantasia’s lover, who basically said that we shouldn’t blame Fantasia for anything. Fine.

But now Fantasia is speaking out – and playing the victim. You see, Fantasia says her suicide attempt was for real, and that she was facing so much drama, she just wanted to end it all (and film it for her reality show, of course):

Two weeks after being hospitalized for overdosing on aspirin and a sleep aid, singer Fantasia Barrino says it was no accident. She wanted to die.

“I didn’t have any fight in me. I didn’t care about anything. I just wanted out,” the American Idol winner, 26, tells VH1 in a new Behind the Music interview, airing 9 p.m. ET/PT Tuesday, the same day her new album, Back to Me, is released. “At that moment, I wanted out. I wanted it to be over with – all of it, all of that [expletive].”

She continues: “I just sat in the closet and looked at the mirror and took all the pills in the bottle. I wanted to go to sleep and just be at peace. I knew exactly what I was doing. You can’t accidentally take a whole bottle of pills.”

Barrino’s manager, Brian Dickens, recalls finding her lying on the floor in her room. “Her emotions were extremely low,” he says. “She’d been crying all day. Fantasia was just numb. Fantasia texted me, saying ‘I love you.’ I wrote back, ‘I love you more.’ Then it hit me.”

“I wrote, ‘You better not do anything or think about doing anything stupid.’ And I left it at that. About 10 minutes later, Fantasia texted me back, and she said, ‘Already did.’ I went into Fantasia’s room and saw her on the floor, and my heart just dropped.”

What made the successful singer, who’s preparing to release her third album, want to end her life? “I was tired of people doing me wrong, constantly, over and over again, dealing with my family – my father, dealing with men and their [expletive] – I was tired,” she says. “My head was hurting me. I was over it.”

Affair with Antwaun Cook
To complicate matters even more, Barrino is now being threatened with a lawsuit by Paula Cook, the wife of Antwaun Cook, with whom Fantasia had been having an affair.

“When I met him, he was separated … wasn’t living in his home. He didn’t want to be back with his wife – that is what I was told,” Barrino says. “I remember waking up in the hospital [and thinking], ‘It didn’t work, I’m still here in this hellhole. Still here with all this drama going on.’ ”

Ultimately, the singer says the saving grace was her nurse. “My nurse Melanie was a blessing into my life because she didn’t tell me what I wanted to hear,” she says. “She told me what I needed to hear. And she looked at me and said, ‘You gotta get up, and you’ve gotta get out of here, ’cause you haven’t fulfilled your destiny.’ ”

“I realized how people end up in the grave. Because that one moment [snaps her fingers] of just breaking or feeling like I can’t, I can’t go on, it’s too heavy. That was somewhere I don’t ever want to go again.”

[From People]

Here’s the thing – I’ll pretty much buy that the Cook marriage was probably a lot more complicated than “we’re together” and “we’re not together”. And I do think that most of the blame for the general “homewrecking” situation should fall to Anwaun Cook, who sounds like he was creating different cover stories for his wife and his mistress. But Paula Cook claimed that Fantasia called her and told her (Paula) to stay away from Antwaun. That alone makes me think that Fantasia knew that the situation was more complicated than Antwaun’s story. Of course, I also think Fantasia’s suicide attempt and subsequent statements and interviews have all been about generating sympathy and trying to make herself into the victim. And I think she’s a selfish bitch, honestly.

NEW YORK - APRIL 20: Singer Fantasia poses backstage during the Vh1 Upfront 2010 at Pier 59 Studios on April 20, 2010 in New York City. (Photo by Larry Busacca/Getty Images)

NEW YORK - MARCH 08: Singer Fantasia Barrino performs at the Jackie Robinson Foundation Annual Awards Dinner at the The Waldorf Astoria on March 8, 2010 in New York City. (Photo by Bryan Bedder/Getty Images for The Jackie Robinson Foundation)

LOS ANGELES, CA - FEBRUARY 08:  Singer Fantasia Barrino arrives at the 51st Annual Grammy Awards held at the Staples Center on February 8, 2009 in Los Angeles, California.  (Photo by Larry Busacca/Getty Images)

Header: Fantasia on June 8, 2009. Credit: WENN.

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39 Responses to “Fantasia Barrino on her suicide attempt: “I just wanted out””

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  1. RHONYC says:


  2. LindaR says:

    “Already did.” Means come get me, I just took a bunch of pills so that I can divert the attention away from my despicable, selfish, home-wrecker behavior and instead make people feel sorry for me. Maybe almost as much as I am feeling sorry for myself.

    This chick has no life skills. Actually do feel sorry for her but not for the reasons she would like.

  3. Lala11_7 says:

    @RHONYC…I take complete and total umbrage to your “ghetto trash” statement…

    The ghetto has NOTHING to do with the simple fact that “certain” women will bed married men…as St. Angelina and LeAnn has proven…

  4. Heather says:

    Yeah, I felt a little sorry for her until I read about the ‘Already did’ text. How disgusting. I feel for her child.

  5. Tiffany says:

    I agree with most of you on this. There is the fact that she was having an affair and then when it was exposed it was too much. The fact that there are children involved in this mess that adults created is really the only sad outcome.

  6. LittleFATMe says:

    Yeah, the whole texting “I love you.” To your manager, who is down stairs. Please. I feel for people who hurt and get so confused that suicide seems the only option. I DO NOT feel for people who sleep with a married man and then pop two PMs and a few extra asprin. Get a life, fool. Here is the other thing – REALLY? Really, you were going to die over man drama when you have a child who should be more important than any man – married or not!

  7. TQB says:

    “I was tired of people doing me wrong, constantly, over and over again, dealing with my family – my father, dealing with men and their [expletive] – I was tired,”

    Yeah, and where’s the part where you thought about YOUR CHILD? You think you’ve been “done wrong” – how about growing up knowing your mother was such a self-absorbed drama queen that she was just too tired to carry on? What kind of lesson is that?

    Disgusting, this woman is trash. I hope there are other strong family members for this child to look up to.

  8. RHONYC says:

    @ Lala11_7

    - nasty a$s prison tats. check!

    - nasty sloshy love handles stickin out of a mini dress 3 sizes too small. check!

    - nasty cowardly reaction to the circumstances caused by being with some f%cking piece of sh%t no-good man & total disregard to the wellbeing of your child. check!

    ghetto. ghetto…


  9. Stronzilla says:


    you forgot:

    -no-good man with phonetically spelled first name making a mockery of men named Antoine everywhere. check!

  10. hatsumomo says:

    ^ seconded.

  11. wonderwoman21 says:

    And she’s already doing a documentary with mention of her “suicide attempt” (snort humf)? Riiight. Yeah because it was sooo serious and personal$ oh wait yeah no it wasn’t.

  12. Bored@Work says:

    Skank. I will not support anything this b!tch does ever again.

  13. Dreamyvelvet says:

    Her aspirin popping got her publicity for her new album release. Keep F*cking that chicken Fantasia.

  14. GeekChic says:

    As a person who has experience dealing with suicidal individuals, I have to say that I find it upsetting when the suicidal individual is automatically labeled “selfish.” It shows a lack of understanding and empathy. What you have to consider is that in the mind of most individuals who are suicidal, they feel that their very existence is hurting their families/loved ones. They believe they are doing their families a favor by killing themselves. A trained suicide prevention counselor never says, “Think of your family,” to a suicidal person because, in their minds, they ARE thinking of their families. In their minds, their death would be beneficial to their families.

    Now, I’m not saying that this is the case with Fantasia, but I can’t say that it’s not the case, either. She might very well have thought that she brought shame and hardship to her child and that her child would be better off without her.

    Suicide is a lot more complex than the black or white of “selfish” or “not selfish.” The mind of a person that gets to the point of taking his or her own life is basically broken — they are not thinking clearly, and what seems rational to you or me is not rational at all for them. Try putting yourself in these shoes for a moment before you jump to the conclusion that a person is a “selfish bitch.” Usually the person is not selfish, but instead merely broken and in need of help.

  15. RHONYC says:

    @ Stronzilla

    you’re entirely spot on! how could i’ve missed ‘that’.

    exhibit # 4: – schtupping some dude named ‘antwaun’. check!

    SUPER GHE-HE-TOOOOOOO! bwaahahaha. :-)

  16. Green Is Good says:

    And Fantasia thinks this will garner public sympathy?

    *looks around. Hears crickets*

    Nope. Not happening. I reserve my sympathy for the children of Fanny and Atwaun, or however the f*ck he spells his super ghe-he-tooooo (LOL RHONYC) name. They’re both selfish, impulsive, horny jerks.

  17. bite me says:

    and new cd will still bomb

  18. Missy Aggravation says:

    GeekChic – I have a lot of empathy for the suicidal. I know what it’s like to feel utterly and completely worthless – to lament being born. I had my own attempt as a young woman several years ago. I was lucky that the police did a welfare check a day earlier and smashed down my apartment door. . . a neighbor found me gurgling in my own blood and vomit. I was unconscious for two days.

    But having been there – I know how selfish my actions were. I know that the only person I considered was myself. My sister came to visit me in my hospital room after they removed my breathing tube.
    “How could you do this to us?!” she asked, tears welling in her eyes.
    I’m so ashamed of my response. But I remember I looked her dead in the eye and snarled, “I wasn’t thinking of you.”

    I was involuntarily committed after they stitched me up and flushed out my system.

    I’m completely and utterly ashamed of the person I was. Of the needless pain and suffering I caused my family and my loved ones. I tattooed over a lot of my scars, but I keep the large ones on my forearm bare to serve as a reminder of my selfishness. Because that’s what suicide is – SELFISH.

    As for Fantasia? Between my decision to do it, and the massive amounts of pills I swallowed, I wasn’t anywhere near cognizant to write a note – let alone text “Already did.”

    It’s prefabricated drama. Adolescent attention seeking behavior.
    And it’s totally and utterly unacceptable especially because she is a mother.

    What is her baby girl going to glean from this situation? It’s okay to emotionally blackmail people by feigning killing yourself? When the going gets tough, pull the ripcord? As long as you invoke Jesus, all your bullshit will be forgiven?

    Fuck. Her.

    She is a disgusting woman for using suicide to gain publicity.

    Even if it was a “real” attempt – FUCK HER for abandoning her child. Give her babies to someone who will love and care for them. This woman is clearly inept.

  19. TQB says:

    @GeekChic, I called her a selfish bitch specifically because I do know what it is like to be suicidal, and I do have two close friends who have been in the same place. I also have a 9 year old niece growing up without a father because he killed himself. Do you realize that children of suicides are twice as likely to kill themselves? Do you know what it’s like to look at a child and know she thinks that her daddy didn’t love her enough to stay? I have no end of sympathy for people battling depression, mental illness and suicidal thoughts, but they shouldn’t be allowed a pass on personal responsibility. I’m sure when a counselor speaks to a person, they remind them of their loving families – why shouldn’t they be reminded of the pain their death would cause?

    Not to mention that the specifics of this “attempt” are so clearly a cry for attention.

  20. GatsbyGal says:

    @GeekChic – She might very well have thought that she brought shame and hardship to her child and that her child would be better off without her.

    At this point, I think the kid probably IS better off without her. Fantasia doesn’t care about anyone else but herself. She said it best, she said she just “wanted out.” She didn’t try to kill herself to give her kid a better chance at life or whatever, she tried to kill herself for HER, for completely selfish reasons.

  21. Keyanna says:

    She look like a catfish.

  22. always curious says:

    Suicide is a SELFISH SELFISH option. and it’s an option, not a last resort. And she has a child. SELFISH.

  23. RHONYC says:

    HEY Y’ALL!
    anyone really needing to laugh ridiculously hard, check this link with a video from a male fantasia impersonator

    (warning-turn down volume if ur at work)

    fuggin’ hysterical!!! lmao. :-)

  24. Missy Aggravation says:

    I left out an important detail to my story. . .
    My mother killed herself when I was 11 years old.
    You can guess where I learned my coping skills from.

    And while I can appreciate being suicidally depressed, abandoning your child is utterly reprehensible. That little girl is going to grow up feeling like she is worth less than the time it takes for her mother hold her. That child will grow up feeling worthless.

    Fuck you, Fantasia.
    Fuck you so much.

  25. javagirl1 says:

    I can’t believe she’s admitting to something so stupid with the texts and all. She should have played it off like she accidentally overdosed. What does she want sympathy? Well she’s sure not getting mine!

  26. LindaR says:

    Loving you Missy Aggravation. You’ve been through a lot. Very glad you are still with this world.

  27. TQB says:

    Much much love to Missy Aggravation. You are a fighter!! I too am glad you are still here.

  28. Ron says:

    she shouldn’t kill herself over a man…but over those outfits in the pics above…that’s another story.

  29. Missy Aggravation says:

    Thanks LindaR and TQB. ( ETA: It was really cathartic to share my perspective with the relative anonymity of the interwebs. Thanks for listening.) It’s been a long, strange trip, but I think I’ll be around for a while. :)

  30. kiki says:

    @ GeekChic
    I agree with you completely. People who are suffering with severe depression can’t see past how horrible they are feeling at that moment. They feel worthless, and the world would be better off with out them. They feel like they are a burden.
    I am not saying that Fantasia’s motives were pure, but I do know what it is like to live with depression and not be able to get out of bed and face the world.
    Unless you have experienced the desperation that is clinical depression I don’t know that I feel you should comment.

  31. gg says:

    Missy Agg – thank you for sharing your story. Good vibes to you.

  32. Anti-icon says:

    This is just so sad all the way around. Suicide isn’t something that should ever be taken lightly, which is why I am so conflicted about Fantasia’s decision to really take this whole ugly story public. In my opinion, it doesn’t serve any greater good at all for her to continue to discuss this publicly, and therefore she is trivializing suicide. I don’t think that is morally correct. I do feel sorry for her, and wish she would tend to her health and her child, instead of her “career.”

  33. Camille says:

    Yep I think she sounds like a selfish bitch too Kaiser.

  34. Crash2GO2 says:

    “I was tired of people doing me wrong, constantly, over and over again, dealing with my family – my father, dealing with men and their [expletive] – I was tired,”

    Yeah, well sometimes we all fall into the self pity hole. But your life is not your own once you have a child and “getting out” is not an option.

    Put your big panties on girl and grow a couple.

  35. GatsbyGal says:

    @kiki – “Unless you have experienced the desperation that is clinical depression I don’t know that I feel you should comment.”

    This is seriously the worst argument ever.

  36. Jo 'Mama' Besser says:

    To be clinically depressed is a thing indeed. Before I was diagnosed and began my various therapies, I felt this untold rage at my family because when I wasn’t planning or attempting, I was going on living only because of those moments when I was capable of understanding the hurt it would cause, I was pretty bitter about living for the sake of people who had no understanding of how miserable I was. I would vascillate between thinking ‘everyone is better off without me dragging the whole enterprise down’ and thinking, ‘you know, if they knew how unbearable it is, how I can’t go on, if they felt how I felt, no way would they be able to deny their own selfishness in forcing me to continue in such unyielding turpitude’. Messed up, I know. So, I understand Missy’s response to her family member, because in my compromised mind, all I was doing was thinking about thinking about everyone else– until I couldn’t anymore. Everything that I did was veiled enough to look like accidents, so while I was out of commission for extended periods of time on a few occasions, no one was the wiser and I didn’t have to deal those types of confrontations. Had I, though, I can’t really see myself as having responded differently. You’ve already been through hell, now it has to continue, and on top of that you’re getting the third degree from someone you believe to be judging you, making things worse, and coming from a place of complete ignorance, therefore having no ‘place’ to ‘attack’ you…and yet you still feel guilty. At least I did whenever having to face those kinds of moments with loved one, even if they weren’t as specific.

    Yeah, the horror of being ‘attacked’ by people who are scared, confused, probably feeling guilt, and all the rest.

    I don’t know what to say about this case, I mean, I know what my gut says, but my gut doesn’t know the minds of others. It concurs with the criticisms voiced here, and something about the whole thing rings false–like a transparent non-attempt trying to change the face of a bad P.R. season in this girl’s career. That she’s using God as bait and never mentions the people who love her in this statement seem telling to me–BUT I don’t know the situation, not for certain. What I think and how I feel and the court of public opinion aren’t fact, even when they really, really look like they are, as in this case. I just can’t help but be ultra-cautious, having walked the line myself.

  37. Liana says:

    I had a dear sweet friend who attempted suicide. And he said what pulled him back from the brink and stopped him from completing the act was that he realized he was being selfish and that his living would piss off more people than his dying would upset and since he loved pissing people off…

  38. Crash2GO2 says:

    Missy A @ GeekChic: I appreciate your posts so much. I have teetered into the territory of ‘everyone in my family would be so much better of without me’ but luckily for me, it only lasts a short period of time. I cry the tears and then it passes. I understand others are not so fortunate. But somehow this woman we are posting about doesn’t seem capable of thinking about anyone but herself if we can judge her by the words that come out of her mouth and by her actions.

    Missy A, your perspective is so valuable – thank you for sharing.

  39. slymm27 says:

    @RHONYC….are you serious????…..Fantasia is an idiot, who would have kept sleeping with another womans hubby, if the story hadnt gone public… If the selfish single women will just keep their legs closed to married men, those horny stupid married men will have no one to cheat with.